Weird/Terrible Books - Post the most obscure, odd, and terrible written works you've even seen

Recoil

Tactical Autism Response Division
True & Honest Fan
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My Parents Open Carry
They also drink while pregnant

From the reviews:

I laughed, I cried ...I accidentally shot my mailman in the face

really ties up all the loose ends left by "My Parents Are First Cousins"

Can't wait for the sequel: "I Thought It Wasn't Loaded: My Mom's a Single Parent Now"

Give a man a fish, and he eats for only a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he can eat for a lifetime.
Teach a man to Open Carry, and he can take everyone else's fish.

Finally, a way to explain to my children the beauty of silently intimidating strangers!
 

murgatroid

kiwifarms.net
My Sweet Audrina by V.C. Andrews is simutaneously the best and worst book I've ever read.

To sum it up, it's about a girl named Audrina who is apparently 9-ish years old, who had an older sister (also named Audrina) who was raped and murdered. The younger Audrina is forced by her father to sit in the older Audrina's rocking chair for a few hours every day because somehow she is able to channel the first Audrina's memories and her dad wants her to become a copy of the first Audrina. There are no clocks in the house, calendars are missing pages, she doesn't know when her birthday is, etc. Also her memory is really fuzzy (spoiler alert because her family is drugging her) At some point she gets a exceptional sister who is constantly shitting herself and her mother dies in childbirth. Her father then falls in love with her mother's sister. Speaking of her mother's sister, Audrina lives with her cousin/step-sister Vera who seduces a 25 year old piano teacher (who later kills himself) and gets impregnated by him. Vera ends up having a miscarriage on a priceless Oriental rug (the miscarriage is essentially depicted as the baby pretty much just falling out of her) which causes her mother to yell at her so Vera throws chunks of the miscarriage at her. Vera's mother somehow falls down the stairs and dies. Eventually Audrina's father falls in love with an amputee ballerina woman who rolls around on a cart and has a son named Arden who was present during the rape of the first Audrina. Audrina and Arden get married and Audrina can't have sex unless it is on top of the grave of her dead sister because of reasons. One day Audrina's exceptional sister decides to roll around on the amputee's cart and manages to knock her down the stairs and kill her. The police apparently do not have any problem with the fact that two women have died in a short amount of time in the exact same way in this house. Vera begins to seduce Arden and finally pushes Audrina down the stairs, putting her in a coma. While she's in the coma, Vera and Arden fuck each other basically on top of Audrina and Vera plans to disconnect the life support. Audrina wakes up and manages to get her exceptional sister to help her escape the hospital. Finally (SPOILER ALERT HOLY SHIT) Audrina realizes that the reason why she is able to experience the memories of her older sister who has the same name as her is BECAUSE SHE HAD NO OLDER SISTER AND SHE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS RAPED OH MY GOD and her family was keeping her prisoner in the house in order to shield her from this memory (but also making her remember her past because reasons) and Arden witnessed the whole thing and ran away (making the rape his fault and his fault entirely) and Vera was actually her half sister because her father and her aunt had an affair. Audrina and Arden make up and move out of the house and that's where the book ends. I rate it five stars
That book creeps me out because it's in that picture likely taken by a serial killer or pedophile of some kids tied up in a van. Based on your summary it sounds like the content of the book is also very creepy.
 

RLS0812

Worthless Garbage
kiwifarms.net
I forget the title, but a Sci-Fi book I read was about a giant tower ( went into outer space ) where almost all of humanity lived - the higher up you lived, the more important you where. The dregs of society had to live outside the tower on farms.

The entire social order was based on ceks and how fast a woman could have children. Ceks education was started in elementary school * redacted - way too F-ing cringy * . 💢
Every one was basically a swinger -ceks was highly encouraged with everyone.

Was there a story or plot line? H3ll if I know, I stopped reading the book after the first chapter.
 

littlearmalite

SPEND THESE THIRTY HOURS GETTIN FREAKAAAAAAAAAY
True & Honest Fan
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AJ Butcher's 'Spy High.'

Imagine the most rote, high-school drama teen novels you can think of, then add a really shitty James Bond angle to it. There was literally only one character in the story I could actually feel anything resembling any affection for, and that was Ed, because at least he actually had a personality.

'Unwind' is also up there.
 

Recoil

Tactical Autism Response Division
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Peter Sotos' zines should probably get a mention.
Find them yourselves.
They are horrific in a way you might not cope with adequately.
 
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I forget the title, but a Sci-Fi book I read was about a giant tower ( went into outer space ) where almost all of humanity lived - the higher up you lived, the more important you where. The dregs of society had to live outside the tower on farms.

The entire social order was based on ceks and how fast a woman could have children. Ceks education was started in elementary school * redacted - way too F-ing cringy * . 💢
Every one was basically a swinger -ceks was highly encouraged with everyone.

Was there a story or plot line? H3ll if I know, I stopped reading the book after the first chapter.
Are you talking about Huxley's "Brave New World" in the most autistic way possible?

Maybe if you weren't a mongoloid and read past the first chapter you'd realize it was a dystopia.
 

Rice Is Ready

Mmmm, red velvet
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th (1).jpeg


Very informative. Did you know the word thug comes from an ancient Indian cult of assassin's called the Thugee? They were forbidden from spilling blood so they carried out all their assassinations by strangulation! Also this book instructs you that if you're sneaking up behind someone to not stare at their back so they don't feel your eyes on them.

I forgot the best part is the author's name.
 

.Woody

I am the snake in my boot
kiwifarms.net
For about a year I would on and off try and read the Quran, while high on coke. That was pretty wierd, but I cant remember much, just tidbits like Alaah impregnating a fish and that sort if thing. I would post the notes I took here, but I am unsure where they are. Fuck, I miss college
 

Defunct Mecha

Let Tokyo burn!
kiwifarms.net
"Trainspotting" by Irvine Welsh.
Yeah, I guess we've all seen the movie about some Scot junkies (and a young, hawt, nekkid Kelly Macdonald giving Ewan McGregor a hefty ride).

But this book is mostly written in thick, broad Scottish accent - just like you speak it - and even with a good reading motivation you probably won't get past the first 20 pages, I swear.

Absolutely unreadable.
 
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"Trainspotting" by Irvine Welsh.
Yeah, I guess we've all seen the movie about some Scot junkies (and a young, hawt, nekkid Kelly Macdonald giving Ewan McGregor a hefty ride).

But this book is mostly written in thick, broad Scottish accent - just like you speak it - and even with a good reading motivation you probably won't get past the first 20 pages, I swear.

Absolutely unreadable.
I listened to the audiobook read in thick Scots English and I did fine.
 

The 8 of Spades

Kiwi Farms' Friendly Local SALVATION™ Salesman
True & Honest Fan
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When I was um...a guest of the county law enforcement for a couple months, someone in my pod had all the "Clan of the Cave bear" books, like the full series. I think I made it about 3/4 into the second book when the whole thing just hit me as fucking insane.

Quotes from the first book:

“But when did you see her, talk to me? When did you see her go into the cave? Why did you threaten to strike a spirit? You still don't understand, do you? You acknowledged her, Broud, she has beaten you. You did everything you could to her, you even cursed her. She's dead, and still she won. She was a woman, and she had more courage than you, Broud, more determination, more self-control. She was more man than you are. Ayla should have been the son of my mate.”
― Jean M. Auel, The Clan of the Cave Bear
“And their memory made them extraordinary. In them, the unconscious knowledge of ancestral behavior called instinct had evolved. Stored in the back of their large brains were not just their own memories, but the memories of their forebears. They could recall knowledge learned by their ancestors and, under special circumstances, they could go a step beyond. They could recall their racial memory, their own evolution. And when they reached back far enough, they could merge that memory that was identical for all and join their minds, telepathically.”
― Jean M. Auel, The Clan of the Cave Bear
And my personal favorite:

“Not only could he share the memories, and control them, he could keep the link intact as their thoughts moved through time from the past to the present. The men of his clan enjoyed a richer, fuller ceremonial interrelationship than any other clan. But with the trained minds of the mog-urs, he could make the telepathic link from the beginning. Through him, all the mog-urs shared a union far closer and more satisfying than any physical one—it was a touching of spirits. The white liquid from Iza’s bowl that had heightened the perceptions and opened the minds of the magicians to The Mog-ur, had allowed his special ability to create a symbiosis with Ayla’s mind as well. The traumatic birth that damaged the brain of the disfigured man had impaired only a portion of his physical abilities, not the sensitive psychic overdevelopment that enabled his great power. But the crippled man was the ultimate end-product of his kind. Only in him had nature taken the course set for the Clan to its fullest extreme. There could be no further development without radical change, and their characteristics were no longer adaptable. Like the huge creature they venerated, and many others that shared their environment, they were incapable of surviving radical change. The race of men with social conscience enough to care for their weak and wounded, with spiritual awareness enough to bury their dead and venerate their great totem, the race of men with great brains but no frontal lobes, who made no great strides forward, who made almost no progress in nearly a hundred thousand years, was doomed to go the way of the woolly mammoth and the great cave bear. They didn’t know it, but their days on earth were numbered, they were doomed to extinction. In Creb, they had reached the end of their line. Ayla felt a sensation akin to the deep pulsing of a foreign bloodstream superimposed on her own. The powerful mind of the great magician was exploring her alien convolutions, trying to find a way to mesh. The fit was imperfect, but he found channels of similarity, and where none existed, he groped for alternatives and made connections where there were only tendencies. With startling clarity, she suddenly comprehended that it was he who had brought her out of the void; but more, he was keeping the other mog-urs, also linked with him, from knowing she was there. She could just barely sense his connection with them, but she could not sense them at all. They, too, knew he had made a connection with someone—or something—else, but never dreamed it was Ayla.”
― Jean M. Auel, The Clan of the Cave Bear

Pretty fucking advanced thought for a prehistoric tribe, and I just lost the plot as it gets worse further on in the series.
 
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Oskar Dirlewanger

i am the black niggers
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Peter Sotos' zines should probably get a mention.
Find them yourselves.
They are horrific in a way you might not cope with adequately.
Oh man I loved these when I found the scans online as a kid. A bit unrelated but right after the fall of communism it was quite a weird time for eastern bloc publishing scene, so in the early 90s we used to have a full colour large format mass published hardcore gore magazine available in every newsstand. The covers would be something like large ass closeups of african children eaten alive by flies and stuff like that, and inside was serial killer stuff, car crash victims, crime scene photos and centerfolds of butchered and/or decaying corpses.

I'm a big idiot for selling my copies.
 

BrunoMattei

No I am not the Cinema Snob
True & Honest Fan
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View attachment 958663

Very informative. Did you know the word thug comes from an ancient Indian cult of assassin's called the Thugee? They were forbidden from spilling blood so they carried out all their assassinations by strangulation! Also this book instructs you that if you're sneaking up behind someone to not stare at their back so they don't feel your eyes on them.

I forgot the best part is the author's name.
I owned this for the longest time but had to pawn it off several years ago.
 

Autumnal Equinox

Dinsdale!
kiwifarms.net
Might be an unpopular opinion among fantasy readers (he's held in high regard for some god-only-knows reason) but pretty much anything by R.A Salvatore is pure garbage. Even for junk food fantasy books he's terrible. If we want specifics, his Cleric Quintet books check off pretty much every hackjob box, right down to the villain being the protagonist's father. The Icewind Dale books are just as schlocky.

What is his attraction? Even for kids/teens just starting to dip their toe into fantasy and want something light, there are tons of better options out there.
 
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