Weirdest advice you've ever gotten from your parents - Include context!

[Splendid]

"Never buy lingerie for a woman, Splendid. She won't take it the right way and you'll never get the size right."

He said this on family movie night in front of our family while perfectly sober.

 

[Morbid Boredom]

"Wear clean socks every day."

Dad was a Vietnam veteran.

 

[AnOminous]

"Never buy lingerie for a woman, Splendid. She won't take it the right way and you'll never get the size right."

He said this on family movie night in front of our family while perfectly sober.

He tried to do this, it didn't work out well for him, and since his wife was there and it was obviously about her, she agreed with him.

 

[Splendid]

He tried to do this, it didn't work out well for him, and since his wife was there and it was obviously about her, she agreed with him.

Yeah but my siblings were there too.

 

[AnOminous]

Yeah but my siblings were there too.

Welcome to Kentucky.

 

[Ja'mie]

When you call someone, don't let it ring more than six times. (My mom when I was 8; I dunno--I was calling somebody)

Don't buy your boyfriend/husband a pair of shoes. He'll wear them when he leaves you. (Mom and Grandma when I was 14 and looking at shoes) (I tried this with my ex, it didn't work).

 

[cypocraphy]

"Never hold firecrackers too close to your crotch, you can blow your wang off" - Dad

 

[Coldgrip]

"Never date a girl for more than a week."-Mom

I have no idea just what sort of advice she was trying to give me.

 

[Rabbit Bones]

"Never get married." My mom, currently on her third marriage.

 

[Bugaboo]

My mother told me Santa Claus was dead when I was a kid

 

[Motherboard]

"Stop trying to eat pickles, for fuck's sake you know you don't like them."

 

[Not-NiGHTS]

"Go do bad things when no one is looking"
My mother to 6 year old me.

I can sort of understand the implied message, but it always came out wrong.

 

[polonium]

Pretty sure it was "Don't jerk off standing up" because we had this weird feud with our next door neighbour and my bedroom window had no curtains. I guess they were trying to avert a scandal or something like that.
Off-putting, to 14 year old polonium

Edit: in context, I got busted wringing one out and that was the caveat. We know you're unable to leave it alone, but be discreet. Specifically not standing up in view of the neighbours. As if that was gonna be a thing.
Edit2: I wasn't even hanging out of the window when busted

 

[Yamyam]

I was talking to my mom about doing art commissions once and She told me
"You should try to draw and sell porn. Drawing porn can make a nice buck or two. I used to know a girl who sold porn art."

Okay thanks mom

 

[Splendid]

I was talking to my mom about doing art commissions once and She told me
"You should try to draw and sell porn. Drawing porn can make a nice buck or two. I used to know a girl who sold porn art."

Okay thanks mom

Several Kiwis have mentioned that selling furry porn is actually a pretty good racket. There's an endless demand for any art, even low quality art and good artists can charge a lot, but you have to be willing to put up with drawing their weird fetishes. The fetishes alone were enough to make several of them leave that market.

 

[Yamyam]

Several Kiwis have mentioned that selling furry porn is actually a pretty good racket. There's an endless demand for any art, even low quality art and good artists can charge a lot, but you have to be willing to put up with drawing their weird fetishes. The fetishes alone were enough to make several of them leave that market.

I know it is it. People will aways pay shit for porn. It's just weird hearing that from my mom.

 

[The Knife's Husbando]

"Cut around his asshole, then run your knife 'tween his legs around his wang & up to his breastbone. Everything should fall out then."

My father, teaching me to dress a deer.

 

[Splendid]

I know it is it. People will aways pay shit for porn. It's just weird hearing that from my mom.

I'll pay you $5 for tranny null x male katsu.

 

[The Knife]

"Never bring home anyone darker than a paper bag."

Context: The South

Kicker: As a full grown adult, I brought my Korean best friend to visit. Friend brought her own paper bag for demonstration purposes.

 

[Yamyam]

I'll pay you $5 for tranny null x male katsu.

Make it 15 and we are good.