What's the most lolcow-tier religion? - and why is it Mormonism?

[betterbullocks]

Please, refrain from insults. This is a very serious discussion for very serious intellectuals on the internet.

 

[YourMommasBackstory]

It's always funny to me when western lolcow turns muslim

 

[Arcturus]

Atheism. For a non-religion, they sure do love talking about it in groups and shoving it down everyone's throats.

 

[ScamL Likely]

Whatever Bob Hickman's "God entered into my body like a body the same size like me floating into you or you floating into me, it's the acts 2:38 holy ghost baptism" religion is.

 

[betterbullocks]

Whatever Bob Hickman's "God entered into my body like a body the same size like me floating into you or you floating into me, it's the acts 2:38 holy ghost baptism" religion is.

This is news to me
Wonderful, glorious news.

 

[ScamL Likely]

There's also Ted Jesus Christ God, if you're looking for something similar.

 

[Rand /pol/]

Christianity. Imagine worshipping a dead jew on a stick.
Edit: let me expand on my point further. The "Virgin" Mary conceived Jesus with God, while being married to Joseph the Saint. This means God quite literally cucked Joseph when he conceived Jesus, making Jesus a product of cuckoldry. Christians literally worship cuckoldry.

 

[Seregios (Att. at Law)]

In no order , with all do Respect of course
Radical Islam
Ultra Orthodox Judaism
Evangelicalism
Atheism
Self hating anything
LDS/FLDS
Jehovahs witness
Satanic

 

[Syaoran Li]

Euphoric Atheists are the worst by far, with the second-worst being a tie between Satanists and extremist Muslims.

Third worst is a tie between Evangelical fundies and SJW Wiccans.

 

[crocodilian]

Anything Abrahamic, but especially Christcucks.

You have not begun to appreciate the real depth of our guilt. We are intruders. We are disturbers. We are subverters. We have taken your natural world, your ideals, your destiny, and played havoc with them. We have been at the bottom of not merely the latest Great War but of nearly all your wars, not only of the Russian but of nearly every other major revolution in your history. We have brought discord and confusion and frustration into your personal and public life. We are still doing it. No one can tell how long, we shall go on doing it.

Look back a little and see what has happened. Nineteen hundred years ago you were an innocent, care-free pagan race. You worshipped countless Gods and Goddesses, the spirits of the air, of the running streams and of the woodland. You took unblushing pride in the glory of your naked bodies. You carved images of your gods and of the tantalizing human figure. You delighted in the combats of the field, the arena and the battle-ground. War and slavery were fixed institutions in your systems. Disporting yourselves on the hillsides and in the valleys of the great outdoors, you took to speculating on the wonder and mystery of life and laid the foundations of natural science and philosophy. Yours was a noble, sensual culture, unirked by the prickings of the social conscience or by any sentimental questionings about human equality. Who knows what great and glorious destiny might have been yours if we had left you alone.

But we did not leave you alone. We took you in hand and pulled down the beautiful and generous structure you had reared, and changed the whole course of your history. We conquered you as no empire of yours ever subjugated Africa or Asia. And we did it all without bullets, without blood or turmoil, without force of any kind. We did it solely by the irresistible might of our spirit, with ideas, with propaganda.

We made you the willing and unconscious bearers of our mission to the whole world, to the barbarous races of the world, to the countless unborn generations. Without fully understanding what we were doing to you, you became the agents at large of our racial tradition, carrying our gospel to unexplored ends of the earth.

Our tribal customs have become the core of your moral code. Our tribal laws have furnished the basic groundwork of all your august constitutions and legal systems. Our legends and our folk-tales are the sacred lore which you croon to your infants. Our poets have filled your hymnals and your prayer-books. Our national history has become an indispensable part of the learning of your pastors and priests and scholars. Our Kings, our statesmen, our prophets, our warriors are your heroes. Our ancient little country is your Holy Land. Our national literature is your Holy Bible. What our people thought and taught has become inextricable woven into your very speech and tradition, until no one among you can be called educated who is not familiar with our racial heritage.

Jewish artisans and Jewish fishermen are your teachers and your saints, with countless statues carved in their image and innumerable cathedrals raised to their memories. A Jewish maiden is your ideal of motherhood and womanhood. A Jewish rebel-prophet is the central figure in your religious worship. We have pulled down your idols, cast aside your racial inheritance, and substituted for them our God and our traditions. No conquest in history can even remotely compare with this clean sweep of our conquest over you.

 

[BoingoTango]

Christianity. Imagine worshipping a dead jew on a stick.
Edit: let me expand on my point further. The "Virgin" Mary conceived Jesus with God, while being married to Joseph the Saint. This means God quite literally cucked Joseph when he conceived Jesus, making Jesus a product of cuckoldry. Christians literally worship cuckoldry.

That's one of the best I've heard in awhile.

Islam is probably the worst, but one of the most ridiculous had to be the fucking greek pantheon. What crazy fucking shit. You dumb ancients. I hate you.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Hinduism, Judaism, or Catholicism.

Hinduism is a shit-tier pagan religion that just never happened to die out like the other paganisms. It's dumb as hell.

Judaism is what you get when you make a religion full of bullshit rules (must not eat shellfish, must suck the blood off the baby's dick, must not flip light switches on Sunday) and hand it off to a narcissistic group of nerds who then try to lawyer it all until the whole thing becomes a convoluted mess.

Catholicism suffers from being a religion torn between three terrible groups: Leftist liberation theology traitor scumbag pedo-priests, backwards Latin syncretic pseudo-tribals (who worship the same old gods as before, but call them "saints" now), and moderate liberal Yankee Catholics who don't really care about the religion but think that Catholicism is the entirety of Christianity.

 

[Seregios (Att. at Law)]

Christianity. Imagine worshipping a dead jew on a stick.
Edit: let me expand on my point further. The "Virgin" Mary conceived Jesus with God, while being married to Joseph the Saint. This means God quite literally cucked Joseph when he conceived Jesus, making Jesus a product of cuckoldry. Christians literally worship cuckoldry.

 

[Takodachi]

Mormonism.
Whats the difference between them and Scientology in any case? They both believe in some extraterrestrial shit. I woulda said scientology, but thats reaching very low hanging fruit.

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

Christianity. Imagine worshipping a dead jew on a stick.
Edit: let me expand on my point further. The "Virgin" Mary conceived Jesus with God, while being married to Joseph the Saint. This means God quite literally cucked Joseph when he conceived Jesus, making Jesus a product of cuckoldry. Christians literally worship cuckoldry.

Hey, fuck you!
Dead jew on a stick is my favorite food!

 

[Brad Armstrong]

Mormonism.
Whats the difference between them and Scientology in any case? They both believe in some extraterrestrial shit. I woulda said scientology, but thats reaching very low hanging fruit.

Well, Mormonism claims to be rooted in Christianity while Scientology is just about worshiping ayys or some shit.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Mormonism.
Whats the difference between them and Scientology in any case? They both believe in some extraterrestrial shit. I woulda said scientology, but thats reaching very low hanging fruit.

Mormonism's extraterrestrial stuff is confined to that Heaven is a physical planet, created in an age when the idea of space travel was a novelty at best and we didn't even have a full list of planets. It was rooted in the ideas of its time (Jews-in-America, reintrepreting the Trinity, utopian communes, etc. were all common among new movements in the Second Great Awakening) and quickly developed into an actual ethnoreligious group with their own independent state. It has since grown to have more members (by some estimates) than Judaism. Mormonism also accepts all of the Bible, only adding on additional scriptures, and what new it brings to the table is mostly drastic improvements over the shitty source material. It's a legitimate religion that's only scorned because it had the misfortune to be born recently. People would shit on Christianity just as much if it was less than 200 years old.

Scientology, on the other hand, was born in the age of ayyyy lmao, using the previous works of a mediocre science fiction writer as its basis. The cult leader in Scientology was always a blatant opportunist/charlatan instead of having the decency to hide it like most prophets. He started off promoting his bullshit psychology ideas and then just threw that in to his nonsensical belief system that you have to pay to discover. It only grew by feeding off of degenerate Hollywood's obsession with being anything but Christian.

Comparing the role of "extraterrestrial" stuff in both is kind of silly, considering that pretty much every religion refers (at least in a metaphorical sense) to "the Heavens" as where God resides. That doesn't mean Allah is riding a flying saucer.

Mormonism has priests and churches and teaches you how you can ascend to godhood by achieving salvation through the ritual worship of their god, all of which are humans. Scientology teaches that you can talk to aliens if you pay them a hundred grand and have an auditor measure your "thetan count." Mormonism goes out of its way to spread its One True Faith. Scientology seeks out the rich and famous specifically so it can try to bleed them dry.

Scientology has fucking aliens.

 

[The Shadow]

Of organized religions, Wicca and related neopagan movements are probably the ones that breed the most lulzy low-level cows you might meet day-to-day.

But I'd say every religious group has some silly beliefs/rituals and silly, overserious fanatics.

 

[mr.moon1488]

Well, Mormonism claims to be rooted in Christianity while Scientology is just about worshiping ayys or some shit.

Scientology was started by L. Ron Hubbard mainly to promote his stupid scifi books.

 

[Leblanc]

unironically aethism