WE WERE TERRFIED!!!!! 8/23/2019 -

L_I_F_T_E_D

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Will post recap in a bit - assuming it's another storm, maybe another fucking tree fell down to mourn and film for three days.

Edit: Recap.

WE WERE TERRIFIED!!!!! - 8/23/2019 (Day 66 of this 100-Day Nightmare)
Because I hate myself and my blood pressure enough to watch these "inscrutiateen" videos so YOU DON'T HAVE TO:

- "New vlog" (nothing is new about your vlogging, Hamber) and "new Torrid dress" (worn as a shirt, not as a dress, but she "could have gone a size smaller"... *rolls eyes*)

- Again with the fucking eye shadow from many years ago?

- Going shopping! (Will they be TERRIFIED at Kroger to find that they don't have scooters with charged batteries??)

- Looking jaundiced from "the yellow light", not from "actual fucking jaundice", which she most certainly has because WebMD or Google is the only way she learned that multisyllabic word.

- 1:05: appearance of the even-more-worn-off fingernail polish showing that this is still somehow forward in time from previous vlog.

- We're FOUR DAYS ahead from the last video? (Bullshit - Hamber has NO real recollection of the chronicalogical order of these and refuses to just state what day it is.)

- BookClubLynn blathers about books she "read". Not even going to "recap" her blathering. A waste of several minutes while she touts her mood stabilizers getting her to do more things again (sit in bed motionless, reading, but NOT writing?)

- Oh no! She's TERRIFIED of packing materials from a book!

- Necky is a "smart girlfriend" to know the difference between Amazon packing material and fiberglass insulation.

- WaddleLynn goes outside! (Huffing and puffing begins BEFORE even making it through the DOOR.)

- "This is where we sit. My go-to spot!" (Fuck you, Hamber.)

- "I keep my phone in my bra." (So nobody will ever want to steal it because they'd have to touch her and endure the stank that rubbed off on it.)

- We're NOT GOING SHOPPEEN! We're going to pick up Necky's family! (Again? How many recent vlogs has Necky's family been over? Is something ACTUALLY INTERESTING GOING ON? We won't be told by NarcissistLynn unless it involves HER!)

- "I feel like Becky's always getting gas." (Yea, do you understand how hard it is on the CAR to move your 600 elbees around?)

- 7:49: It's storming. This must be how TERRIFIED they are! Necky got wet! Leaves and rain are hitting the car!

- "Are you scared?" "No, we'll just give it a minute before we leave." "I was so scared!"

- "The storm came out of nowhere! Let me show you the video I took of the clouds as the storm came in NOT out of nowhere! Now let me also splice in the SAME VIDEO again to waste time!"

- "If I'm gonna die - I'm gonna die on camera." (New Amberlynn Motto!)

- They have a PS4 now.

- It's the next day. They played games last night. (Anything actually fun/entertaining is never to be shown in an Amberlynn vlog, though.)

- NAP TAKEN. MOAR BOOK READING BULLSHIT.

TL;DR: Hamber thinks every storm is a life-threatening tornado and was the only one who was scared. Nothing else happens in this video besides Book Club. SKIP.
 
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whammy

I’m Connor, the android sent by Cyberlife.
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not watching because i’m at work but i’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that the terrifying event was moderate weather. maybe a tornado warning, or a kind of bad storm? lately, she’s been thinking it’s quirky or cute to be afraid of thunder and rain - a phase that is usually seen in toddlers and small dogs. either that, or somebody cut them off on their monthly swelleeeen drive and her miserable life flashed before her eyes.

one thing i’m sure of is: she is absolutely not terrified of is her declining health. her only concerns in that department are centered around her litany of emotional disorders or starving to death (gorl needs those nutrients!!! she’ll probably die in two weeks without food because she’s such a dainty gorl, guize!)

be terrified of those dark knuckles. be terrified of the fact that your body is shutting down. you’re speaking slower, enunciating poorly, losing words. you’re jaundiced, essentially housebound, and you can barely stand much less walk.

nothing is more terrifying than that. the day her body waves the white flag against an army composed of pints of ice cream, vats of chili, stacks of rotisserie chicken sandwiches, and cucumber boats will truly be the most terrifying day of her life. one might say, it will be inscrutiating.
 

Whatthefuck

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I swear I think I might die of shock if she ever reads a book that involves topics like motherhood/careers/marriage or the main character is a heterosexual woman.
Which is interesting because most well rounded (lol) people do tend to read about characters not necessarily in their comfort zone. Of course, Hamber's comfort zone is YA, vampire lesbian trash so I don't know where to go from that one. Anne Rice?

ETA: That nose ring is the real MVP, though. Hamber's nose gets fatter and fatter and that thing is hanging on for dear life. I think it will be fully assimilated soon.
 
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