What sensible job leads can you give DSP? - Kiwi Farms turns placement agency

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Which will happen first? Bankruptcy or a job bagging groceries at Fred Meyer?

  • Bankruptcy

  • Fred Meyer


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Monday Michiru

The Washing of Dishes
kiwifarms.net
Will you help this man?

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He is losing money and momentum fast. He is out of ideas. His priorities are miserably skewed. But tonight he's in your DMs, asking for good-faith advice on side jobs and schedule management. What do you say?

Do you break Dave's heart and tell him that Boeing won't let idiots around airplane parts?
Will you warn him away from becoming a first-time restaurateur?
Do you call forth his worst nightmare and forward him a McDonald's application?
Carry him over the line to hikikomori status?

Show me what good guidance you surely have been sitting on. (Or quote it here from the megathread!)

Such a pathetic and lazy pigroach; can't even do something like be a janitor for a few hours a week to ensure a stable income to serve as a bedrock for his impulse spending. I even picked a job that'd allow him to avoid dealing with humans like the cowardly baby he is.
What if streaming culture dried up? or what if some new fad comes along? He has no backup plan. Let's just say twitch dies out in 4 years. He will be 40 years old with no work history. IDK but we can assume he will also have poor health. During these scams is he tucking money away or is he just tossing it at debt and burning it? Man, the ride is going to get really bumpy soon. Even if he can maintain, what if Kat wants kids? he won't be able to afford them.
He said some time ago that "there is no plan B". HE has no backup plan.
Years ago, he said that if he gets a lot of money, he would open a restaurant and do that and youtube at the same time. Of course, he knew he will never have that, thats why he said it.
Phil specifically quoted Boeing, Amazon, and Microsoft, which was illuminating for me as to the strength of his imagination. As if he would be fit for anything more glamorous than mopping floors or shuffling boxes around in a warehouse.
 

Rokko

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
He could always get a job as a telemarketer. It's essentially the same thing he's doing right now begging people to give up their money. And you sit on your ass on the phone all day, both of which he has extensive experience with. And he couldn't use the bad back excuse either.
For that he needs to get rid of his snorting, burping and strange laugh. Then he needs to gets trained in, idk, being buddy-buddy to the customers and viewers. If he could do that, I could imagine him working for some low-budget telemarketing.
You see how people love to throw money to someone that is arrogant and with a "i am better"-attitude. With a lot of restraint he could overcome the negative traits of his personality and make them into smthg positive!
 

Tanti-Fanti

kiwifarms.net
To be honest, considering his luck he'll probably get a job as a cashier or some form of lower management due to nepotism. When people realize he's an ass, is incompetent, and can't be reasoned with, they'll fire him. If his financial situation is bad (which I do have some doubts about that) then he'll file bankruptcy and e-beg somewhere else.
 

Commander Keen

in GOODBYE GALAXY!!!
kiwifarms.net
BUT HIS BACK, AND THE SUMMER HEAT
phil would fucking die, also having to put up with the higher ups would make phil throw a tantrum.

also he would most defiantly get in trouble for stealing mail and get fucked forever.
Oh, man, those scorching Washington summers. I totally feel for Phil, I bet his electricity bill is through the roof since it was 102 degrees outside and he NEEDS the temperature at 68 or his sinuses fuck up.

Jesus Christ, the high was 72 today in Renton. SEVENTY-FUCKING-TWO. That's a goddamn heat wave.

Anyway, DSP ain't gonna get a "real" job any time soon. In all honesty, his best bet is to transition from streaming into some other online business. If he actually does have a finance degree, he might be able to finagle his way into some sort of financial adviser job where they sell insurance and retirement plans to stupid people. Like an Edward Jones type of thing where they tell people what mutual funds to buy and charge two grand for telling you something you could have learned yourself had you simply took the time to sit down and research things. DSP can scam fairly alright, he could fleece old people.

I would like to see Phil transition from streaming into a sort of online business where he teaches young, hip kids how to stream. I would be curious to see if he just tells them what he did and that's what they should do or if he has a moment of clarity and tries to actually help them be successful as a streamer.
 

Saigonara

I am here to yiff you
kiwifarms.net
Try the circus

'PLEASE WELCOME PENNEWISE THE CLOWN AND HIS AMAZING TRICK: HYPNOTIZING A HUMAN INTO A SUBSERVILE PAYPIG'

or the freakshow at a county fair

'STEP RIGHT UP, LADIES AND GENTS, STEP RIGHT UP! FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE ONE AND ONLY RARE SPECIMEN: THE PIG ROACH! IT SNORTS, BURPS, AND BEGS WHILE DEVOURING 300LBS OF ARBY BURGERS!'
 
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