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What sensible job leads can you give DSP?Kiwi Farms turns placement agency

Discussion in 'Phil Burnell, the Onion Man' started by Monday Michiru, Aug 4, 2018.

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Which will happen first? Bankruptcy or a job bagging groceries at Fred Meyer?

  1. Bankruptcy

  2. Fred Meyer

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. He could become a consultant for Youtubers, helping them to fix demonetization issues. What he pulled off with DSPGaming would probably be worth actual money if he did it for a bigger channel with real viewers.
    • 🤔 Thunkful x 1
    Kosher Dill

    Kosher Dill Potato Chips
    True & Honest Fan

  2. salvation army ringing that bell. but sitting in a chair he wouldnt last standing up
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. Phil has connections at Twitch and Twitch is located in Seattle so he could apply to them. There is an Executive Assistant position where he would be perfect for since he got that "business degree" and ran a 10 year successful business.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Feels Feels x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1

    DukeMorty Just Here For The Ride

  4. Exterminator.
    • 🤔 Thunkful x 1
  5. Prison snitch perhaps?
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Anything involving sales, but, "lower" class sales jobs like cell phone or property and casualty insurance sales. He likes to talk a lot BS and presents good enough to fill a role like that.
    • Agree Agree x 1

    NotreallyPutin Dave stole my grill

  7. Technically, he could work for a gaming magazine (yes these shill magazines we won't need anymore because we can watch streamers and their genuine real reaction and opinions on new games bc streamers automatically know so much about critical investigations and are totally not bias against any sort of game franchise, especially DSP).
    I mean he has some sort of education, he also has/had a review channel, he plays games every day.

    However, these magazines also have some standards, can choose among hundreds of people who want to do this job, and are usually run by people who know the internet and gaming. It's very certain they know about DSP and his reputation. And if not they will look him up especially if he has to write about his 10 year legacy (which is an empty achievement. He uses a website for 10 years, amazing).

    It's also not necessarily an easy job, it's way harder than just livestreaming. If you believe it or not but you have to leave the house. Sometimes you need to visit developers. Sometimes even in other countries. Walk and stand for hours in game conventions!

    Or let me talk about the games you need to play before everyone else. Without handholding! There are no walkthroughs! There is no chat and you can't ask anyone. He would moan like a deflating rubber duck.

    Honestly this is way too hard for pigroach, not even joking.
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1

    Wurstbrot *Annoying Goat Laugh*

  8. I could see Phil getting some kind of monthly column people glance at it to hear the washed-up old man rant. It would basically be a transcribed pre-stream.

    Daktaklakpak Autistic Space Robot

  9. Ahnestly, a weekly old-man-rant would be kinda amazing. Usually intentionally as a parody, but Phil is able to create that unironically.
    "This is not even like the original, it's way too fast and even if I do nothing I still get hit. This is seriously the worst game I've ever played, I'm not even kidding you. Fuck you Kojima, learn to make a real game like I'm used to play 10 years ago." - Slowmotion Simulator 2020, not by Kojima

    Wurstbrot *Annoying Goat Laugh*

  10. I'm sure Shwan's has someone who's job is to test out the frozen meals. With his grade-A food review work on DSP Tries It he has experience. Maybe dsp could try and get that job. Of course someone would have to microwave them for him.
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Guinea pig for whatever lab is trying to cure chronic snorting

    sperginity crescent fresh

  12. He can actually get started on being one right now. Who knows, he may be the first televangelist to debut on twitch and make tons of money selling "miracle water"
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