What makes a lolcow for you personally

[CatParty]

we've been recently inundated with an over abundance of posts where users cannot agree on what exactly makes a lolcow. apparently this is a topic that people seem to be divided on. so let's see what exactly makes a lolcow in your eyes. personally i do not qualify outrage porn threads as lolcows. i like people acting goofy or spazzing out or something to make fun of. to me the people getting outraged at an outragecow are more interesting than the subject.

 

[Surtur]

Requirements:

- Posts on Kiwi Farms

 

[FlamingPie]

Another requirement is that a lolcow claims to be smarter than everyone else, and then, five minutes later, chimps out as much as the people he/she/they mock(s).

 

[chimpburgers]

They are weird people who do weird things. I don't like overcomplicating it. Even better if they are sometimes salty, but if they're not, they should be fascinating in some other way. I tend to go for the loons and idiots more.

 

[Clown Doll]

I really like when Lolcows have some weird fantasies or creations they make themselves intead of just having weird opinions on things, like Chris' Sonichu or ADF's "Australatina". And I like goofy cows, I don't much care for salt factories unless it's coupled with goofiness such as being angry about completely irrational things or expressing said anger in a very bizarre way(again, Chris and ADF are very good examples). Whiteguys fartinmyface and VNT are also good examples of bizarre people, but they're fun to laugh at because they don't do anything that harms other people, VNT has some weird views, but he's ultimately harmless and we're left with bizarre videos where he eats bug spray or cuts up paper genitals for the camera while laughing maniacally.

 

[SpessCaptain]

For finding your lolcow it's kind of like find porn. You can just continue to browse and browse porn you think other people like until one day you find somecow that pushes all of your buttons. That is how lolcow do.

Though attention whoring kind of makes me veer away from them because I'd rather not "feed" them.

 

[Puranjin]

Mainly that they go moo if they're prodded. I feel like the most entertaining are volatile.

Characters such as the Slaton Sisters get branded as lolcows, not completely without just reason, but people like that lack the real dedication to respond to naysayers and trolls. They're "not in the game" - the many lolcows who come here, spend a significant amount of time here, and dig the whole deeper - that's the sweet spot.

 

[AnOminous]

I think what may be more important is what disqualifies someone from being a lolcow. There are lots of people who would be lolcows except for one thing, like they're really nice, they are successful celebrities, or whatever.

Success really seems to be one of them, even on a minor scale. Someone can fall hard to the point of ending up a lolcow after some success, but they're generally not a lolcow while successful.

The Metokur thread strikes me as an example of this. He's done some good shit, he's done some dumb shit. He's chimped, ragequit, and has some cringy opinions.

He also did some hilarious work on Nick Nyberg and Nick Bate and on tumblr SJWs. Frankly, if he'd done shit at that level here on this site he would be considered a site hero.

And now he is the subject of not one but two (one locked) threads on how he isn't a lolcow.

I'm in the middle on this in that I think he's a bit of a lolcow but not much of one.

Lolcow is a matter of opinion. It should be more that you're laughing at them than that you're mad at them and consider them the reincarnation of Hitler.

The laughter should be because of their failure, not because they're succeeding, to whatever degree, at something you hate.

Wu is an example of a lolcow. That recent panel where nobody showed up is a great example of why. But the fact that there's a TV show, even a ludicrous one, actually about Wu could arguably be a "success" of sorts, even if she's on the same level as someone who pissed in the meat at their job at Taco Bell.

 

[Pepsi-Cola]

I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I still go by the classic definition of a unwittingly funny person who can be goaded or trolled into doing even funnier things. I don't personally troll (mostly because I'm bad at it and much too lazy to commit to any longterm plans) and I also think we should discourage trolling on the forum because there are always going to be people slightly more retarded than me who think they're going to be the next Clyde Cash of X cow or think that /b/-tier "pranks" are the height of humor ("pizzabombing" someone's house, prank calling, junkflooding, boxflooding, etc) but I think my point still stands.

 

[AnOminous]

I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I still go by the classic definition of a unwittingly funny person who can be goaded or trolled into doing even funnier things.

I dunno, I think that's pretty much the current definition.

Have they already acted dumb in a funny way, and will they be trolled into continuing to do that?

This site is kind of perverse in that actually trolling them seems to be disfavored now, but we're glad to laugh at it when other people do that.

 

[Red_Rager]

People take the definition of lolcow way too seriously. Does the individual make me laugh? Does the individual overreact too much? Does the individual consider the internet serious business? I think it is the overreaction that is the key thing on what makes a lolcow a lolcow compared to people who are just bazzar on the internet. I really think we should have a separate subforum for internet oddities who don't quite fall into the category of lolcow.

 

[AnOminous]

People take the definition of lolcow way too seriously. Does the individual make me laugh?

That's really the big one. But some of these recent threads are about people that just aren't funny at all, or at least that isn't their main feature. If someone is going to be a lolcow solely because of their opinions and not their behavior, that's not really going to be funny if those opinions are ones lots of people who aren't lolcows have.

So BradJesus is an example of someone whose opinions are so fucking insane they're funny by themselves.

But "lol he's a liberal" or "lol he's a conservative" or "lol he believes in God" or "lol he's an atheist" is a pretty shitty basis for a lolcow. "All X are lolcows" aside, even when that's actually accurate, it doesn't mean all X deserve their own personal thread, especially when cows of that sort are all the same.

It's why fandom threads usually suck. And worse, attract actual fans of whatever it's about.

 

[CatParty]

And worse, attract actual fans of whatever it's about.

more for us to laugh at

 

[GS 281]

A lolcow for me is someone who has the innate ability to not only fuck up massively on a a consistent basis, but to also do this in a humorous way at least most of the time. A lolcow can attain some success in life and sustain it, however their success would have to be something that is considered an outlying phenomenon within their entire body of work. more likely, the lolcow who attains some success would eventually fuck up and fall from grace. Lolcows can gain traction with sympathizers, however a true lolcow would wear out any white knight or sympathizer as they would eventually figure out that the lolcow is beyond help. A lolcow should have no sense of self-awareness and have no idea how to correctly improve. A lolcow can know something is wrong, however generally not knowing what and/or how to fix it is a key trait of a lolcow.

A lolcow does not have to be some shit-flinging autist. The "chimping" requirement I have seen many espouse is something that baffles me. A lolcow is not someone who has views or opinions divergent from yours, even if they are factually incorrect. A good rule of thumb here is "If this person wasn't involved with X, and the things I see as lolworthy were involved with Y, would they still be a lolcow?" if not, then you're part lolcow for letting your personal views influence such a significant bias. GamerGate is a perfect example of how this happens. People on the outside will just laugh at you.

 

[Fulda's Gap]

A lolcow, to me at least, is a special title. It isn't merely obsession over a subject matter. That would classify 90% of internet users as a lolcow. While obsession is often an integral part of lolcowdom, it isn't the determining trait.

The creation of a lolcow can potentially occur when an individual posts a creation online, whether it be art, video, writing, or just an opinion. This is because there is one trait that all good lolcows share. By "good lolcows" I mean the ones everyone agrees on.

That trait is a total lack of self-awareness.

For example, let's say you have two Sonic fans together in a chat room of some kind. Let's call them Bob and Dillon. Both create fanfiction. Both have really weird and disturbing fanart on their deviantarts. However, only one of them is a lolcow. You enter into this chatroom and post "Sonic is for big gay babies." Dillon just replies "lol" and blocks you. Bob, however, begins to threaten you. He says he knows people. He says he can really make your life hell for insulting Sonic the Hedgehog.

Bob is now a Lolcow. He will remain a lolcow until he realizes how silly it is to get bent out of shape over an opinion about a video game character.

So, the lack of self-awareness is what makes a lolcow, but add in belligerence and you increase the quality of that lolcow. The more belligerent they are, the more likely they are to respond with funny chimp outs.

TL;DR, A lolcow is clueless when it comes to self-awareness. Belligerence makes them better as it increases the chance of hilarious behavior and responses.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

If there were a single person who encapsulated the common traits of lolcows, this "super lolcow" would:

- be male
- be white
- have brown hair
- have an autism spectrum disorder
- have poor hygiene
- be fat
- wear "pedo glasses"
- have odd or freakish sex-related issues
- be sex-deprived, if not an outright virgin
- live in the Eastern USA with their parent(s) in a house (as opposed to an apartment or other living arrangements)
- be relatively young (under 50)
- have poor college education, if any
- make and post terrible (or at least unprofessional) art while thinking it's professional
- want to make a career of said art
- "chimp out" all the time, especially at criticism of said art
- be very gullible

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

If there were a single person who encapsulated the common traits of lolcows, this "super lolcow" would:

- be male
- be white
- have brown hair
- have an autism spectrum disorder
- have poor hygiene
- be fat
- wear "pedo glasses"
- have odd or freakish sex-related issues
- be sex-deprived, if not an outright virgin
- live in the Eastern USA with their parent(s) in a house (as opposed to an apartment or other living arrangements)
- be relatively young (under 50)
- have poor college education, if any
- make and post terrible (or at least unprofessional) art while thinking it's professional
- want to make a career of said art
- "chimp out" all the time, especially at criticism of said art
- be very gullible

Once again, Chris proves himself to be the granddaddy of all lolcows.

 

[Abethedemon]

I define a lolcow as someone who is unintentionally humorous/intriguing. This can be for a variety of reasons, and it depends on the person. I suppose in our own autistic little ways, that we're all slightly lolcowish, but I think that's fine as long as you are aware of it.

 

[John Titor]

A weirdo who picks fights with the Internet and leaves a trail behind for others to gawk at. Autism optional but it helps. I don't have a very concrete definition describing the lolcows I usually look at.

 

[Strelok]

They need to be

-idiots
-funny
-online

And it's frankly stunning how many can't even hit all three of those low goals.