What's the best (or worst) excuse you've given for skipping work? - What's the best that you've heard?

oldTireWater

Incompetent as fuck
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 16, 2017
Not me, but a buddy called in late because he shit the bed. Another time he called in late because his girlfriend shit the bed. Both are more plausible than the multiple times he's called in for frozen pipes. He does not have his shit together figuratively or literally.
 

Margo Martindale

꧁꧂ꦙꦎ꧄꧌꧍꧍꧍ꦾ꧀꧁꧂ꦙꦎ꧄꧌꧍꧍꧍ꦾ꧀꧁꧂ꦙꦎ꧄꧌꧍꧍꧍ꦾ꧀꧁꧂ꦙꦎ꧄꧌꧍꧍꧍ꦾ꧀꧁꧂ꦙꦎ꧄꧌
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 6, 2020
"Im mtf trans and im on my period and refusing to give me the day off is a hate crime"

Ive never tried it but I think it would work.
 

MerriedxReldnahc

Hammer Whore-er
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 10, 2013
The worst will still always be the no-call no-show.

The guy doesn't even have the decency to tell you he won't be there.

I accidently no-call no show-ed on my very first day of my current job because the wording on an email was confusing. That excuse boiled down to "Oh I thought you meant everyone BESIDES me should come in!". *yawn* I felt terrible about it because that exact same day my mom had to come into her job on her day off to write up someone for doing the same shit. I must not have made that bad an impression because I'm getting promoted to manager this week.
 

ColtWalker1847

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 20, 2017
I accidently no-call no show-ed on my very first day of my current job because the wording on an email was confusing. That excuse boiled down to "Oh I thought you meant everyone BESIDES me should come in!". *yawn* I felt terrible about it because that exact same day my mom had to come into her job on her day off to write up someone for doing the same shit. I must not have made that bad an impression because I'm getting promoted to manager this week.
I've had a bunch of those miscommunications over the years.

I get some phone call at 9AM on my day off while I'm drinking coffee and reading the news. "Where you at?" "Uh, I'm at home." "You were supposed to be in here at 8." "Oh really. First I heard of it. I'll be there at 10."

If they get pissy I've said "would you rather I showed up at Noon? 'cause i'm not obligated to rush out the door with no breakfast, packed lunch, or shower because of your screwup.". If you don't like this speed you are gonna hate the other one kinda deal.

I just require all unscheduled call-ins to be sent by text message now. I want proof to CYA.
 

Kenya Jones

Hard-R Gamer
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 9, 2018
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WhoTheFuckIsZeroTwo

Google "Ghislaine Maxwell trial."
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
My go-to shitty excuse is that I have a wake/funeral I need to attend. People don't ask questions after that.
I feel like it's bad juju to keep using it, but I don't know a better excuse that people won't pry about.
 

Bass

Grandmaster of the Autistic Illuminati
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 27, 2016
"I won't be in today"
"Why?"
"Because fuck it is why"
*Click*

I'm not sure if that's the best I've ever used or the worst, but it's up there on the list for both
 

Utilitarian Clit Dick

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Used to work night shifts. Called in at 2am saying I had food poisoning from making salmon sashimi with discount fish.

Reality: I was in bed getting drunk with a Chinese girl.

Worth it, fuck that place.