What's the most illegal thing you've done? -

Penis Drager

Pronouns: Fee/Fi/Fo/Fum
I can neither confirm nor deny involvement in an arson that resulted in the destruction of a local park's public bathroom.
On a similar note: I plead the 5th on breaking into an elementary school and stealing hundreds of dollars from said school's fundraiser or the check fraud that followed. Even if that were the case, I absolutely cannot verify complicity in easily a few hundred dollars worth of damage enacted in the process of this supposed theft.
Leave me alone!


Continuing the Irish tradition of alcoholism
This is a tough one to talk about, but I need to get it off my chest.....

One night, when I was really drunk and walking home from the bar, I stopped at a gas station for some food.

After I payed, I was awaiting said food, when I saw it, a cup of Oreo pudding.

That’s when I did it, I committed my one and only theft, I slipped that cup of pudding into my pocket and walked out without paying.

I hope one day to be forgiven, and to never return the days of being the “pudding bandit.”

Mary the Goldsmith

When I was 13 I forgot to do my homework, so I stole the nerd girl's homework, erased her name wrote in mine and turned it in, I knew she wouldn't get in trouble because she was that one girl who always gets the highest grades and always does her homework, so the teacher would believe her when she said that someone had stolen it.

Jeff Boomhauer

When I was in the third grade, we had a test to write out all of the US capitals on a blank US map. You had three chances to pass. Everyone that passed the first time got extra recess while those that didn't had to spend their time studying.

Shortly after taking it the first time, I walked by my teacher's desk to sharpen my pencil, only to discover that she left my test on top in her "To Be Graded" file. I noticed I forgot fucking Providence, Rhode Island, and quickly snatched the paper away and wrote it down.

A few of the other boys saw me do it, but they didn't rat me out. They just looked at me with looks of disappointment. I ended up passing and got that extra recess.

The Last Stand

I don't want to sound racist, but...
True & Honest Fan
Since I live in California, everything I do is a crime. They just haven't gotten around to passing the specific laws yet. As I believe my namesake once said, "Show me the man and I will show you the crime."
You're old and White. That's multiple crimes in and of itself.

Go on websites and lie about my birthday.