Weird Dreams Thread -

Save the Loli
I took a nap today and dreamed I was watching baseball on TV and Tucker Carlson was the announcer. Like he'd call the play and then instead of random banter like other TV baseball commentators do he'd go highlight some random guy in the crowd (the camera would zoom in on him) and tell the audience how that guy was a bad person, like if he was supporting Antifa or rioting and how his family should be ashamed of him. He seemed more focused on doing that than calling the game.

Weird dream, but hey, if Rush Limbaugh did the NFL on ESPN, guess Tucker Carlson could do the MLB on Fox Sports or whatever.


Lawn Mower Parts Salesman
The other day, I had a dream in which this dude comes up from behind and grabs my cock while I was trying to take a piss. It was so startling that I screamed in my sleep, causing one of my housemates to come in and check if I was alright.

Opposite Time Nomad

"I wanna speak to the manager of Hot Topic"
I dreamt I was in my room, none of my plants or pets were present and there was a some dirt on the floor. I swept it up and just as I finished I realized the windows had no glass. More dirt came in and I tried sweeping it up but eventually it became too much. I couldn't even open the door to escape. I was eventually buried alive. I tried screaming but dirt filled my innards, my throat hurt, I couldn't move. I couldn't forcefully wake myself up either, my eyes hurt as if I was buried in gravel.

In time, I did wake up.

I had a series of weird dreams last night, two of which I can sort of remember:

The first involved some kind of zombie apocalypse while I was going on vacation with my family, but we were apparently determined to not let the zombies derail our vacation. The part I remember most vividly had us willingly going into a restaurant filled with zombies. It originally started out as a dream in which I planned to assassinate someone with a specific piece of wire about 3" long, so it definitely could have been weirder.

The second involved some kind of dumptruck alien robot things that I was trying to kill along with some other people. Apparently, putting some kind of device that looked like a metal cooler in them would cause them to explode when they tried to fly away or something like that.

I also had a dream a few nights ago in which some really hot chick dyed her hair teal and successfully pulled off Liquid Christine, causing Ioana Brenda Anderson to froth at the mouth like it was 2009.
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Drowning Pumpkin
True & Honest Fan
I dreamed that a fellow high school student whom I haven't thought of since graduating called me on the phone to ask about a computational problem he was trying to solve.

He was trying to determine the average whiskey created in the United States. His method was to find the centroid of the country, find the nearest distillery to that centroid, and then ask them how they made their whiskey.

The idiocy did not end there. He decided that the way to find the centroid was to sample a number of line segments with endpoints along the border of the US, and then calculate the average position of the midpoints of those segments. Worse still, he did a random sampling of only 20 line segments. This method doesn't work in general, but even if it did, 20 is far too small a number of line segments. Sure enough, his finding was that the centroid was in northern Indiana, which is not even close.

But even if it had been, that's not a meaningful measure of an average whiskey. I'm not even sure what that does mean, but I think it would have more to do with chemically analyzing a number of American whiskeys and coming up with median characteristics.

I explained all of this to him, including the fact that he did not need to calculate the centroid because that is a known location in Kansas. He stubbornly insisted that this was the way he wanted to do it. His only question for me was to analyze what the northern Indiana distillery had sent him when he asked how they made whiskey.

I looked at it, and sure enough, they had just copied the Wikipedia entry for whiskey. Of course they weren't going to give him their secret recipe. Why would they?

I explained to this to him, and he got angry and asked me how I would go about surreptitiously finding their whiskey recipe. I hung up in disgust. That ended the dream.

I'm pretty sure the guy himself turned out cooler than this in real life.

Absolute Brainlet

Local demon pimp shitposting on New Zealand forum
Just had this dream yesterday:
I'm in the hallway of an apartment block, there's a doorway to an apartment in front of me, and another one to the left. The front apartment has a young couple making breakfast or something, while the left apartment has a chick standing in front of the door, talking on her phone, complaining how her boyfriend left her. She's only wearing a bra and panties, and her fucking legs are missing! Like, they just end at the calves. Anyway, I start thinking of an excuse to get into her apartment, while making sure the couple aren't looking. Eventually I get in, get her drunk and seduce her.
The dream cuts to us on a rooftop, laying on a large blanket with some pillows around. Apparently, the girl's broadcasting this on Twitch, and I can somehow see the fucking chat in the corner of my vision. They're just posting memes. Anyway, I flip the girl over and start licking her asshole, while she's moaning. Eventually I start fingering her ass, stretching it open. But when I try to put my dick in, the asshole just closes up. And it does this every time, even with the girl trying to help me out! I'm embarassed at this point, but thankfully the chat seems to have not noticed, and just keep posting memes.
Then I wake up.

Had a dream that one of my friends decided to run for Congress, and I was managing his campaign. Even though he was running as a Republican in AL-07 (a heavily Democratic district), and knew he wouldn't win, the Democrats lost their shit. They started attacking him, me, everyone he had ever known. I don't remember what they did to other people, but I got photoshopped nudes of myself with bizarre captions posted to random social media accounts.

Afterwards, while dealing with the fallout of that, a cartoon pair of nail clippers that sounded like Towelie came in. He said he was going to adopt me, which apparently involved turning himself into a cartoon pair of scissors and slashing up under my toenails, painfully separating them from the nail bed. He did it to my left foot, but I told him to fuck off and ran into the bathroom before he could get to the right. After that, I woke up.

All of these bizarre dreams over the past week almost make me feel like rioters dumped something in the water or something.


True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
I had a dream I was talking to Terry Davis and he was explaining the trick of how you see glowies. If you look at them the right way in the dark, they just have a very faint glow to them, not anything dramatic. He said "you gotta run them over man." Other stuff happened in the dream but that's all I can remember.

Absolute Brainlet

Local demon pimp shitposting on New Zealand forum
Here's some more weird dreams I had recently.

This first dream is a movie, just like the one about a gang of serial killers and monsters in the woods I posted about a while back. The movie's main protagonist is this fancily dressed black guy (I think he was a gangster) that looks kinda like Samuel L. Jackson. He's one of those flawless OP characters that beat bad guys up effortlessly. Now, the thing about some of this movie's scenes is that they're related to JoJo parts. Seriously. There would be an object, a place or an action relating to the respective part's name, so for example, in the scene corresponding to Steel Ball Run, there'd be a steel ball and someone running. Now I'm gonna describe the last scene, which corresponds to JoJolion, since it's the one I remember clearly:
The black guy and two of his henchmen (guys in white suits) attack two bad guys, wearing a horse and a cat mask respectively, in a coffee shop. Both of the bad guys are named Joe (IIRC) and there's a lion decoration in the background, thus completing the JoJo part's name. The entire scene is shown through the view of a security camera.
Suddenly, another of the black guy's henchmen drives a fucking BUS into the coffee shop. Everyone minus the driver gathers around the security camera, with the bad guys asking for help, before getting pushed down, out of view. The bus suddenly tips, trapping the black guy and his two minions next to the wall. The security camera zooms in to them, and one of the white suit guys says something like "Hey, a little help here? We're trapped."
The bus tips over even more, with some of its internal frame sticking out and piercing through the wall, next to the black guy's head. Thankfully, the bus is stuck... Until a girl in the neighboring building sees the bit of frame sticking out of the wall and pulls on it, which causes the bus to completely tip over and crush our heroes, with their brains being comically splattered all over the wall and security camera.
The dream then cuts to me, watching the movie on a computer monitor. I rewatch the part where they get crushed, and think "Man, that's a pretty fucked up and morbid ending".

The second dream is just me as a presence of some sort, watching the world. Due to the polar caps melting or some shit, the whole world starts getting flooded. The dream then shows two monitors, the first having a world map, with the view for some reason focused on the Eastern Hemisphere. The map is updated in real time, but either the timescale was increased or that was one quick fucking flood, because Europe (ALL OF IT) sunk in SECONDS. By the way, flooded landmass was shown to be darker than "dry" land and transparent.
Meanwhile, the second monitor is showing the Farms. Every time someone died in the flood (I'm assuming), they either went offline or their account just vanished. Anyway, more and more land is flooded, until it's just a bit of Ukraine left. The dream briefly cuts to a large group of soldiers (likely the remains of the Ukrainian army), with me looking through the eyes of one of them, walking through brush, presumably fleeing to higher ground. The dream cuts back to the first monitor, that's now showing Mount Everest as the last bit of dry land on Earth. However, even Everest is quickly sinking, as the monitor shows images of the mountain becoming more and more submerged, until it's just the peak left. Then the next image is the peak being almost completely flooded, with only the very tip still above water...
And there's a fucking dirty toilet on that bit of land. Presumably that's where the last survivor was, since he left a Kiwi post along the lines of "Oh god, oh god, no no no, it hurts". Then the last image is just water.


Hopeless and unapologetic degenerate.
I had this dream after watching The Mask and Ace Ventura in a single sitting. The only part I can remember is when Jim Carrey's severed head was sitting atop my TV, but it was still alive and had a tree with nuts growing out of it. Then the nuts started to break and these maggot-like slugs came out and started crawling into his mouth, nose and ears.

I swear that I'm a normal, well-adjusted person IRL.

Absolute Brainlet

Local demon pimp shitposting on New Zealand forum
And more dreams, from today!

There's a medicine talk show on TV, and the host says the cure for coronavirus is inside our own bodies, specifically our bladders. After watching the show, I realize I can feel this supposed "cure" inside my body and go to the bathroom. I force myself to feel sick and vomit, which somehow rids my body of the virus. The rest of my family is yet to do so, however, thus they're still sick.

I'm playing what seems to be some sort of Half-Life mod (and nearing the end of it). My character is inside an ancient underground temple, in a hallway leading to a room with a well thingy that goes up and down. There's a HL2 citizen in the room, and when approached, he says "Do you want to meet my orange cat?" Everything goes pitch black, and I can hear meowing around me. After a few seconds, things go back to normal and the citizen remarks "He's a bit shy." I climb up the well thing into another pitch black room, where I'm treated to a jumpscare of the orange cat's face (he has empty holes for his eyes and mouth, and no nose). Then things become normal again and I walk out, into a long hallway. Suddenly the wall behind me opens up, revealing the Sawrunner from Cry of Fear, who then begins chasing me around the temple. It even played the fucking music! (I should note at this point that the mod seemed to have a partially custom HUD, with two bars on the bottom right, red one representing health and orange representing armor. My armor was full, but I had almost no health.) As I'm running away, I encounter other monsters and these mercenary-looking guys with pistols, both trying to kill me. I finally make it out of the temple, with an entire horde of horrors now on my ass and am now running around the mercenaries' massive camp. Thankfully, the monsters decide to attack the mercs instead of me, so I'm finally safe. As I'm running out of the camp, two attack choppers come in as backup, while Diabolical Adrenaline Guitar plays. I run out into the jungle, and take one last look at the camp, where the mercs are clearly being overwhelmed.
Dream end.


Ki ki ki ma ma ma
Had a dream where some over weight black motherfucker just walks right up behind me and fucking stabs me in the kidneys!

Actually come to think of it when ever I see my own death in a dream chances are some black person is the one who will kill me. Like one time it was an old black man with a submachine gun shooting up the neighborhood coming into my house for me the next is was a bunch of black girl gangbangers (no the bad kind) who shoot me in the middle of a holdup even though I'm on the ground like they told me.

Am I racist or do I just have a fear of being killed by non white people?

I purchased a Kiwi Farms ripoff that got something like twenty to fifty posts per day and somehow made it into a kind of MMO; it was like an RPG alongside what I can only describe as a lolcow zoo. I then introduced one of my friends to it, and as I was showing him the game mechanics, it somehow seamlessly transitioned to real life. We were at the top of a hill, and someone pulled up in a beaten up old Grand Am to "try drugs for the first time." We walked away, and then I woke up.

I should really get my water tested.


good for health, bad for education
True & Honest Fan
Had a dream a few nights ago where I was kidnapped by some dude who literally looked like Soyboy Wojak. He kept me locked in an abandoned strip mall, and tried to force me to go through an obstacle course in the back rooms for some reason. Everyone else he had previously kidnapped had either killed themselves or died trying to escape. I refused to do his obstacle course because it was like Wipeout except 90% knives. Eventually, some mom came and dropped off her kid as the unintentional next victim, and I ran out the door. The kidnapper chased after me, but I yelled for the cops. I woke up after that.


Assistant Mana-Jerk @ Mal-Wart
The most fucked up dream I can remember having was around 8 or 9 years ago. I was taking some kind of medical exam in a classroom that had no walls and everything around me was black. The "exam" involved watching this doctor performing some kind of procedures on this small creature that looked like a cross between one of those medical anatomy dolls and the Eraserhead baby. The creature kept squirming around in pain the longer this went on and I kept trying to leave the room but everytime I stood up, someone else in the room kept making me sit down and watch the exam, as if they were telling me that this was something we all had to endure together. I noticed that everytime I was forced to sit back down I kept moving closer and closer to the front of the class until I was practically face to face with the doctor and this fucking thing wouldn't stop crying. I finally lost my shit and got up to leave when this thing stretched it's neck out like a rubberband and screamed in my face and woke me up. What the fuck man.

Cheese-Loving Citizen

Get Your Free TVs!
Some weird nightmare I had a few months ago. Basically, I was a part of a group of eggheads that were monitoring some sort of satellite-type object in deep space that prevents reality from shitting and tearing itself.

However, that object flew off the edge of space and disappeared into the void. Everything started going to shit fast. World started to shake violently and everything was bright and blurry. Think of it like a nuke going off with strong VHS static over it. The group I was with started screaming and panicking. One guy tried to track the satelite and bring it back to no avail. Another older gentleman simply embraced the end of the world. And another guy's eyes started falling out of their sockets, stating "he never even knew he had eyes".

Then I woke up.

I think I had been watching too much doomsday videos at the time.

Edit: Gremmer.