What Was the WORST Thing that You've Ever Made?

  • Registration closed, comedy forum, Internet drama, Sneed, etc.
R

RP 520

Guest
kiwifarms.net
Back when I was learning how to cook things at around 9 or 10 I "experimented" to see what would happen if you tried to substitute water instead of oil/fat in a skillet when making scrambled eggs.

It surprisingly worked, but the water removed every single bit of flavor from the eggs so it tasted like nothing. Also a plus that I used a teflon skillet since otherwise I'd probably still be scraping the stuck egg off to this day.
 
R

RI 360

Guest
kiwifarms.net
Back when I was learning how to cook things at around 9 or 10 I "experimented" to see what would happen if you tried to substitute water instead of oil/fat in a skillet when making scrambled eggs.

It surprisingly worked, but the water removed every single bit of flavor from the eggs so it tasted like nothing. Also a plus that I used a teflon skillet since otherwise I'd probably still be scraping the stuck egg off to this day.
lol oh that reminds me of the first time i tried making scrambled eggs which was for my friends nephews and I had no idea wtf i was doing so I broke the eggs into the hot skillet and then tried to scramble them in the pan and it came out more like egg confetti and they wouldn't eat it.
 

c-no

Gluttonous Bed Shitter
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
Couple times, I tried to make a burger out of some pre-made patties that were cheaper than the kind I usually buy. After I finished cooking them, the patties looks like they were mean't half the size of small burger buns. Disappointed at the time but I had nothing else to eat after I finished cooking them.
 
R

RI 360

Guest
kiwifarms.net
One time me and my siblings got our moms cheesecake recipe and were excited to make it on our own, it called for cream so had two coffee mate containers in the fridge and reasoned the french vanilla one would work better than the hazelnut so we mixed it in and shortly after that it dawned on me "Oh wait.. do you think that meant heavy cream?" and we were both silent for a little while and abandoned the project.
 

TheMightyMonarch

Yee
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 8, 2015
I don't know it was that "gross" but when I was like 15, I used to mix diet coke with whatever type of Vodka that was in my parents' liquor cabinet. I didn't really know anything about making drinks so I would use way more vodka than necessary. It wasn't really drinkable but I thought I was so cool.

Also one time when I was at summer camp, we made a solar oven cake. The thing ended tasting like ass. Seriously one of the grossest things I ever ate.
 

MerriedxReldnahc

#1 Wogglebug Fan
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 10, 2013
First time I ever made biscuits from scratch they came out hard as fuck. And when we managed to break one open with a big ass cleaver and put jelly on it, the jelly turned grey. My sister and I cracked open more, repeated with different stuff like butter, jam, other flavors of jelly, etc. All of it turned grey. My mom ate half of one trying to be nice. But I knew she'd rather die than take another bite it was so awful.

I was 10 years old. My mom forbade me from making biscuits until I was 18, even if it was the ones you buy at the store and bake.

They did come in handy a few days later though for knocking down wasp nests hanging from the gutters. Nice heft to 'em.
My first time making biscuits was probably just as bad. They were rock hard because I overmixed them and I think we still had the shitty ancient stove that turned everything to burnt misery and was disintegrating on the inside, raining down particles of oven coating.

On the subject of biscuits, I have figured out how to make them really well (and we have a oven that won't poison us) and am currently learning how to make gravy. One day I came back from a long run wanting some biscuits with tasty bacon gravy. I discovered that we were quite out of bacon, but I wanted some goddamn gravy. As far as proteins we had a package of pastrami and some Italian-seasoned frozen meatballs. Meatballs seemed to be the much smarter route, so I popped a few frozen meaty golf-balls into the pan and couldn't figure why they were burning instead of releasing sweet meaty nectar. That's because you need to thaw them first, dingleberry. Quick change of plans, I take the hard meat rocks out of the pan, pop them in a bowl and microwave them real quick before tossing them back in. Now we've got that tasty meat juice flowing. I break them up with a spatula, add some flour, buttermilk and seasonings, and serve it up on top of my re-heated biscuits.
That wasn't the WORST thing I've made but, it sure wasn't great.
 

AnOminous

Only the rarest and smuggest of Goodmans
Retired Staff
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Sometimes I'll make a stew of random shit that's otherwise going to go to waste. With some savory herbs and time this often turns out at least okay, and sometimes really good. Once, though, one of the questionable ingredients wasn't just bad but really, really bad, and the result was biohazardous sludge that got double bagged and dumped outside after the first horrifying bite.
 

Jaded Optimist

Me Love You Long Time
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 4, 2015
Looking at this thread reminded me of a running joke my husband and I have. This is the reason I do 99% of the cooking.
my first night sleeping at his place when we started dating he made a huge deal out of cooking me breakfast in bed. I dutifully stayed in bed while he made me scrambled eggs, bacon and toast (all on a hot plate). So he proudly brings me my plate and looks on lovingly, so I dive in.
*mistake*
in his post-coital haste he seasoned the eggs with cinnamon instead of cayanne. He pretended to like them, and ate my share.

6+ years and a marriage later, I still don't let him cook eggs.
 
Last edited:

Maiden-TieJuan

Your roving Californialand reporter
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 5, 2016
I made a cake for a raffle in high school. When I tried to put the icing on, it was too warm still, and half the top layer just.... disintegrated. So I did what any other high schooler would do. I leveled the rest of the cake with icing. Basically 90% of the right side was nothing but Funfetti cake icing. I told my teacher about it and he pity bought it. I got a call a couple days later that the cake gave him a serious case of the green apple splatters to go with this astronomical sugar levels.
 
R

RI 360

Guest
kiwifarms.net
I made a cake for a raffle in high school. When I tried to put the icing on, it was too warm still, and half the top layer just.... disintegrated. So I did what any other high schooler would do. I leveled the rest of the cake with icing. Basically 90% of the right side was nothing but Funfetti cake icing. I told my teacher about it and he pity bought it. I got a call a couple days later that the cake gave him a serious case of the green apple splatters to go with this astronomical sugar levels.
Once I decided to throw a friend an impromptu birthday party and in the recesses of the apartments kitchen cabinets me and another friend found a box of cake mix I later estimated to be around two years old, I didn't really have a proper tin to cook it in but improvised with something else and it nearly baked over the edges but luckily didn't. We cut the top off and were disgusted when it tasted akin to stale lucky charms. There was no frosting so we just kinda covered it with peanutbutter and jelly and I was seriously contemplating just dropping it while we were taking out of the fridge to serve to everyone instead of make our guests endure eating it but then it occurred to me the latter was funnier and by the time we actually served it everyone was drunk enough to think it was the best cake ever to me and the friend who baked its genuine surprise.
 

Maiden-TieJuan

Your roving Californialand reporter
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 5, 2016
Once I decided to throw a friend an impromptu birthday party and in the recesses of the apartments kitchen cabinets me and another friend found a box of cake mix I later estimated to be around two years old, I didn't really have a proper tin to cook it in but improvised with something else and it nearly baked over the edges but luckily didn't. We cut the top off and were disgusted when it tasted akin to stale lucky charms. There was no frosting so we just kinda covered it with peanutbutter and jelly and I was seriously contemplating just dropping it while we were taking out of the fridge to serve to everyone instead of make our guests endure eating it but then it occurred to me the latter was funnier and by the time we actually served it everyone was drunk enough to think it was the best cake ever to me and the friend who baked its genuine surprise.
Lol sounds like a 4/20 cake. My friends and i would get super high in college, and we would pool our leftover cash and go the the local canned food warehouse (the store where they have all those weird, just about expired, off brand knock offs that taste like licking a skunks ass) and grab a box of cake or brownie mix. Being college students we would get home and realize that we didn't have all the needed ingredients, so in our high-as-fucknuggets state we decided to swap out stuff we had with what we were missing. You know... no eggs? Add in applesauce! No milk? Add water to powdered creamer! Sugar? How many packets of sweet n low and equal can we find? No corn syrup? Blackberry jam!!! Kind of a horror show, but we were high and had major munchies, so it didn't matter really. I don't remember anything we made tasting too awfully bad, but we WERE high.

College was a joyous mix of horror and fun, mixed with copious amount of booze, pot, and homework. Man, I miss those days...,
 

LagoonaBlue

Harriet Louise Connor (No bully; have Autism)
Person of Interest
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 22, 2015
When I was about 13 or 14 myself and my aunt decided to make pizza. We had this great idea to make a pizza with candy on it. We ended up using pre-made pizza bases and slathering them with peanut butter before putting down a layer of cheddar and using peanut M&Ms and marshmallows as the topping.

It didn't taste that bad but looking back on it, I can't help but wonder what the hell I was thinking.