What will happen when Amber dies? - It‘s like the Barb Thread but with Amber

What will become of CadaverLynn?

  • Cremation, local zoo incinerator

    Votes: 139 33.0%
  • Burial, piano box

    Votes: 75 17.8%
  • Science, largest-ever donation to Body Farm

    Votes: 75 17.8%
  • Controlled explosion of her carcass on the shores of Toxic Shock Lake

    Votes: 132 31.4%

  • Total voters


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True & Honest Fan
Still wondering if AL or Ashley Issacs will go first... :thinking:

If she dies at the Kentucky LGBTQ House of Unspeakable Autism, the roommates will have quite a mess on their hands. An ambulance will have to come and transport the body to a hospital where she will have to be pronounced dead. I doubt any of her organs would actually be in any condition to donate so not even in death will she be useful to humanity.

Police will have to do a cursory investigation to make sure there was no foul play because of her age but then they’ll see her size and likely take pictures to show around the cop shop. (Cops are sick fucks. A friend’s sister was a cop and showed a picture of a decomposing corpse of someone around Ambers size at the dinner table one holiday.)

Depending on how long between death and discovery, there may be a lot to clean up...

Becky will hopefully have access to her YouTube money otherwise big AL is probably going to be buried as an indigent person in a Potters Field type deal.

And Becky will have yet another dead girlfriend/relative story that she so loves to tell.

Do threads of deceased cows get locked on the farms? Julie Terryberry’s thread is locked Iirc.

Eric will probably vlog the funeral because he knows that video will get hella views and will likely be the most interesting thing he ever films.

Dog Prom 3D

I made it rain shrimp! What'd *you* ever do?
True & Honest Fan
We all know it will be gross and a complete clusterfuck when Amber dies. It's always a messy thing when someone who weighs this much dies. If they cremate her they're gonna have to cut her up to get her into the chute to reduce her to ashes. If they bury here she's gonna need one hell of a casket and a huge plot. If she dies alone it's gonna be like when coastal towns blow up dead whales that wash ashore. There is no way to die with anything approaching dignity when you are a landcow and it's even harder to approach the situation with grace or frugality.

The thing is, who takes "custody" of the situation. Generally when a woman dies and she is unmarried, her parents or siblings will handle her funeral arrangements. Amberlynn's not that close to her family and I don't think her parents. her siblings or even Aunt Tammy are in a position to pay for even the cheapest funeral. So does that mean Becky, Rickie and Eric will be forced to pay for disposal of her carcass? Can they just have the city come remove the body and then leave it at that, like making the state pay for her to be buried in a Potter's Field sort of place? Will the city come and seize all her notebooks, chokers and stickers in an attempt to offset the costs of dealing with her? Will she end up in a mortuary fridge until someone comes to collect her?

She really needs to get her affairs in order along with some burial insurance but she won't even get health insurance so this is another reason Rickie needs to do what is necessary to get her out of that house. Her dying will be a complete mess for all three of them. But for us it will be a hilarious voyage, seeing Amber off into the sweet hereafter. Their clusterfuck will be our dairy for a couple of weeks and then we'll have to focus on Chantal's decline, and when she kicks off there will be another. It's the USA. There will always be another deluded, uneducated, super-fat asshole to observe and mock.


Thin privilege is real y’all
True & Honest Fan
  • Amber probably doesn’t have a will so things may be split up between Eric, Rickie, Becky, and Amber’s family that wants to mooch
  • Someone will discover massive debt from uncontrollable spending habits
  • Becky will have a new death to remember (along with all her other family deaths)
  • At the moment of death, there will need to be a team of medics to get her out of the house (may involve a lot of damage, and a few broken walls)
  • Twinkie, Rarity, and Wasabi will finally be free (possibly taken into custody of either Eric or Becky)
  • The smell will only be worse
  • Tacky jewelry, journals, and wax melts will all be thrown out and someone may have the joy (or disgust) of going through all of Amber’s things
  • House will become abandoned (forever haunted by the Binge Monster) as now nobody can afford to live in the house (unless Becky and Eric get actual jobs)
  • That bedspread will hopefully be burned
  • Amber’s dirty bra will finally get the rest it deserves
  • Cheesecake Factory will have much less business