wagglyplacebo and Randall Fragg Present: Homosexuality, Alternative Deathstyle. -

[Randall Fragg]

@wagglyplacebo and I decided to do a riffing of Dick Hafer's masterpiece "Homosexuality: Legitimate Alternative Deathstyle".
The name alone should tell you what you're in for.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find any complete copies of the comic, so it will jump around a bit. Don't worry, there's plenty of craziness left.
If anyone wants in on this, just ask.

", skeletins r not feggots that media disrepekt!"
"The sensationalist hysteria behind today's headlines."

I love how it refers to the gays as "Sodimites". Really gives it that 1721 feel.

"The immoral movement sweeping the nation"
Hey, I might get annoyed with the Custodial Union's strikes, but I wouldn't go so far as to call them immoral.

Hey, it's the old guy from Up.
"A gay highschool in New York City!"
Just cause its called Neil Patrick Harris high school doesn't mean it's specifically about gay students
"What in the world do they teach 'em?"
Math, Chemistry, History, Physics, English.
Oh wait, this is crazy strawnman land.
Advanced Buttsex, Showtunes 101, Gloryhole Construction, Into to the Homofacist AIDS Conspiracy.

The homeless are joining forces with the homos, next thing you know dogs with cats, democrats with republicans and dick hafer with common sense. total anarchy.
"non religious homes are 4 times more likely to adopt homosexual activities"
tell that to my priest harharhar.
so why is dick hafer hanging out with my tech teacher and a gay park ranger?
Hup, Better call Orkin. We got a pedo infestation in the locker room, gonna have ta get it fumigated again.
"Most sodomites report that their first sexual encounter was a homosexual one"
So homos have sex with other homos? Groundbreaking research here people.

"Just another minority, like blacks and jews".
"Damn it, first we had ta gives the right to tha nigras an the kikes, an now we hav ta give 'em to the queers?" -Dick Hafer.
"I was hit with a purse"
Chris, where were you on the night of June 27th, 1969?
What, that cop can't handle getting hit with a purse? What is he some kind of faggo- OH GOD WE HAVE A TRAITOR IN THE POLICE FORCE.
"don't you guys remember the great homo riot of 1969?" -dick hafer

"Much to the consternation of the in the closet boys"
Like Dick Haver.
I bet dick hafer thinks that gay people have a secret language too, like they talk through slurps or something.
Whos the asshole in the gay club who wanted to call himself a weird?
"The parade has become an annual event in several cities, with unabashedly homosexual themes, outfits, ect.."
If dick hafer couldn't handle a gay parade back in 1970, he'd fucking explode if he saw one these days.
"The Greek letter 'Lambda' developed as the internationally recognized symbol for homosexuals. The tacks, bumper stickers, etc are manufactured so that gays can spot each other."
So Half-Life is part of a homosexual conspiracy?
What you haven't got to the part in half life 2 where you push alyx away and start making out with barney? sorry spoiler alert

 

[Silver]

I love this

 

[Randall Fragg]

"This is disgusting! Tell me more!"
Maybe I have a really bad sex life but according to this sex is when you grab your significant other on the shoulders and stare into their eyes until babies come out.
"Cultural, economic, & spiritual contributions to society"
Because no homo's have ever contributed anything to art, culture, science, or commerce.

"Work to get more money for sex life"
How fucking expensive is, well, fucking? Also, "lol the fegot iz a hairdresser caus the queers can't be nothen else but hairdressers n feggot shit lol i funny."
For a guy who hates guys having sex, he drew a lot of it.
"But it's got a censored bar so you don't see all the steamy, sweaty action, you just have to......hmmmmmmmmm......where was I?" -Dick Haver
Maybe it's cause I'm college age but I'm totally absorbed by illicit sex.
If you go straight, you get sex once, but if you go gay, you get all the sex you could ever want?
Kind of undermining your argument there.
Why is that park ranger still hanging out with them? Is he dick hafers boyfriend?
Eww, that creepy look on Park Ranger Andy Dick's face. It just screams "I'm going to leap out of an outhouse, disembowel you with a flattened tincan, and run through the woods making out with your head". I can't tell if that's what Dick intended, or his art-skills are just that bad.
Hey, is that the 'Spy vs Spy' dude in the "too old for sex picture"?

What a weird conversation to have while on a date in the 100 acre woods.
Is Dick confusing gays with "Mad Max" rape bikers?
"What's a transvestite?"
Well, apparently they're from Transexulvania, and they're played by Tim Curry.

 

[MayMay]

This is probably the first time I've seen an intentional strawman given the "moral" high ground. Geez, learn something from Dobby, guys!

 

[Randall Fragg]

Hey, @Jon-Nyan, or @DeagleBoipussy420 or one of the other homos. Get in here, we need a real life queermo for fact checking.
"Then what do they go there for?"
He said, in orgasmic curiosity. Dude is getting way too into this.

"There are small rooms for sodomites"
What your telling me is that homosexuals have sex in rooms? This is eye opening, really.
Dick Haver enjoys drawing gay sex waaayyy too much. And why is there a sickle? Is it because "the gay is communism", or does Dick not understand how sex works?
Pornographic Sodomy would be a great punk band name though.

What really frosts me?
Is the Washington paper you got all this info about also the one who told you about the gay high school? Cause you need to stop reading things that also say Oprah is a space alien.
"WOOOOW, that is DISRESPECTFUL to the Marines!"
"12 homosexuals were arrested at the Manassas-"
"Manassas?" .............No comment.

Huh so the lesson here is that homos come from a wide variety of backgrounds and can't fairly be stereoty-nah, it's that the gay has infiltrated all levels of society, and you can't trust anyone.
Just gonna point out that "Atlanta banker" is oddly specific, what were you up to last time you went to Atlanta?
"Why two of them even handle food!"
Yes, somewhere the gay agenda has corrupted people who handle food. The end is nigh!
Is dick the midget guy from Up who want to know all these thing for *reasons* or the technologies teacher who for some reason knows all this intimately?
"I really don't want to know"
Then why are you asking?
Also, here comes the fun stuff people, the result of countless hours of Dick's research at local truck stops and seedy bars.

 

[Joan Nyan]

As far as I can tell this is all 100% accurate.

 

[Randall Fragg]

"Yeah, dykes do some stuff too, but lets ignore that in favor of hot, er evil, depraved mansex".
Really telling there Dick.
@Altissimo So apparently straight women never use dildos... and the idea of a woman using a penis-shaped anything is sickening. How in the world do humans reproduce, then, if men are disgusted by women liking penis objects?
Real true conservative women reproduce via budding, like a sea sponge.
Little midget dick hafer is so kawaii and embarrassed in the first page, I wanna just pinch his little homophobic cheeks.
"We include them for your viewing pleasure information"

So, kissing and blow jobs are depraved evil sex? Despite being, you know, fairly common among straight people? What the hell is Dick Haver's idea of sex?
"Seminal fluid is swallowed"
Somehow I'm not sure that oral saliva is a way to transmit sexually transmitted diseases. I dunno though man, I'm not an expert. But I know lots of people who have kissed - gay and straight - that don't seem to be dying of AIDS.
does hafer know that gays also *gasp* hold hands!?!? god i gotta barf

Hey look, Sewer Gays. It's what happens when someone flushes a baby homo down the toilet when it gets too big to keep as a pet.
I knew the new teenage mutant ninja turtles was gonna get ruined.
The guy sticking his head in the trash can... That pose he's in... boy, I wonder about this artist
also "THE PENETRATOR"
The porn parody of this?

Spoiler

So those holes aren't caused by bathroom woodpeckers? See, this is educational.
for a guy worried about the cleanliness of things he sure does shove those garbage can lids on his head quick.
I like how the implied statement here is that gay men never clean their genitals. Way to miss the point of the stereotype!
I like how this telling you where to go to have gay sex. Kinda makes you wonder how much of this is "original research".

I don't think there's anyone actually in the piss circle. They're all just standing around and yelling "oh boy" while they piss on the floor.
Hey wait, is that Mr. T? Mr. T, how could you?
"i love it when a piss circle comes together" - hannibal
And I'm sure over 17% of the straight population are into straight acts of such "horror"!

Hey that's for domesticate mail only asshole!
"Let's move onto another area of sodomy!" You guys are really into this, aren't you? The trash-can-guy certainly seems to agree again...
Oh boy, a 1986 lesson on AIDs.
You gotta wonder how Dick would have though of people in 2015 laughing at his comics on the internet.
What am I talking about, he lived back in the 80s. He would have thought that the internet was witchcraft and burned his monitor.

Tactical potato mask.
Sometimes I can't tell if this is satire, or serious.
Is this the birth of the scarecrow? his fear of AIDS?
You're only gonna get AIDS and die if you have sex with someone else who has AIDS. The implication, though, is that these speakers are likely to contract AIDS. And if the further implication is that AIDS is exclusive to the homosexual population... Well! No more questions, Your Honor.

 

[MayMay]

"Warning! This chapter contains graphic details of perverted acts homosexuals perform!"

 

[Randall Fragg]

"That's awful" "Damn faggots deserve it". This comic really can't make up it's mind.
I want to know when this was made and when this data is from... when was AIDS 75% gays and 20% other questionable people?
The comic was written in 1986, and I'm pretty sure the data originated in Dick's mind from a mixture of televangelism, talk radio, and meth.
So is it official that Dick hafer is now potatokin? Spudself?

I like how the first implication is that AIDS is spread <5% by normal heterosexual intercourse but, if the man were to cheat, he would "run the risk" of getting AIDS through heterosexual intercourse. Also is that a jab at open relationships and cheating I see there?
"since you are married faithfully and don't fool around, you don't run the risk of contacting it from a woman."
Unless your wife cheats on you and gets it. That is, if she hasn't already. What if she does? The only solution is to divorce her, never have sex again, and move into your bunker for the AIDS apocalypse. Bring Playboys.
God I love that picture of the "scientist" investigating the blood with a magnifying glass. Also might wanna close up that hole guys, you can spread AIDS that way!

I guess the token gay guy saying he may have AIDS - seems he's been sleeping around and not using protection. Nice generalization!
That little AIDS bug is so cute! I don't have a joke about it. Just look at it though!
I agree, AIDS bug is one of the few likable characters in this comic.

Was this what it was like when AIDS first became a thing? I wasn't born yet.
"where'd the other nine guys go?"
I feel bad asking this but I can't tell because it's dick hafer but is this a orgy joke again?
$15 Billion? We need that to fight the Ruskies with our anti-nuke laser satellites!
Let's also imagine the costs of regular STDs! Maybe no one should have heterosexual either, to save money.
Dick Hafer: The Original Wizard!

AIDS came from a black guy fucking a monkey.

There is nothing I could say that would make that any funnier.
This pretty much speaks for itself
"Well, this disease is bad and all, but at least it's just killing the filthy homos. Now, is there any chance it could infect real people?"
By now dicks like that paperclip that pops up but instead of helping he just calls you a faggot and throws on a potato sack.
I like the "monogamy" solution though. Sorry bro hate to break it to you but monogamy is not always foolproof. (Chastity, on the other hand...!)
"When Time Magazine examined the AIDS threat to heterosexuals, they concluded 'the fact is, nobody knows'"
But Time is part of the libruhl media! Which means that AIDS is already wiping out straight people! Everybody get to the bunker!

You know, it's hindsight 20/20, but looking back at it all the hysteria about AIDS looks hilarious. It's like reading a medical textbook from the 1840s talking about "aligning the humors via tincture of Ox dung to cure possession by Satan"
Shooting down prostitution and kissing too! Man, is there anything these guys don't want to hate on?
No sex for 30 years. That's just sad.

Remember when the AIDS/Mosquito apocalypse happened? That was horrible.
If mosquitoes can transfer AIDS, why is this in a book about teh gays? Is mosquito transfer the gays' fault too? Guys, gay people didn't kill mosquitoes when they had the chance, it's their fault.
Talk about the "butterfly effect" huh? get it? cause butterfly's are gay
Because everything is the gays fault. There's a secret group of homosexuals who sit around planning how to ruin Dick's day. "Let's hide his car keys again!" "No, let's cut the wires to his taillights and then give him a ticket" "Lets do both! muwahahaha!".

I got nothin'. Other than that lack of protection and sleeping around is not exclusively a homosexual phenomenon.
"what're you wearing that raincoat for?"
Did...did Dick just use a CWCism?

Spoiler

is that how ambulances work? Didn't know calvin and hobbes style of getting around was an option on those things.

I guess AIDS was the 80's Ebola. I wasn't alive for it, so I can't say firsthand.
So, are AIDS victims horrible sodomites or unfortunate victims? MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND!

Holy shit, Dick just got sexually assaulted by The Grimace!
Was this just a roundabout way for dick to admit he's got hep B?
I get vaccinated for hep B all the time nowadays which would suggest that isn't strictly homosexual but w/e man

Apparently STDs look like caterpillars, hairballs, or ethnic stereotypes.
Also, "Gay Bowel Syndrome Diseases".
Now I'm Not a doctor but I thought is was either a syndrome or a disease?
Did... did they just say "they're gross because straight people can catch them?" That's literally what they said. That is literally a quote

It's called washing your hands and putting on gloves before handling food. It's a common practice. Have you seriously never heard of this?
What the hell is that person cooking in the first place? Is dick implying that gay people just eat poop as well. Sounds like something dick would think.
He is the guy who thinks that AIDS came from a homo fucking a monkey.
There's always antibiotic-resistant everything. Thanks for pointing that out!
Don't antibiotic resistant bacteria kinda give evidence for micro evolution? I thought Dick wouldn't approve of that.
"The exploding number of sodomite cases"
What, are the homos zombies now?

"Especially you guy I hang out with all the time!"
"Homosexuality and Politics"
Oh shit homosexuality and politics. But really, shouldn't all male politicians have AIDS now #rekt
Spoiler alert, the gays run the Democrat party.

"Liberal is spelled D-E-M-O-C-R-A-T"
That's not actually a joke, Dick just has trouble with long words.
"Liberals are all gay donkeys I tell you! s-stop laughing at me! You won't be laughing when your all gay and I'm alone in my bunker with my safety sack (patent pending) on my head"
"They have plans to make everyone accept their lifestyle!" That's pretty non-threatening you know

 

[MayMay]

Oh hey, we're getting into the racism now with the "all Africans are monkey fuckers!" and the... sombrero wearing disease?

So when do we hear about how all straight women have aids and are spreading it by not staying in the kitchen and not being pregnant 24/7 with the children of their brother(s)?