What will happen when Amber dies? - It‘s like the Barb Thread but with Amber

What will become of CadaverLynn?

  • Cremation, local zoo incinerator

    Votes: 54 31.2%
  • Burial, piano box

    Votes: 29 16.8%
  • Science, largest-ever donation to Body Farm

    Votes: 28 16.2%
  • Controlled explosion of her carcass on the shores of Toxic Shock Lake

    Votes: 62 35.8%

  • Total voters


The funeral will be expensive. Even moving her corpse to the hospital and funeral home would cost quite a bit as she will require special equipment and crew. An extra large casket/coffin costs extra. She would probably have to be cremated in a furnace designed for large animals, like horses and so on. Hauling her quarter ton body around alone will be really expensive. It's cheaper to get weight loss surgery and therapy and then die as a normal sized person.


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True & Honest Fan
difficult cremation process for a deathfats, b
There’s a cremation method that involves dissolving the body in water and lye (I think). It’s called Alkaline Hydrolysis. It’s a much greener way to cremate people. It’s sort of what they did in Breaking Bad to get rid of the bodies of the rival drug dealers. That Ask a Mortician lady brought it up on YouTube in her video about funerals for the
Morbidly obese. I’m thinking that’s the best way to dispose of Big AL.

Amber’s cremains, if disposed of in this method and say she died around the same weight she is now, would weigh about 10 el bees!

The end result is a quantity of green-brown tinted liquid (containing amino acids, peptides, sugars and salts) and soft, porous white bone remains (calcium phosphate) easily crushed in the hand (although a cremulator is more commonly used) to form a white-colored dust. The "ash" can then be returned to the next of kin of the deceased. The liquid is disposed of either through the sanitary sewer system, or through some other method, including use in a garden or green space. To dispose of 1,000 pounds (450 kg), approximately 60–240 US gallons (230–910 l; 50–200 imp gal) of water are used, resulting in 120–300 US gallons (450–1,140 l; 100–250 imp gal) of effluent, which carries a dried weight of 20 pounds (9.1 kg) (approximately 2% of original weight).

Edit: Lidderully just ninja’d. Watch the video @Imposter just posted for more morbid fun!
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geh odahviing, hin koraav ahst zu'u ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
first of all, no one would be surprised. the boys will throw a party in her name and go on with their lives.
Becks will bring out all the tea
i dont think anyone would be devastated except her family.

The ones that have to cremate, bury her will ask for a higher pay because burying her would take a whole day
  • Optimistic
Reactions: Fascist Ferret


And moth-like stars were flickereen out,
True & Honest Fan
If she died in that house things would not go on as normal because the only income would be from Rickie's chicken factory job, and although he deserves respect for working it, he probably doesn't earn much. Eric "can't" work because of his "disability" (although, he hasn't worked for ten years after high school and is too much of a sped to go to college/uni, so he is unemployable even if you discount his fraudulent disability). So, to remain in the house Becky would have to get a job. Her employment prospects are great, just imagine her cover letter:

"I quit my last job to spend more time colouring in. I was 27 at the time. My income after that came from a super morbidly obese narcissist who paid my rent and board in exchange for being driven to food outlets. I'm ready to rejoin the work force now because she died of complications from untreated diabetes which she claimed not to have. Also, I won't take any job where I can't wear a child's hat, indoors, backwards, at night. Hope to hear from you."
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I've got more demons where that came from.
True & Honest Fan
Becky would use this as a way to get SSDI and look for a new fatty to kill with her "kindness"
Eric and Becky would team up and make YT videos leaching off AL's death for a bit for sympathy clicks and tea.
Ambers redneck "family" would be fighting over what little scraps she had after the funeral costs
Eric and Rickie would have a yard sale
The landlord would most likely kick them out since the first responders would need to damage the walls to get her out.


Guards! To the Mathmos with this winged fruitcake.
True & Honest Fan
Unless she marries Becky, her parents are the next of kin and are responsible, whether they like it or not. We know Amber hasn’t made any plans or a will or anything, so it all defaults to state law, which puts them in charge.

But with Amber, since she’s lived her life online, my guess would be Becky and the Gays would do a Gofuckme to raise burial costs. Anything over actual charges, they’d keep. Mom will inherit a bunch of cheap, celebrity branded perfumes, chokers and clothing they can use as sheets.

I know Amber doesn’t think she’s near death and she probably isn’t. She’s a lot closer than we are though, so she should make a plan. If she can write down where she wants to walk in place in elaborate detail, she can figure this out.


How much time does Amber have, realistically? I know we all like to joke about her death and her becoming bedbound (which is in the near future) but we know next to nothing about her actual health aside from obesity, beetus discolouration and the never-healing wounds, and our own speculation based on her youtube videos and common health issues from obesity. It could be years, I'm guessing closer to 40. She is sort of a fat miracle, I feel like she will keep us waiting on bated breath for the day she keels over and ends up in the hospital due to heart failure.


When Amber passes on to the great all you can eat buffet in the sky, her multitude of journals will be made public. The world will get to read the most bestest stories and poetry ever written. Amber will be heralded as a genius and children will learn about her around the globe. "A monster truck in the nightlife" will be as quoted as "Call me Ishmael" "It was the best of times it was the worst of times" and "To be or not to be"