What Lolcow Do You Think is Not Funny -

Done

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
DSP himself isn't funny as a cow anymore, mainly because he's forced to constantly be evasive and on the defensive by persistent idiots who comb through his streams for things to take him down with. Those frequently turn out to be lolcows themselves, but most of them know enough to go to ground almost immediately, so it's never as long-lasting as the original show actually is.

This plus Chris's recent issues really confirmed for me that cows are always best when they're in a happy, contented state, they feel free to actually go out and do things that can lead to genuinely funny fuck ups. Miserable DSP would never have made the classic Final Fantasy 13 unboxing video, he wouldn't feel safe about doing anything of that nature.
 

CWCissey

Charming Man
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Chris isn't funny now, merely a curiosity, this also applies to Anna Johnson
YandereDev
DSP
Phil (unless he's trying to get our attention, then the fact he's saying 'LOOK AT ME!' to us itself is pretty funny)
I never really got into Tommy Tooter
Vordymort and Ambreeni, they're just menaces that should have been locked up ages ago
 

Salt Water Taffy

Only bad witches are ugly.
kiwifarms.net
I feel like I'm going against the grain here but I'm going to say Amberlynn. She's fat and she lies a lot, so what? Thing is, I know plenty of people like her in real life, morbidly obese people with rocky personal lives. Amberlynn's situation isn't at all unique, she's just got an online presence, and a boring repetitive one at that, and she doesn't produce any content like comics or cosplay or Let's Plays or anything. What's so special about Amberlynn over any random scooter-rider at Walmart? I'm more interested in the cows that are a bit more unpredictable, and Amberlynn is grindingly predictable.
 

Jewelsmakerguy

(Cheesy 80s music intensifies)
kiwifarms.net
Frankly, there's a reason I've stopped following people like YanDev and Chris- They've either become too tiresome to follow or just too depressing to read. Chris especially once it got revealed that most of the shit that happened these past few years (that weren't fueled by rampant stupidity like the house fire) were the work of two sociopaths with too much free time and parents willing to defend them. Or at least act clueless about their sons' actions.
 

NOT Sword Fighter Super

I swear, I'm a different guy!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I feel like I'm going against the grain here but I'm going to say Amberlynn. She's fat and she lies a lot, so what? Thing is, I know plenty of people like her in real life, morbidly obese people with rocky personal lives. Amberlynn's situation isn't at all unique, she's just got an online presence, and a boring repetitive one at that, and she doesn't produce any content like comics or cosplay or Let's Plays or anything. What's so special about Amberlynn over any random scooter-rider at Walmart? I'm more interested in the cows that are a bit more unpredictable, and Amberlynn is grindingly predictable.
The difference between AL and the typcail Walmart scooter-rider is that we're on for the ride.

She manages to contradict herself on a sentence by sentence basis. Her Amberisms are pretty funny. The Mukbangs are hilarious.

Like you said, she's probably not all that different from your run of the mill delusional fatty, but with AL, we see the delusion up close and personal.
 

Xetzyr

kiwifarms.net
I feel like I'm going against the grain here but I'm going to say Amberlynn. She's fat and she lies a lot, so what? Thing is, I know plenty of people like her in real life, morbidly obese people with rocky personal lives. Amberlynn's situation isn't at all unique, she's just got an online presence, and a boring repetitive one at that, and she doesn't produce any content like comics or cosplay or Let's Plays or anything. What's so special about Amberlynn over any random scooter-rider at Walmart? I'm more interested in the cows that are a bit more unpredictable, and Amberlynn is grindingly predictable.
Partially agree with this, I know several people IRL who are basically carbon copies of her but, like... even worse (more white trash)... but the difference is they don't go on YouTube and turn their sorry, pathetic lives into a pseudo reality TV show for everyone to watch. That's the big difference. I mean there are kooks and crazies everywhere, the trick is how much of a public spectacle do they make out of themselves. The bigger the attraction, the bigger the audience.
 

c-no

Duck
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
CWC. Used to be funny when it was classic striped clownshirt Chris we all knew. Chris of today isn't funny, especially when there's things like the guy that tried to blackmail him and Hirtes making more unfunny tweets from Twitter socks. On the bright side, Chris manages to show us how one can be not only worse than Chris but even worse than Anthony Logatto. Just look at a lolcow such as Hirtes.

DSP. My reason is similar to @neural. Used to be funny but at this point, funny things may as well come from the guy who did animated videos of DSP. Won't deny that it was funny to see DSP jack it on the camera only to realize it was left on, even if there's the possibility that was all fake and kayfabe.

YandereDEV never really made me laugh. He did however make me cringe with a shiver after seeing a clip of him making slurping sounds over an anime character. He's more or less just going to be doing the same thing, making little progress on his Unity animu game and doing streams.

As with the same reason @The Shadow made, Spoony is too depressing to laugh at. He went from being an entertaining internet critic to a wreck and shadow of his former self with all his modern day stuff being Twitter spergings and some sort of gaming stream. As The Shadow said, it's just laziness and political rants at this point for Spoony.
 

TrippinKahlua

From RC Enthusiast to T-Shirt Brand.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
ADF is like Jace.

The latter stroved for his entire lolcow-dom to show nothing but the emotion of anger. Jace was incapable of not being angry.

Then there's ADF, who started to rise in discussion around 2011. It was seriously like no matter what could be posted, no matter how weird he looked. No matter how bad they were all forcing ADF into being the new Chris-Chan, the fact that he was not funny period was clear way back then.
 

Pepsi-Cola

Fuck Cumrobbery!
kiwifarms.net
Pretty much any Lolcow who's just a piece of shit.

Part of what makes someone like Chris so funny is his innocence. Yeah, he's made a few mistakes (that damn dirty Jew had it coming) but for the most part he's just a big goofy autistic dude, who does really weird stuff. Chris is for the most part just a big lovable goofball, so when he dry-humps a playstation 3 for 10 minutes on camera you can just sit there and laugh.

But then let's take a Lolcow like, idk, James Terry Mitchell. James is a fat guy who raped a 9 year old or something like that. Other than that, he has weird edgy 14 year old political opinions and watches weird porn I guess? If he wasn't a fat pedo rapist he wouldn't be a Lolcow. Like, he could do the same shit Chris does, but the fact that he's literally a childrapist immediately overshadows that.

My point is, there has to be a certain amount of lovability for a Lolcow to be funny, at least in my opinion. You'll notice that in dark-humor comedies, or black-comedies, the characters are usually really likable and not just some asshole who has it coming. Because if it was some asshole who had it coming, it wouldn't be funny. There needs to be a certain amount of relatability and sympathy, to foster a connection between the viewer and the character.
 
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