What does Chris (thinks he) has to offer? -

[Satoru182]

The “Father Call” is my favorite recording of Chris. He is immediately put against the ropes by Mike Deboria with the first questions.
1. Do you have a Job?
No, but social security
2. Do you have your own place?
No, I live with my parents.
3. How old are you?
I’m 29, almost 30.
4. There is something wrong with you?
No, but High functioning autistic.
5. If you have kids with Kasey are they going to be retarded?
No, I guarantee they are not going to be retarded.(but im lying)
6. You have nothing to offer my daughter.
I HAVE PLENTY TO OFFER HER!!! DERP!!!DERP!!!SONICHU!1!DERP!!!

-What does he thinks he can offer a potential partner!?
-Just love and companionship?
-He has any idea of the needs of a companion let alone a family?
-Cant he see how unflattering he is to a potencial in law?

 

[EzioCanLeapofFaith]

He thinks he can offer HONESTY and CARING, however we know that this is a lie too.

It's incredible how much Chris lacks the ability to look at himself critically. In his mind, things are true because he says so. If he says he has plenty to offer, then he has plenty to offer, even though evidence suggests that he doesn't.

 

[champthom]

-What does he thinks he can offer a potential partner!?
-Just love and companionship?

Yeah, pretty much that he'll be a loyal companion who will constantly show affection to his partner. Also he might think he's a skilled lovemaker .

 

[DykesDykesChina]

Chris doesn't understand how adult relationships work, that you should show some positive or at least interesting attributes in order to be attractive. Does a three-year old who throws a tantrum at the supermarket checkout because he didn't get that candy bar think about give and take? No, he just wants that candy and is enraged because mommy won't buy it. That's as far as Chris's understanding of the world goes.

 

[Big Bob Pataki]

the father call is my favorite piece of media of all time.

anyway, i'm with the guy who said HONESTY and CARING. how he thinks he can do that lying on his ass and making his wife work for money that he uses to buy video games is beyond me.

oh, he also thinks he can offer a name for his sweetheart's daughter too. god help her if it's not a daughter and she doesn't name her crystal. never mind that he'll probably ignore her and play video games instead, or worse, do to her what barb did to him

 

[CatParty]

Y'all should know him by now, but, if you don't, he is Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

obviously.

oh and he can offer this:

Spoiler

[youtube]wEKLxgRJnAc[/youtube]

what else would he need to offer?

 

[Kosher Dill]

HE IS STRONG.

 

[Donald Duck]

Himself, obviously. He believes he's a miracle baby and "special" in the sense that he views himself to be the greatest gift to humanity put on Earth by God himself (until he decided that God is trolling him too).

There's also the fact that he genuinely thinks he's a breathtakingly handsome man who women would and should fall over themselves to get in bed with, it's just not happening because of the JERKS! taking all good looking ones and leaving him with none.

 

[Marvin]

-What does he thinks he can offer a potential partner!?
-Just love and companionship?

Yes. See, Chris thinks that because he's going to be the househusband, he doesn't need to provide anything past the love (hmm, yeah, yer pretty) and companionship (play video games and eat 24/7).

-He has any idea of the needs of a companion let alone a family?
-Cant he see how unflattering he is to a potencial in law?

He probably didn't expect Kacey's dad to take off the kid gloves with him. The trolls all hate Chris and Chris can ignore their words, but this was someone he couldn't ignore.

Edit: Actually, in-laws are a great call format. We should do more of those. Not just to berate Chris, but to put him in the awkward situation of having to explain how shitty he is. And he can't quit the call or drop it if he still wants to bed the pretty sweetheart.

 

[Christ-Chan]

Yeah, I really don't understand the question. It's been repeatedly established that Chris thinks he's handsome, great at making love, intelligent and just an all-around great guy, so this shouldn't come as a shock to anyone.

P.S. No one would agree to take and publish all the nude and rude videos he has made, or taken all the supposedly "sexy" pictures, if he wasn't very confident in his own appearance, so there's a clue right there.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

He thinks he can offer HONESTY and CARING

It's pretty amazing how he thinks no other guy in the world can offer a woman honesty and caring, in addition to the other things they offer that Chris doesn't. He really seems to think he has the monopoly on sympathy/empathy even though the opposite is true.

If he says he has plenty to offer, then he has plenty to offer, even though evidence suggests that he doesn't.

I know I've heard him use this in some Kacey calls, and I think in one of my calls too, and elsewhere, but when you confront Chris with sound proof that what he's saying isn't true, sometimes he'll go "yeahbutstill, I FEEL that it is true, please believe me" or something along those lines. That's the closest you'll get him to admitting that he wants you to believe something is true just because he wants it to be true.

Actually, in-laws are a great call format. We should do more of those. Not just to berate Chris, but to put him in the awkward situation of having to explain how shitty he is. And he can't quit the call or drop it if he still wants to bed the pretty sweetheart.

Fuck yeah, that's a good idea.

 

[teheviltwin]

I love the idea of more in-laws.

 

[Descent]

I think in the Jackie e-mails that were released a little while ago Chris mentioned talking to Jackie's dad. Was that recorded? I know the Ivy father call wasn't

 

[Christ-Chan]

Fuck yeah, that's a good idea.

Maybe you should have had your dad call Chris up and ask him why he's bullying you through his comics.

 

[teheviltwin]

Fuck yeah, that's a good idea.

Maybe you should have had your dad call Chris up and ask him why he's bullying you through his comics.

TBH Alec could probably phone Chris up and pretend to be his own Dad, it's not like Chris would recognise his voice.

 

[applecat]

Or Megan's, Mimms', or Mimms' girlfriend's father asking why Chris is advocating their assault and/or murder on Facebook.

EDIT: Come to think of it, it might be fun to construct this persona of Mimms' Girlfriend (she doesn't need a name. Chris doesn't care about her existence beyond her being Mimms' girlfriend) as this Mother Teresa-character who volunteers for charity, builds homes in Haiti, and rescued a dog from an earthquake. And Chris wants her dead because she happens to be dating someone who took a picture of him 6 years ago.

 

[Sexual Stallone]

"I'm loooooyal, I'm stroooooooooong, I'm very strong willed, and I feel-and I feel- that when the time cooooomes, I would be able to support your daughter as well"

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

"I'm loooooyal, I'm stroooooooooong, I'm very strong willed, and I feel-and I feel- that when the time cooooomes, I would be able to support your daughter as well"

I think in some part of the Jackie correspondence after the pull-up video, he was all like "yeah, I know I can't do a single pull-up, but still, I am VERY strong."

It never ends. He wants you to give him credit for things he just demonstrated he doesn't deserve five minutes ago.

 

[CatParty]

"I'm loooooyal, I'm stroooooooooong, I'm very strong willed, and I feel-and I feel- that when the time cooooomes, I would be able to support your daughter as well"

I think in some part of the Jackie correspondence after the pull-up video, he was all like "yeah, I know I can't do a single pull-up, but still, I am VERY strong."

It never ends. He wants you to give him credit for things he just demonstrated he doesn't deserve five minutes ago.

he was very defiant in the pull up video, too. like he deserved china just for trying a pull up.

 

[Marvin]

"I'm loooooyal, I'm stroooooooooong, I'm very strong willed, and I feel-and I feel- that when the time cooooomes, I would be able to support your daughter as well"

I think in some part of the Jackie correspondence after the pull-up video, he was all like "yeah, I know I can't do a single pull-up, but still, I am VERY strong."

It never ends. He wants you to give him credit for things he just demonstrated he doesn't deserve five minutes ago.

I really love the pull-up video. It's so great because Chris didn't even consider the possibility that he couldn't do it. So he was perfectly confident he could do it right up until he failed and the look on his face is priceless.