What makes a lolcow for you personally

  • Registration closed, comedy forum, Internet drama, Sneed, etc.


Sep 15, 2021
Someone who does bizarre/eccentric things and is funny. They never seek help or improve themselves so they keep fucking up. Also they must respond to bait, if they just ignore you then they may not be cow material. Typically these people have mental illness.


I try so hard and got so far
Jul 28, 2020
They can't stop putting TMI onlie , even when they see the negative repercussions they double down and engage with people on the internet in the same way instead of what any normal person would do which is to shut it all down and lay low. It is chronic behaviour, they never change or improve, they'll always come back to repeat the pattern.

Scheele's Green

highly-toxic arsenic dye Napoleon Fan Account
Jul 23, 2021
In order of importance:

1) Prolific online posters.
2) Self righteous and unable to see their own faults.
3) Autistic hobbies or interests
4) Generally sucking at life/stupid

Doctor Danny

Spread the blight
Aug 3, 2021
>here are super sensitive personal details i am placing on the internet for the world to see
>"ha you're retarded!"
>*8 paragraph message/30 minute rant about how people on the internet cant make fun of you for powerleveling*
>rinse and repeat


Greer did not knowingly know
Dec 15, 2016
They have to keep me wondering: what next?
Even the boring ones who cycle through the same behaviour patterns are on some sort of downwards trajectory. And I want to keep checking back to see how it goes. A good cow is a one-man soap opera.

They have to be more than just a weirdo posting their weirdness on the Internet. And more than just an angry argumentative person getting into comment section slapfights. Or a flash in the pan spectacular fuckup.

It's the combo of maladjustment and hubris and delivery of regular content with an oblivious attitude.


Resident Archivist
Forum Staff
True & Honest Fan
Mar 9, 2019
- Flagellate themselves on social media, expecting sympathy from randos.
- Use the same usernames on every platform.
- Posts TMI about themselves. Shame be damned!
- Refuses to better their lives.
- Cannot take criticism well.
- Narcissistic at unreasonable levels.
- Forms a "community" with cultish followers.
- Mentally ill and/or have substance abuse problems.

Pringles Can

Now in Limited Wendys Chicken Sandwich Flavor
True & Honest Fan
Jul 1, 2021
For me, if it's a trainwreck that you can't look away from where the main issue is caused by someone being a complete retard then they are a lolcow.

Kung Pow Cream

Aug 9, 2020
A lolcow has to have two things: the high probability of doing dumb stuff and also that they never learn or develop. Normal people learn from their mistakes, but lolcows don't. They just keep doing the same thing and never learn or develop. When they start learning, they eventually lose their lolcow status.

Splinters RCVD ✞

Babylon comes, but there is hope!
True & Honest Fan
Oct 30, 2021
Any severely disturbed, unsettled person who is as badly malicious and egotistic. The former is what attracts ridicule, the latter is what seals it and makes any lolcow deserve it.


Hijab Fetishist
True & Honest Fan
Nov 28, 2021
Two requirements for me:
  • Believe in batshit conspiracy theories.
  • Regularly posts content on social media about it.
An optional but funny factor is that they use Windows and mainstream social media, despite believing that those companies are in on whatever conspriacy they believe in. I have yet to see a skitzocow that uses Linux and something like BitChute or Brighteon for their videos.


Boil your snow before you eat it
Nov 3, 2019
In no particular order:
- Terminally online
- Inflated ego
- Hyperfixates on politics, especially if they're part of a fringe political movement
- Being extremely open about their weird fetishes (being into BDSM alone isn't lolcow criteria, but talking about it all the time and making it your personality is)

Meeting at least two of those criteria makes you basically guaranteed to be a lolcow,