Weird people you've met IRL -

ToroidalBoat

Token Hispanic Friend
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
There was this mentally ill guy in the dump I used to live in who would wander around yelling stuff.

One time I walked by him, and he yelled "I TOLD YOU NOT TO FOLLOW ME!" - the first time he said anything.
 

Vingle

I'm Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars! 百田 解斗
kiwifarms.net
A guy did kinda stalk me to the metro stop I was going off at. He didn't seem dangerous, just weird. So we talked a little bit, and I left him there.
This was on a night out.
 

Geralt of Rivia

Balls deep in sorceresses.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
There's this old fat fuck I've seen at one of the places I've worked at, hoarder-class, sits around all day and pisses in bottles in front of everyone, consumed by politics and feels the compulsive need to let everyone know what his are and his distaste for Trump.

The week after the election, he just kind of hoddled by for no reason and said "I stole the election", then just kind of shit himself. It's really pathetic seeing people who let politics and happenings dominate every aspect of their life.
 

Dialtone

Sticker Queen
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Saw some man in the deli I was in for lunch, dude had a pinstriped fleur de lis fedora, finglerless gloves and a heavy black jacket despite it being 90 outside. I kind of stared in disbelief that someone would willingly dress like this then looked closer...

This guy had on some ridiculously large headphones lying flat around his neck which he then proceeded to put on his balding head and look at some kind of animated cartoon that involved buff raccoons in full view of everyone behind him in the dining area completely oblivious (the dining area was basically a long stretch of tables to the exit door). My man once finished with his sandwich stood up from the booth and pulled a walking cane out from under the table (I suppose it was in his lap and I couldn't see it) and strolled off before taking two whole pockets full of after dinner mints and cinnamon toothpicks.

A very odd but enjoyable lunch break.
 

nigger of the north

kiwifarms.net
I was painting the brickwork on my old house a few years back, when this Eastern European guy walked past with a bag full of booze and started talking to me.

He said he had a few painting jobs in Bulgaria back in the 1980s on rich people's houses. After shooting the shit for like three minutes, he then started getting louder, swearing more, before descending into a kind of schizophrenic rap, alternating between English and Russian? Swinging his bag of booze around, before storming off like he was mad at himself.

I was just like 'okay then,' and started painting again.
 

Gravemind

A monument to all your sins
kiwifarms.net
I've met a lot of weird people in my life, some of whom I've talked in a little more detail about in different threads around here (notably, the "Autism you've witnessed IRL" thread) and sometimes it's difficult for me to dredge up the specifics due to both age and the volume of people I've known (I should also note that I've lived in a Southern area for most of my life where the general population tends to be made up of incredibly stupid people prone to very strange behaviors), but there's a couple of cases that have always stood out in my mind, both coming from the same local Books-A-Million store I've frequented here and there over the years.

One time, when a close friend and I were younger and browsing around the store, we spotted a guy all decked out in some funky, fantasy-looking getup, wearing a full on cloak over his head. Fairly lanky dude, had a full on beard. Myself and my friend had a little giggle about it from the distance, the guy seemed to have noticed, and uncomfortably shuffled away from the scene. We went behind him after he left to check out what section he was looking into, and it was a row of books about sex. Which made the two of us laugh even harder.

On another occasion, I had been looking around the store on my own, and this was about the time where manga was starting to become more mainstream among younger crowds, so they had a dedicated manga section set up near the back. I happened to move near it and a rather overpowering stench of fish, eggs, mayonnaise, and body odor struck me as soon as I got close enough. With morbid curiosity, I decided to peer down the aisle and I spotted a somewhat stocky teenaged boy sitting, cross-legged, on the floor, manga plopped open on his lap, a stack of manga at his side, holding what looked like an egg/tuna salad sandwich in one hand and a little juice box next to him, wearing a rather brightly colored polo, cargo shorts, and naught but a pair of flipflops on his bare feet.

Neither of these people were really being particularly disruptive or anything, but their quiet, almost picturesque examples of visual autism just kind of managed to stick with me.

EDIT: Oh, I just thought of a somewhat recent one from maybe about 3 years ago, before all the COVID shit stopped me from being able to see things like this happen regularly.

Family and I went to IHOP to grab lunch one afternoon and, right across from us, a single, lanky-looking, nerdy dude was seated at a booth, and what he decided to have as his meal that day seemed to be IHOP's "unlimited pancake" deal and, boy, it made for a peculiar sight watching him go through those things. The guy was just so... Methodical and meticulous about his every movement. He neglected to use any butter, syrup, or even utensils for his pancakes, choosing instead to take each one, one by one, and slowly fold them into wraps, then mechanically chomp them away, slowly but surely like that, only occasionally taking sips of what I assume must've been Coke. He got about 3 plates of full stacks deep before he finally decided to order a few strips of bacon to go with his meal... While continuing to have more plates of pancakes brought out to him. I think we finished up our own meal, paid our tab, and left before he was done, but I think I saw him starting on plate number 6 as we were leaving.
 
Last edited:

CrystalRoserade

Ratvioli
kiwifarms.net
Mentioned him before in some other threads, but through my school years I knew a guy who claimed he was a cat demon, a witch, and I believe a Vietnamese dragon? Had huge tryhard mall goth vibes, but Asian-American edition. He was pretty damn easy to make mad, too, and I remember he would constantly bitch about his parents and some of his kid relatives. Tried to strike up conversations with him about our common interest in anime, but because he never got over grudges (I think he even bragged about it), he tended to shoot down any attempt at idle chit-chat I made. He was overall pretty harmless, but because he would always react, he was a pretty damn easy target for other people bullying him.
 

Sperghetti

#waxmymeatballs
kiwifarms.net
I have kind of the opposite of a rambling drunk or meth head encounter:

A few years back, I was out at the craft store (Michael’s) on a Saturday morning when I was approached by a cute east Asian girl, probably in her early 20's with a really thick accent I didn’t recognize (Korean, maybe?), who started into a “have you accepted Jesus?” spiel and invited me to some kind of bible study. She was accompanied by young black man wearing black turtleneck and something that looked like a walkie-talkie or a pager clipped to his belt. He just kind of stood slightly behind her, smiling politely but never saying a word, like he was there to escort her or keep an eye on her or something.

Now I don’t live in a particularly bad or redneck-y area, but these two were so clean-cut, unblemished, and mildly attractive that they actually looked out of place. Like they came straight out of a stock photo on the front of a college brochure.

When I was getting into my car, I glanced back and saw them leaving the store and heading into a home goods shop in the same plaza.

I actually forgot about them until a few weeks later, my girlfriend was out shopping (also on a Saturday) when she sent me a text that she’d been accosted by some weird god-botherers in Target -- Let me guess, Asian girl and black guy, weirdly perfect looking, she has an incomprehensible accent and he never talks? Yep, it's Faye and Silent Bob. I guess they were just going around to stores in the area for a while, trying to recruit customers to some church. Too bad they didn't have fliers or pamphlets or something, because I would have loved to know where they were from.
 

Solid Snek

kiwifarms.net
I met Chris IRL.

Besides that? Honestly, probably half of the people I've met - or at least, half of the people I met and remember - were IRL weirdos. I think that's why I like Kiwifarms so much. Reminds me of the places I grew up in.

For example, I lived near a major mental health campus once, so there were schizos everywhere. Most of them were kinda lowkey, like this goth Otherkin who tried to convince me that he'd beaten up a SWAT team with vampire-powered kung fu, a fat Polish lady who had converted to Islam after 9/11 and was madly in love with bin Laden, and a homeless black nationalist guy who spent every day, drunk as shit, browsing porn on the library computers. A few were less low-key, like the Tugboat couple who got in so many fights that their apartment manager had to install a building-wide intercom that other residents could buzz to tell the couple to STFU (they couldn't be evicted because they had some kind of government disability protection), and of course the occassional murderer. Later I moved to the city - which of course had its share of weirdos too, but there were actually less schizos and homeless people running around.

My favorite weirdo from that town was this guy, Chuck, who kept coming in to the place I worked at and telling everyone who made eye contact that they "were doing a GREAT JOB!" and that he would henceforth "give all of you A MILLION DOLLARS!" He did this four, five times a week, on average? He was very friendly and it was always nice to see how new people reacted to Chuck; place little bets on how long it would take for them to realize Chuck was crazy and then try to politely excuse themselves.

Best moment was when he held up a marathon. Chuck kept running out into the street, stopping racers to tell them about the million dollars they were going to get. It was great; he'd charge right at the runners, shouting and waving his arms like it was some kind of emergency. "HEY! HEY YOU! HEEEYY!" The runners would stop, get this look of fear and confusion on their faces; sometimes they'd figure it out quick, force a smile, and keep going with only a few seconds lost. Other times they'd follow Chuck back to the sidewalk for a minute or two before they realized he was just a kindly nutjob trying to say hi.
 

ToroidalBoat

Token Hispanic Friend
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Let me guess, Asian girl and black guy, weirdly perfect looking, she has an incomprehensible accent and he never talks?

Once this clean-cut guy and girl knocked on the door of my place. They wanted to tell me about "the female image of God" or something like that. Both of them did the talking though, and both were white people.
 
When I used to work at Wal-Mart I saw my fair share of weirdos. But I had probably one of the weirdest encounters was this old woman I saw, she had two eerie looking dolls, like old fashioned glass ones and talked to them has if they where real babies. I watched her have a whole conversation with them has she was buying baby stuff.

One of the funniest encounters I had, was school bus full of Mexicans stopped at our Walmart and they proceeded to follow each other like ants, then stole all the shopping carts they used when they where shopping. 🤣
 

OvercookedBacon

Adds extra flavor
kiwifarms.net
So when I was younger (late teens or so), my dad played in a local rock band and I'd volunteer to help out carrying equipment and such. One night at the greasy spoon/bar they'd have regular gigs at, some filthy looking older guy gets up and starts dancing. Not unusual, right? He's carrying an acoustic guitar with no strings on it and a button up shirt draped over it. He danced around with his toy for a little while, then grabbed a chair from a nearby table and tried to climb it to no avail. Pretty amusing.
Band takes a break, I'm doing something (forgot) and talking with dad, and the guy walks up to us. In my naivete I step aside, thinking he wants to talk to someone in the band. The guy steps back also, grinning, looking me right in the eye and starts babbling about "go and tell your little sister" or some such. Then he wandered away and I didn't see him again the rest of the night.
 

Similar threads

Swift-Obsessed Sex Pest, Magical Star Buddy, Now On Probation for E-Stalking, Pipsqueak
Replies
59K
Views
11M
You will never understand the trauma of having a middle eastern nose
Replies
122
Views
18K
Top