What topics would you just *love* to hear Phil hold forth upon? - Erudite commentary from a real motherfucker

[rizlajizzla]

Personally, I love it when Phil rambles on about some non-game related gibberish half formed idea or topic he read about 29 years ago from a copy of his grandma's Reader's Digest. Like his brief but informative lecture on acid-related diseases of the body, or his shocking expose on the state of mental health care in America today. He has been alone in a room for 10 years, he is completely cut off from the reality of the workplace and any type of social life AND he is an entitled asshole. I love asktheking rants. I really find it entertaining when he explains about how adult life is in America for his international fans (who he seems to envision as very stupid, and about 12.) (Yeah, ok, fair.) He just spews the most astonishing, pig-ignorant drivel.

For luls, I would love to hear him fagsplain more about:

• More stories about his childhood & teen years. There must be a dozen more Wolverine stories; he was a dick.
• Art. I wanna know how many paintings he can recognize that he also knows the artist.
  
• Crime. You know the cringe would be intense.

What topic would you love Phil to enlighten you upon?

 

[Black Waltz]

what does he think about touhou
wait, wrong Phil

 

[Woyzeck]

I got a real good laugh out of his Army recruitment story. Everything about that was so “Phil”. The fact that the guy said he was a “top officer candidate” (lol), and the fact that he immediately resorted to insulting veterans (“hurr durr we’ll fight for our country”) over some perceived slight. Some of the clearest evidence I’ve seen to date that he has NPD.

 

[gaarashatan]

honestly, anything. cause you know anything that comes out of that fast food mouth is just going to be and sound dumb as shit. "i have zero skills of my own, all i do is play video games and watch wwe for the last 10 yrs" DSP the wise. certainly the philosopher the world needs. and you know philosophers, they were always egotistical, narcissists, and shallow. and always bringing up the past of their "glory" days.

 

[LyteSydeByll]

Really want to know his stance on politics. "cheer25 phil what do you think of Trump's tariffs?" "I don't know what you're talking about hahaha there you go thanks for the bits."

 

[Postal Dude]

Honestly I'd prefer it if he shuts up.

 

[Heckler1]

I like whenever he crashes into some modern slang or meme he doesn't understand, and has an old man ramble about how new things are stupid

 

[Commander Keen]

I got a real good laugh out of his Army recruitment story. Everything about that was so “Phil”. The fact that the guy said he was a “top officer candidate” (lol), and the fact that he immediately resorted to insulting veterans (“hurr durr we’ll fight for our country”) over some perceived slight. Some of the clearest evidence I’ve seen to date that he has NPD.

Phil was probably one of those kids who test well. If he actually did go to college, he did well on the SAT or ACT and that's how he got into that private school. His grades might have sucked because he's a lazy fuck and that's how he didn't get into UConn.

That being said, the military recruitment story isn't anything unique. High schools across America place aside a day for students to take the ASVAB, which is the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery. Phil probably thought it was awesome to be able to get out of class and went to take it. He probably did well, the ASVAB is piss-easy and designed to allow even the slow-in-the-minds to find a place in Uncle Sam's military.

My mom said I could stay home that day if I agreed to not take the ASVAB, so I never took it until college where I was doing some research and I was told I would not be subject to recruitment efforts. Which was a lie, but that's another story. But in high school one of the "smart kids" had a stupid amazing score that made him eligible to do whatever he wanted to do and the military started calling his house almost every damn day trying to talk him into enlisting. This was a bit after 9-11, so recruitment efforts were jacked up to eleven.

Like with anything, Phil only gives enough information to make himself seem awesome. I wish he would give more info, but that'll never happen because then anyone with a few minutes to spare could pick apart his story. Give me more details Phil. I need to know just how not-impressed I should be.

 

[gaarashatan]

i took the asvab once, was very simple questions about common everyday things. like how an engine runs. almost fell asleep doing it cause it was so boring. but i digress. i would love see phil discuss the topic of his income, and how like 4 ppl are holding him from homelessness

 

[rizlajizzla]

I got a real good laugh out of his Army recruitment story. Everything about that was so “Phil”. The fact that the guy said he was a “top officer candidate” (lol), and the fact that he immediately resorted to insulting veterans (“hurr durr we’ll fight for our country”) over some perceived slight. Some of the clearest evidence I’ve seen to date that he has NPD.

Good one! That's exactly the kind of shit I find lolsy.

i took the asvab once, was very simple questions about common everyday things. like how an engine runs. almost fell asleep doing it cause it was so boring. but i digress. i would love see phil discuss the topic of his income, and how like 4 ppl are holding him from homelessness

I wonder if Phil could draw out a simple steam engine on a scrap of paper. I wonder if he could build a campfire. Can you imagine being lost on a desert island with someone who's maximum competency is 4th place at Evo, like, 80 years ago? I will assume he could change a tire or oil... or is my heart too soft?

 

[gaarashatan]

Good one! That's exactly the kind of shit I find lolsy.



I wonder if Phil could draw out a simple steam engine on a scrap of paper. I wonder if he could build a campfire. Can you imagine being lost on a desert island with someone who's maximum competency is 4th place at Evo, like, 80 years ago? I will assume he could change a tire or oil... or is my heart too soft?

definitely too soft, no way does he know how to change oil. or plumbing, or household appliances, or even simply repairing a hole in drywall. like ive always said, he has zero skills, all he can do is make a shitty sauce, play video games (badly) and complain. he has zero talent or skills for anything

 

[Commander Keen]

Good one! That's exactly the kind of shit I find lolsy.



I wonder if Phil could draw out a simple steam engine on a scrap of paper. I wonder if he could build a campfire. Can you imagine being lost on a desert island with someone who's maximum competency is 4th place at Evo, like, 80 years ago? I will assume he could change a tire or oil... or is my heart too soft?

He has a bad back, dood. He can't lift a tire to change it. He can't crank a jack. You want him to be paralyzed on the side of the road?

 

[Noodles&Nuggets]

He's brought up starting a politics video series or podcast or something. I wonder what conclusions he comes to with all that work and life experience these past 10 years.

 

[rizlajizzla]

He has a bad back, dood. He can't lift a tire to change it. He can't crank a jack. You want him to be paralyzed on the side of the road?

Maybe the ambulance men will come and he can get his own pill and leaflet.

 

[actually]

Honestly, nothing. Phil is one of the most low-information people I've ever encountered. He doesn't know anything that's going on in the world, and he honestly doesn't even know much of what's going on in gaming outside of release dates. He has no intellectual curiosity that I can see. When he does decide to weigh in on a topic, it is 100% the most shallow possible stance that can be taken.

 

[A Witty Name]

Whatever Phil talks about, I would want it to be in an internet bloodsports setting.

 

[rizlajizzla]

Honestly, nothing. Phil is one of the most low-information people I've ever encountered. He doesn't know anything that's going on in the world, and he honestly doesn't even know much of what's going on in gaming outside of release dates. He has no intellectual curiosity that I can see. When he does decide to weigh in on a topic, it is 100% the most shallow possible stance that can be taken.

'Low Information' is the best thing I have heard in a while. I am going to use that. It's perfect. I agree.

Whatever Phil talks about, I would want it to be in an internet bloodsports setting.

Yes. Oh, yes. But we would need to understand the context of him flopping around on the floor like an Italian football star and begging for mercy. Things are not just black and white. When he submission pissed all over Geoffthehero, it was his depression, dude.

 

[ProdigalDuke]

Him talking about sport is always great, because as always, he knows absolutely nothing about what he's discussing, but he probably read one article and suddenly feels like he can offer whatever is the most contrarian and edgy opinion about a currently trending event. Usually it boils down to "nobody cares about it, dood", which I believe he spouted for both the Mayweather v McGregor fight and the World Cup. If it's not big to Dave, then it's not big to anybody, real talk.

I don't know enough about WWE to comment on whether his views on it are garbage, but considering that's the only thing resembling a sport that he regularly watches, I'd expect him to have some sort of informed opinion. Then again, this is DSP.

 

[Wurstbrot]

I don't know enough about WWE to comment on whether his views on it are garbage, but considering that's the only thing resembling a sport that he regularly watches, I'd expect him to have some sort of informed opinion. Then again, this is DSP.

Wrestling is totally Phil's style. It's a fabricated fight, fake opinions, fake winners/losers, fabricated drama, they have over the top costumes and sometimes dyed hair. This is awesome! Except when other streamers do that, nobody should like their toxic fake garbage*.

*) Toxic Fake Garbage Streamers are presented by DSP, your source for made up people on the internet.

 

[Pubic Enemy #1]

I really really want Phil to start talking about SJW stuff. Gender identity, microaggressions, and shit like that. You know he would if he thought he could make a quick buck, quick buck from it. He's dabbled in virtue-signalling when he tried to call out LTG for using the word "bitch", so he's testing the waters. That would be a glorious fountain of tard cum. Imagine Phil trying to PC Principal his chat for an hour or more.