Disaster What Is Kink-Shaming? (And Why You Should Avoid Doing It) -

Kiwi Lime Pie

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Ok, first of all: Disinterest in a kink - even vocal disinterest - is not shaming.
For people that put too much of an emphasis on consent, it makes no sense that they would claim that a partner not being interested in a particular type of sex play is kink-shaming. Surely they aren't saying somebody has the right to force their kinks on someone else? That doesn't sound very consensual to me.

And here I thought what happens in the bed room was supposed to be a private thing, this just sounds like some sick fucks want their perverse shit accepted by society
That's the thing. Many people who have sexual interests that might be seen as kinks know enough not to powerlevel about them and tell people that neither want nor need to know. If they tell anyone, it's usually limited to others they know share the same kink or people they know that have some sort of interest or curiosity and won't blab about what gets discussed about said kinks.

It's not surprising that in the age where people post everything on social media, they think they should be able to broadcast their sex life and preferences without consequence. Worse are the people that express this stuff on their primary social media account(s) or post pictures of themselves being pawed at or groped by their lovers even though their friends list includes parents, relatives, teen children, and other people that probably don't want to see that sort of thing (and shouldn't be seeing it, anyways).

If you're a person who frequently uses the word "vanilla" to describe the sex lives of people you don't know or have sex with, you deserve to be shamed until you kill yourself.
I'm willing to bet the people that are quick to label others' sex lives as "vanilla" would find some bogus reason to say the label isn't kink-shaming in itself when their own standards and definition would consider it such.

Specifically relating to the OP article, there's a term for someone who asks an opinion of someone else and then reacts negatively to a politely-given "No" or negative response: special snowflake :tumblr:.
 

ADHD

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I'm willing to bet the people that are quick to label others' sex lives as "vanilla" would find some bogus reason to say the label isn't kink-shaming in itself when their own standards and definition would consider it such.
I'm willing to bet the people who are labeled as having "vanilla" sex lives are getting more sex than the degenerates whining about their kinks.
 

Lunete

Nighty night...
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I don't understand how so many people act like being shamed for something is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to them.
A little bit of shame can actually be quite good for you. But then again if more people kept their shameful shit to themselves this website would be a lot less interesting.
 
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Ogg66

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I don't want to know about other peoples sex lives, there are way too many people who over share this shit and really it is boring and repulsive.

Someone mentioned feminists and consent, on Mumsnet there are a few feminist posters who will nearly always post that a man denying a woman sex is using it as abusive coercive control but other way on the man expecting or disappointed at no sex is abusively emotionally controlling them. So I would well expect a good few to be of the attitude that no men do not have the right to say no, no matter what the kink.
 
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Clark Griswold

Family Man
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Every fucking sped in existence these days is far too comfortable openly sharing whatever disgusting shit they like subjecting themselves to sexually specifically because they stopped being shamed for it. Shame is all that's keeping the furfags at bay.
 

vertexwindi

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Jesus this is the most exceptional shit I ever read. You know, usually people prevent this kind of thing by simply talking beforehand what they like and don't like. Hell, there are websites out there where you can fill out a questionnaire with your sex partner about your kinks and the results only show the kinks you match on. Somebody might abuse that format to fill out everything disingenuously but at that point you have bigger problems to worry about. I mean seriously, what the hell is this:

“I had a man recoil and tell me he ‘doesn’t do that weird sh*t’ when I placed his hand closer to my neck. It made me feel super uncomfortable for the rest of that interaction.” - Maria, 29
Why the fuck would you not ask if he'd like to do that before you danced the hokey pokey with him? Like no shit he'd feel weary about that one, he could accidentally overdo it and kill you. You need to sit down, talk it through and assure him that with only some light pressure placed on her throat he wouldn't end up cumming in a corpse (at least I assume, tfw no gf). Speaking of weird shit:

Brito notes that some common targets of kink-shaming include “fetishes that are uncommon, such as titillagnia (arousal to tickling other people) or urophilia (arousal to urine or urinating on others), dressing up as a furry or a desire to be choked or spanked.”
How the fuck is spanking at all like any of these other fetishes? Who the fuck considers spanking too kinky? Are you hooking up with Catholics or something?
 

Angry New Ager

CLINTON 2020: "One Nation, Under a Groove..."
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"I would define kink-shaming as the negative judgment and criticism of all sexual contact that isn't considered vanilla or ‘mainstream,’” says Jor-El Caraballo, a relationship therapist and co-creator of Viva Wellness.
Dude, you grew up in a household with parents who named you "Jor-El." Or, if they didn't inflict that on you, you chose it for yourself and legally changed it. Either way, you have issues, and I'm not taking relationship advice from you.

That said, after reading this article, I'm pretty sure the definition of "kink-shaming" is actually, "Refusing to greet your partner's confession that they're into some weird, possibly disgusting and disturbing, or even unsafe, sexual behavior with absolute acceptance, understanding, and a willingness to try it."

Typical of SJW bullshit, the one who deviates furthest from the norm is the one whose feelings deserve the most consideration, even if doing so comes at the expense of the more "normal" party.

That said, if you've got a kink, you think your partner might be receptive to it, and you decide you want to tell them, you've got to do it with the understanding that their feelings about it are just as valid as yours. If they react negatively? You say, "I know; it's weird. We don't have to do it, and I won't mention it again if it makes you uncomfortable." And then you drop it, and never bring it up again unless your partner (who has had time to think on it and decide on their own whether they want to try it) does.
Brito notes that some common targets of kink-shaming include “fetishes that are uncommon, such as titillagnia (arousal to tickling other people) or urophilia (arousal to urine or urinating on others), dressing up as a furry or a desire to be choked or spanked.”
A tickling fetish sounds harmless enough--but a lot of people don't like being tickled, or at the very least would not find it sexually arousing. You want to act that relatively harmless fetish out? It's going to come at the expense of your partner's comfort and pleasure, and if you're willing to guilt-trip them into doing something they don't enjoy (or are repulsed by), you ought to be shamed. And don't even get me started on people into urine/scat, or furries, who dare get all butthurt over having their kink treated like radioactive garbage.
 

Apoth42

Hehe xd
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Go on the left-wing memes thread and you will see nothing but kink shaming.

There are people saying that Trump likes anal sex to insult him and people saying that he has a gay lover with Putin.
 
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The Final Troondown

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Really helpful article that helped open my girlfriend's mind - you see she's been all pissy with me since I shoved my dick up her backside while she was asleep last week. After reading this article she's just given me a tearful apology for kinkshaming me over my anal rape kink.

Thanks askmen!
 

Tasty Tatty

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Why the fuck would you not ask if he'd like to do that before you danced the hokey pokey with him? Like no shit he'd feel weary about that one, he could accidentally overdo it and kill you. You need to sit down, talk it through and assure him that with only some light pressure placed on her throat he wouldn't end up cumming in a corpse (at least I assume, tfw no gf). Speaking of weird shit:
I guess the reason is that we're talking about casual hookups or relationships based mostly on sex.

Say, if I ask my husband to do something freaky, at must he will say "no, you freak" and move on. Also, aside for any response, we both feel comfortable enough with each other to talk about this and we already know our boundaries. Husband won't ask something I don't like and vice versa.

The people featured in the article, I suppose, don't have that level of intimacy in their relationships or expect sex will be the most important part of it as though is some constant hookup. The intimacy of a relationship comes from your average interaction too. They lack that.
 
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