What would constitute as an actual apology? -

[A Witty Name]

As we all know, Chris will only apologize if he thinks he can get something in return. The CWCki being taken down, his pity friends coming back to him, Bob coming back to life, etc.

But if Chris really was sorry for something, which he usually isn't but pretend that he is, what would an actual apology look like? What would have to go in it? What would make it believable? Most importantly, would it even be possible for Chris to pull this off?

 

[Francis York Morgan]

Something showing that he understands why what he did was wrong would be a good start.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

Itemizing everything he is specifically sorry for, and why he is sorry. This catch-all bullshit ain't gonna fly.

 

[A-Stump]

Death

 

[Kosher Dill]

The only possible apology would be lived, not written.

 

[tobacky_vapor]

If he were to not just say he was sorry, but also ask what he can do to actually earn their forgiveness, then actually makes step-by-step in improving it, then that would be an actual apology. Nobody gives a shit whether he's really sorry not they just want to see in actual improvement within him.

 

[Coldgrip]

Death

Or in lieu of that, burning down his house.

 

[Judge Holden]

Murder-suicide.

 

[Mourning Dove]

How about self-improvement on his part?

 

[Bridechu]

A new issue of Sonichu that shows Christian attending Naitsirhc's wedding to his same-sex heartsweet and giving his blessing at the reception that they have a long and happy life together with their daughter Crystal.

 

[Stuff and Things]

He would just:
Write a shitty FB post
or Make a shitty apology video
or Make shitty apology LEGO set
or Make a shitty apology LBP level

But it doesn't matter what he would do, he will always: justify his mistakes, blame other person(s) (or things) and ask for something in return...

 

[butt in trouble]

I don't think Chris is even capable of doing that. He'd have to admit he is in the wrong and that's something that from his point of view would be completely impossible. Any time Chris has tried (or faked) an attempt to seem regretful it is usually peppered with reasons why he no choice other than to react the way he did.
He HAD to draw the Megan pron because he might have raped her if he didn't.
He HAD to make fun of 9/11 to show how weak Clyde Cash was.
He HAD to try and trick Kacey into having sex with him because Liquid was pretending to be him.
He HAD to scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO in the mall because his heart was shattered to 15%.
He HAD to threaten poor Alec because Alec set him on fire. HE SET HIM ON FIRE!
He HAD to vandalize the XBone display stand because he was feeling like shit that day.

His whole "I didn't do anything wrong but I'm sorry because you're mad at me" act doesn't cut it. He will NEVER make a sincere apology and I bet anytime soon he will retract his current "forgiveness blessing" of Megan.

 

[_blank_]

A few years back when I was working in a collections department, I learned two things. One was working in a collections department sucks like hell and is the quickest way to legally ruin your life and self-worth.

The second, was how to properly make an apology. It comes it three parts:
1) You apologize either verbally or in written form - something you can't say didn't happen.
2) You admit responsibility on your part.
3) You make amends for what you have wronged.

The first two Chris has done. Poorly, but he has accomplished this. Those are the easy parts. For his apologies to mean anything, he's going to have to do what his "twolls" have been telling him to do for years. He needs to get his life in order. He has to stop hiding behind his aging, sickly mother and speaking through LEGOs. If he wants to make amends for his bullshit, he's going to have to stop waving his past failings like a war injury, get over Megan, Mimms, Walsh, and Snyder, get a job - an actual job, not just dick around for a few weeks - and stop expecting life to be a constant handout.

Unfortunately, I doubt he will do any of this. The only thing Chris has proven reliable on is to take the laziest way out of everything. I'm certain if he gets a single asspat from his apology, he will decide that reflects on everyone else and continue on his merry, slothful way.

 

[The Dude]

Rat poison and seppuku with a rusty spoon.

 

[LM 697]

Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you. Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you.

Megan, I'm sorry for hurting you.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

I don't think an apology would do anything at this point. Chris has pretty much convinced himself that he's a professional martyr and the mean, gay trolls are out to ruin his life and get him off the straight path because Lucas and Mimms posted his photo on the internet. Chris will never change, even if he does realize the error of his ways, which he never will.

He's not going to get off the tugboat, get a job, get a therapist, get his own apartment, learn how to socialize appropriately and start going to the gym - although he badly needs to do all those things.

 

[Da Pickle Monsta]

He'd have to do everything differently. He'd have to give Snyder his court money without bitching about it on Facebook. He'd have to thank Rob Bell for getting his felony lowered to a misdemeanor. He'd have to never mention Megan, Mimms, or Mary Lee Walsh in public ever again. He'd need to tithe and repent to his church. He'd have to stop making excuses and actually get rid of the shecameforcwc picture--keeping it as cut-up squares isn't enough.

In short, actually apologizing is too much work.

 

[CatParty]

Actually meaning it.

 

[Kamen Rider Black RX]

Internalize what he did wrong and actually learn from his mistakes.

When Judge Holden shits on clouds.

 

[Mr. 0]

Forgiving people for their wrongs against him.