What if Lolcows did Major Advertising? -

[RequiredName]

What would they advertise, and how would they go about it? I'm predicting a lot of adult diapers entries.

"Well, um. There's nothing quite like the, uh, first taste of coffee, at um, er, in the middle of the night. It really lights up the fire in the, uh, soul."

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

They would work great for condom ads.

"Remember to use Tojan, or else..."

 

[Arkangel]

Do you REALLY want to see an advert at a tattoo/piercing store featuring Chris telling you how safe taint piercings are?

 

[Le Bateleur]

Spoiler: Guns?

Spoiler: Swimwear?

Spoiler: Baked goods?

 

[Randall Fragg]

"Hi, I'm Homer, GamerGate extraordinaire. Don't buy Fallout 4, because it's pro-feminazi. Play games like (insert shitty anime porn games here) and you can be just like me! I mean, who wants all the feminist content is Fallout 4? (Play clip of fun fallout stuff) No me, I didn't become the way I am through feminism. So hah, take that females! (Eats sandwich)."
See, reverse psychology. Play Fallout 4 or you become a crazy Filipino who rants about feminists and eats sandwiches.

 

[Randall Fragg]

Spoiler: Guns?

Spoiler: Swimwear?

Spoiler: Baked goods?

Wait, someone let Gloria near a rifle? That just seems like a recipe for "trip to hospital".
At least they did show some basic gun safety, like "shooting into a pile of dirt so your bullet doesn't fly off and hit someone." Considering the people in the video, even that is surprising.

 

[Zorceror44]

Fanta. 'Nuff said.

 

[Pine Tar]

Doritos and Mountain Dew.

 

[XYZpdq]

Tyce clearly needs to be a pitchman for Knife Shows.

 

[Pine Tar]

Tyce clearly needs to be a pitchman for Knife Shows.

Or Blendtec.

 

[Hawker Hurricane]

"I'm TJChurch and I'd like to tell/inform/shriek-loudly-at you that Liberty Medical is a safe &/or easy/affordable way to get your testing supplies for the diabetes you might have, but I do not have in any way &/or shape &/or form."

 

[sparklemilhouse]

What would they advertise, and how would they go about it? I'm predicting a lot of adult diapers entries.

"Well, um. There's nothing quite like the, uh, first taste of coffee, at um, er, in the middle of the night. It really lights up the fire in the, uh, soul."

Kai would advertise coffee mate since she puts half a cup of coffee mate AND sugar in her coffee.

MovieBob thinks he can advertise the thesaurus since he used it to write half his "book".

Organizedlikejen with the container store which is her idea of heaven.

Craftybeautydiva (Maria) would advertise those check cashing loan places you see commercials for during Maury.

Pixy with all her eBay finds.

 

[cypocraphy]

Nick Bate:

"Poop: It's whats for dinner"

 

[Ancani]

Nick Bate:

"Poop: It's whats for dinner"

Alternately, he could be a spokesman for these guys. I mean, if anyone would hire a lawyer based solely on the fact that their law firm's name has the word "butt" in it, it'd be him.

 

[Hyperion]

CWC for Fanta:

Chris: So hmm yeah dat dere Fanta drink was made in Nazi Germany.

Director: God damn it Chris.

 

[The_Hissing_Vigilant]

Axe.

"Tired of having to shower? Want more uh, screen-time? Well, Never take a shower again! Sit, play vidya and uh The sweethearts will smell it a mile away...hmmmmmhmhmm"

 

[Conrix]

Axe.

"Tired of having to shower? Want more uh, screen-time? Well, Never take a shower again! Sit, play vidya and uh The sweethearts will smell it a mile away...hmmmmmhmhmm"

I could actually see that as a satirical/parody ad which turns out to be for Old Spice, where shortly after that quote, Terry Crews punches Chris into orbit while yelling JULAAAAAAAAAAAY! and counters with his own saying about Old Spice's EXTREME ODOR BLOCKING POWERS until Chris' house just explodes because it's unworthy of the presence of Terry Crews, and all the weens would see the commercial declaring EPIN WEEN JULAY!!! in the inevitable Youtube comments.

But seriously not gonna happen unless you're willing to pay Terry Crews to (fake) punch an actor portraying Chris into orbit for a stupid video, so I could think of a few of the myriad of uses of lolcows in advertising.

-Tyce for an anti-drug PSA (dunno if this counts but it makes so damn much sense)
"hey guiz look im totl hartcor anallcest u wanna be analchest liek me huff jenkem" "Don't do drugs or you might end up like this idiot. LOLCOWS - My anti-drug"

-in light of someone else's reverse-game-ad idea, Chris could be in an Xbox ad where he rants about the HexBawcks, smashes display stands, and gets kicked out of WalMart by a cop, then the commercial says "Buy the Xbox [insert number or word here] or you'll end up like a crazy manchild who smashes display stands and gets kicked out of stores".

-Any lolcow who's notorious for getting hacked repeatedly should be a pitchman for some net security solution.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Chris could advertise recycling services.

 

[Pine Tar]

Nick Bate as a before model for some cleaning product.

 

[Trombonista]

Pixyteri would love to do a commercial for a costume shop or Japanese restaurant, complete with gratuitous (incorrect) Japanese.