What weird shitting stories do you all have? - Everyone shits, but some shits are bigger than others.

[Akpofure]

Popped on here after rewatching the most recent stream by @Null and found that this QnA board was a thing, and that people were meming it. So, I figured I’d ask you all to share your stories with a simple prompt:

What was the biggest, most painful, most satisfying or craziest shit/bathroom story you’ve ever had? What food poisoning story trumps the rest?

Asking for personal or passed down stories here, no copypastas please.

 

[porque no los bolth]

Chantal has entered the chat

Nah, I don't have one personally but I used to work at a gas station and one time a guy came in and completely blew up the mens room. You could smell it from the walk-in,
WITH the door closed.

 

[Samson Pumpkin Jr.]

i had a childhood friend who was really fat. went to his house every so often and I always wondered why there was a screwdriver on top of his toilet. The toilet was also in a weird place too; it was in the basement. One day I asked him why the screwdriver was there and he said "my shits are so big they clog up the toilet so I use the screwdriver to mash it up."

 

[Mr. Skeltal]

I didn't shit for about 4 days during basic training. When I broke the seal it was the single best shit I ever had. After 2 minutes of continuous defecation the weight of this turbo turd started pulling the rest of it out of my intestines, no strain needed. Needless to say that a high fiber diet was needed for this fecal feat. I stepped off the can several pounds lighter and looked at my porcelain throne, now wreathed with several pounds of shit. I worried for a bit about the sizable scat in the bowl but remembered that Uncle Sam would have anticipated this eventuality and I flushed the toilet. It almost clogged on the girth of the coprolite it was trying to delete but it valiantly defeated my monstrous coil with nary a shitstain left to record the presence of such a magnanimously massive manure pile.

 

[Akpofure]

i had a childhood friend who was really fat. went to his house every so often and I always wondered why there was a screwdriver on top of his toilet. The toilet was also in a weird place too; it was in the basement. One day I asked him why the screwdriver was there and he said "my shits are so big they clog up the toilet so I use the screwdriver to mash it up."

Mom found the shit screwdriver

 

[Islamic Creampie]

None myself really. I had a coworker that used to be a fat fuck. He'd only shit once a week and they were so compacted he used to use a spoon to break it up before it could be flushed. He once told me about him and his old man visiting his uncle, where he took a shit so massive they were forced to take the toilet off the floor to get at the pipes because they were clogged so bad. They had even tried to use a pipe snake first but it couldn't handle the job.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

i had a childhood friend who was really fat. went to his house every so often and I always wondered why there was a screwdriver on top of his toilet. The toilet was also in a weird place too; it was in the basement. One day I asked him why the screwdriver was there and he said "my shits are so big they clog up the toilet so I use the screwdriver to mash it up."

They sell actual poop knives now, no need to be ghetto