Lovequest What would Chris be willing to accept in a sweetheart now? -

[SOINCHU]

We all know the old standard requirements from the Attraction Signs (Younger than him, high income, non-smoker, white, in better shape than him etc). Now we're much much further down the rabbit hole that is Chris's life, we've entered Tomgirlville.

Would Chris date a smoker if she was attractive enough? Would he accept black women? Another Autist like himself? How about an older woman who plays HexBox? I'm sure with the inducement of China he'd be willing to lower some of his old standards these days. Thoughts?

Edit: We all know he'd take anything (in actuality) and will never actually get anything sweetheart wise. However, what would he be willing to say he's ok with now that he wasn't 5 years ago(If pressed on the issue)? What would be on an attraction sign today if he still used em?

 

[Gorse]

I think his standards may have gotten higher now that he thinks he's a badass.

 

[nad7155]

Going by his past, anyone that would have him. Except niggos.

Not to be mean, but "The Wallflower" looked a bit "special" herself, yet Chris would have dove into her if she abided.

Same for the "hambeast".

 

[wheat pasta]

I believe it was Marvin who stated that Chris' attraction standards were an ideal but honestly not a necessity. The poster above me was so helpful as to cite previous incidents where this was indeed the case. CWC can blab all he wants about about how his partner MUST have C-cup or greater breasts and so on, but at the end of the day he'll take pretty much anything* that's white, female and has a pulse.
So.. nothing's changed.

*but no autists.

 

[AdJack]

WANT WHITE LESBIAN WOMAN

NO HAGGLE

 

[Shiala]

Whoever looks at him is probably a potential sweetheart.

 

[Le Bateleur]

I think Chris would probably find himself falling for any woman who would meet up with him in real life and listen to his chattering for a significant length of time, and occasionally say something back.

 

[WonkeyDong]

REQUESTING LESBIAN WHITE WOMAN WHO DOES NOT MIND MY PENIS
FUCK AFTER 3RD DATE

 

[SOINCHU]

I wonder what he'd admit to being able to accept now? Or would he still blurt out the same old requirements? I just wish he'd get entangled with a HexBox player and suddenly 180 and praise the console if given any hint of China. That'd be a sight. Not far fetched either as I think we'll soon see him turn on Sonic the Hedgehog.

 

[SnergenFlergen]

Though Chris would never admit this, they'd have to:

1. Be a White straight/bi/lesbian female who fits the physical criteria that the media has told him is ideal
2. Not be autistic or mentally challenged in any way whatsoever, regardless of how hypocritical this is
3. Live close to him, or be willing to relocate to be close to him at a moment's notice regardless of inconvenience
4. Be willing to have sex with him and mother his children almost immediately (on the 3rd date if not sooner, given his recent 'sex positive' leanings), and essentially raise said child as a single mother
5. Be OK with naming their child something as dreadful as 'Crystal'
6. Want to have his disgusting genitals inside of them on a regular basis
7. Be willing to 'trib' with him regularly in spite of what a monstrous proposal that is
8. Be into fat, autistic, ugly cross-dressing guys who smell
9. Be into racist and homophobic guys who have no ambition, no discernable skills, no job, no intention of getting a job and who live at home with mommy on welfare
10. Be willing to be the sole breadwinner in the relationship
11. Be willing to do literally everything administrative for him, including (but not limited to) sorting out bill payments, mortgages, house hunting, accounting, probably sorting out his tugboat and bailing him out of jail every few weeks
12. Be willing to look after him maternally when his actual mother kicks the bucket
13. Be willing to put up with his odd behaviour and odd fixations (Sanic's arms, legos etc).
14. Be someone who doesn't mind CWC's legendary e-infamy and all the trolling/weening that comes par for the course
15. Be willing to overlook CWC's extreme paranoia, fear of change and newly-found aggressive tendencies
16. Be OK with knowing that as soon as they cease to be useful to him, they become as disposable and interchangeable as a toothbrush
17. Accept being dox'd and put on the receiving end of a campaign of vitriol and baseless accusations should you decide to end the relationship for legitimate reasons

So basically no one on this planet or any other.

 

[CaptainDong]

After this descent even farther into madness, I'd really like to see if his 'requirements' got even more outlandish...

 

[SOINCHU]

After this descent even farther into madness, I'd really like to see if his 'requirements' got even more outlandish...

MUST HATE THE BLUE ARMED BANDIT. ITS A DAMNED TRUE AND HONEST REQUIREMENT. UGG!!!!

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Have a pulse, brother

 

[SOINCHU]

Have a pulse, brother

Much as I hate to disagree with The Hulkster, I think he's perfectly willing to shoot down some sweethearts who don't meet his criteria. I mean look at the big deal he made about the sex worker he visited who "had done the weed". Sure he went ahead and "did the do" (as he'd say) but he sure did still complain about it a lot even though China was right in his grasp. I'm sure if he wasn't paying and China wasn't guaranteed he'd turn down a woman who said Sonic Boom is her favorite show.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

There's what he wants and what he'll take. He'll take anything. Like anything.

 

[captkrisma]

He is looking for another lesbian, but he won't think twice to plunge his '7 inch ugly growth' into some strange.

YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS!

 

[Tenacious D]

Would Chris date a smoker if she was attractive enough?

Chris would "date" anything with a pulse and a pudendum. Unfortunately, with his skunk-like odour, even that's aiming too high. In the absence of a deaf, blind, retarded women with no sense of smell, Chris will remain dateless for the foreseeable.

 

[SOINCHU]

Unfortunately, with his skunk-like odour,

Does he really smell that bad? I may have missed the descriptions of his stank in "encounter documentations".

Also I guess I may amend the first post, but we all know Chris won't ever get a "true sweetheart from the ground up", my curiosity is more with what he'd be willing to cop to "being ok with him" now.

 

[Mogambo]

Does he really smell that bad? I may have missed the descriptions of his stank in "encounter documentations".

I believe the description was something along the lines of rotten watermelon. Its possible that his body odor is due more to diabetes than poor hygiene though, especially given what we know about his diet and life style

 

[CatParty]

Literally anything