What's the worst cockblocking you've ever recieved? - Female versions too: Let's tell legendary tales of being denied sex at the last goddamn moment.

  • Registration closed, comedy forum, Internet drama, Sneed, etc.

The Un-Clit

After the Dimensional Merge, pussy eats YOU!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
So we've all been there, everything is right and you KNOW you're gonna score tonight. It may even be your first time ever and you finally gonna tear up your v-card but then........COCKBLOCK! DENIED! There's no way to describe the emotions that grip you when it happens. So let it all out, fam. we're here for ya! I'll even start.


Here's my cockblocking story. It's bad. It's true, and I think it might be one of the worst cockblockings of all time, and if it wasn't for the fact none of you do or ever will know me IRL I'd never tell this to anyone.

So to set the scene: I'm 25, married, a 1 and 1/2 year old daughter. (the reason I got married.) We are currently renting an apartment on the 3rd floor of a 4 storey building. (This matters.) One weekend, we have a visitor. An old school friend of my wifes who she used to be very close with and talks to whenever she can but hasn't seen for about 5 years. She has a 1 yr old son, and they both come to visit from a good distance away. She is a "plus size" clothing model, which if you know anything about that industry means she's not 'fat' but what would be called 'Rubenesque'. She's actually fucking smoking hot which I did NOT expect. So anyway, the first night she's over we whip up a big fancy dinner with lots of liquor to go along with.

We've put the kids to bed, all 3 of us are well beyond tipsy, and as I am cleaning up the remains of dinner, the two of them go into the bathroom, and some of that typical "2 girls haven't seen each other for ages melodrama fueled by booze" sets in and I hear to the two of them crying a little bit and whispering to each other before they come out. When they come out, they both have a strange expression on their faces. I said something to her friend, can't recall exactly what as they come walking by me, and she reaches out and tweaks my dick, completely out of the blue. Naturally, instant fucking blue-steel hardon. Since I'm half drunk along with them I say something to the point of 'oh dear, now look what you did! Are you gonna make this better now?' And damned if she dosen't come back, GRAB my cock and stroke it through my pants and start french-kissing with me, with my wife's complete lack of anything but watching with a silly grin.

It's at this point I realize that I am about to be living the fantasy of damn near every human male of a threesome with your wife and her hot girlfriend. We start moving to the living room, I push her and my wife together and they start shyly kissing each other, and I am thanking every deity I can remember for my unbelievable luck. I get undressed and sit on the couch while my wife and her old friend are standing infront of me making out and fondling each others boobs more and more passionately. I reach forward and sink the fingers of each hand into a different sopping-wet pussy, red-haired on the left, blonde on the right, and think that life could never possibly get better.

Welp, that it didn't.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!! we freeze, the kind of fever-haze of all 3 of us were in is broken, and we start to pull away. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!! RCMP! (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!!

I could NOT fucking believe it.

I pull my housecoat on and answer the door, sure enough, a male and a female cop. It turns out that we had been a little noisy, and the downstairs neighbors had apparently heard the crying in the bathroom during the drunken discussion that lead to them deciding to have a 3some and mistook it for me beating the shit out of my wife and her hiding in the bathroom crying, and fucking called the cops on us!

So the cops separate us and make sure we tell the same story, which we did of course and it was very obvious that no domestic abuse was going on, just something naughty. We apologized for making so much noise while I honestly wanted to scream at the cops for killing what was certainly going to only come around once in my lifetime but it was far to late by that point anyway. The mood was completely shattered by the time they left, and we all had some last drinks and went to bed. Wife and I to ours, guest to our spare room.

I suppose that if there was a silver lining to this all, it's that it never ended up coming between us that I fucked another woman while married to her (even if she was fucking her as well!) and there was nothing awkward between the 3 of us the next morning either, as there very likely might have been after their little foray into bisexual polyamory had it gone to completion.

But I had and still have jerk-off fuel to this day from the memories, as well as frustration of it all falling apart like that just before it kicked off for real.


As a follow-up, a couple months later the wife and i actually ran into our downstairs neighbors, tried to explain that we had a friend over, and laugh it off and apologize for the noise while the whole time they stood there with big fake smiles clearly not believing a fucking word we were saying, then glaring at me like I was fucking Chris Brown chucking women through furnature all day long. I wonder what the reaction would have been if we told the full truth? lol.

*addendum*
I understand that it's going to be a bit hard to believe, and people may think it's a copypasta or at best i'm writing out a total fantasy, but it's true. I'm not gonna try to convince anyone if they don't believe it, it dosen't really matter to me if you do or don't, but I think I've wanted to get this off my chest for a while now and put it all into words. I know if it happened to someone else I'd feel for em, but still laugh my ass off at the same time, hopefully you will too.

KK, let's see em, peeps!
 
Last edited:

Reshiram Battle.mp3

dragon vore waifu
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 5, 2020
confessed to crush, crush didn't swing that way. sure, fine, not everyone is a pathetic fag.


fast forwards a few weeks later to some sleepover party they hosted. instead of staying on their bed they ended up deciding to sleep right next to me. only realized after waking up in the middle of the night, so i couldn't take in the moment without feeling like a creep because they were still asleep. had to force myself back to sleep because i was excited about it, slept like shit because i couldnt rest. crush didnt say anything about it the following morning. fml
 

NIGGER ASS PEE POOPY RAPE

erect: ╭ᑎ╮ pee: ╰Ụ╯ micropenis: ╰ᶸ╯ ⁞ LONG: Ɛ====Э
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 1, 2020
shoved it in her pussy and was blocked by a tampon, rammed it in her anus and was blocked by a rock hard turd and didn't want to wait for her to unclog either of those holes so had to use her mouth instead. that's the closest an alpha male like myself has ever come to getting cockblocked.
 

PotatoSalad4711

“Oh and I ate meth once hahaha”
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 6, 2019
So, a long time ago (in my early 20’s), I used to hang out with some friends at a guy’s house (we were all mutual friends in the military). We would just drink and watch TV, joke around, sometimes we slept on the couch if we got too drunk to drive. He had a roommate...gorgeous, hot roommate. The type that went hiking on weekends and had big strong arms.

Anyway...one night the friend I was with left early. The roommate kept teasing me and flirting. We were joking about a movie we had just watched and started dueling with pillows in his bedroom (I know it sounds weird...alcohol). At one point, he had me pinned and went in for a kiss...as the guy who owned the house opened the door, stood there fake laughing with a beer in his hand and would not leave despite obvious hints.

I decided to leave after a few minutes because it just got too awkward.

I later learned from friends that the guy who interrupted us had a major crush on me. I’m still mad about this one.
 

Mel Feasance

Going east, to toil.
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 25, 2020
There was this big guy (think Drachenlord) that used to be apart of our friend group, don't know how he ended up with us as none of us particularly enjoyed his company and he rarely ever spoke. Dude was as boring as all fuck.

I was laying the groundwork on this girl one night, and anytime I'd get a moment with her, he'd appear out of thin air and start trying to talk to her about "The Last of Us" because he knew she was a fan of it. It was really obvious to both of us what he was doing, but we didn't really know how to handle it without hurting his feelings.

After several hours of this, I step outside to go piss. I get to the woodline, and just as my stream begins I hear the door close again and leaves crunching behind me. I look over my shoulder and see a silhouette big enough that it can only be him and he's got a stick or something in his hand.

He'd given me no prior reason to believe he was a physical threat before, but I was getting that feeling you only get when something bad is about to happen. And him being his size vs me being 5'9, 170ish and I know I can't let him dictate how this goes.

I asked who it was, even though I knew, I just wanted to hear his voice, maybe I could set my mind at ease if I heard no ill will in his voice, but he didn't say anything, just kept walking. I glance over and I can now see what I thought at the time was an axe, turned out to just be the handle of one.

Now I'm really scared. I turned around and hurled my beer bottle at him as hard as I could. I wasn't even trying to hit him, just let him know I know what's up and it's not gonna be as easy as just walking up behind me and chopping me to shit while I take a piss.

Well it did hit him. Right square on the tip the nose, shattered it, blood everywhere. People start coming out when they hear him moaning, and he tries to say that he had no intention of hurting me and blah blah blah.

This dumb broad believes every word of it. I had already resigned myself to not getting laid as soon as his nose exploded, but for her to believe him was icing on the cake. I started calling him out on the previous 3 hours of cock blockage, and he actually copped to it and started admitting he was madly in love with this girl.

I really think if he'd stopped before the declarations of true love he might have gotten in, cause she was certainly feeling sorry for him.

I was not welcome back in that group until he ended up getting arrested for DLing some serious no-no videos. Still left a bad taste in my mouth that it had to be revealed he was a chomo inorder for my friends to believe I didn't just initiate a violent attack on someone for no reason.
 

RapeMan

Memento Gunti
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
I was at at party and had a chick sitting on my lap, we were kissing and I was rubbing her through her panties. We get up to go find a place when 3 guys block my path. They are half-phillipino half-abo (a volatile mix) brothers and obviously jelly. Words are exchanged, then one punches me in the nose, I'm alone so I decided discretion is the better part of valour. In hindsight I should have gone on the attack immediately and probably would have got 2 bitches that night.
 

The Un-Clit

After the Dimensional Merge, pussy eats YOU!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
I hope this is a copypasta @The Un-Clit, because I don't believe a fucking word of it.

Search for it. It's not a pasta. In the hindsight of the morning sober, I probably shouldn't have written it because yeah I know perfectly well it sounds like male fantasy writing, but it's to late to delete it now.

It's also 100% true. That's why it rankles so hard that even so many years later it's still in my mind whenever I'm feeling bitter. So was hoping to get some interesting stories from others for all to 'enjoy' along the lines of some of the other funner threads on OT/G.

At least #1 I am divorced now and #2 no chance either the ex or the friend in question will ever see it, nor anyone able to identify them from it.
 

A Grey Cat

Meow
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 12, 2019
I cock blocked myself once. Awnsering an add on Craigslist back before sex ads where made illegal in the US, I went to the address and was told to wait down in the front of the building when... Some kids came by and started hanging out with their bikes and a basketball and... I looked at myself and then thought, "am I really gonna do this? Throw away m last Shread of innocence by paying for it?" Anyway the girl came down texted me asking where I was even though I was right there. I wasn't a kid myself anymore by then but I still looked relativley young. She probably thought I was one of them, so I just walked away.

Last thing she texted me was why would you waste my time and yours if your not even gonna show up? I didn't say anything back just went to the park to gather my thoughts and watch the sunset.

Don't regret it a bit
 

Crankenstein

The good doctor.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 13, 2019
Once; as a teenager, a lady friend and I had found ourselves walking away from the school football game we were attending. We had both decided it was too crowded and far too noisy. We found ourselves at the baseball fields up the hill and decided this was not far enough, so we crossed them to the treeline. We came across a nice clearing and decided to have a sit and talk a while. In the midst of your conversation we grew closer to eachother as it was a cold evening, and quite dark too. As we carried on, she got the notion to start grabbing at my crotch, I replied in kind. This continued for a bit with passionate kisses and copious groping. That is, until a small furry creature of some sort took a liking to her jacket and decided it no longer belonged to my lady friend. It ran in and up her sleeve, causing her to jolt and deathgrip my scrotum, causing me to jolt and shift away in pain. She began screaming and flailing and ultimately tried to run, but tripped over me, landing face first on an exposed root, cutting her lip on one of her teeth. Still screaming and flailing, she finally got the jacket off with the creature still in it and calms a bit. She notices me lying there pitifully holding my groin, I weakly ask "Are you okay?" she replies "Yea, how is you junk?" I reply "I think it needs some mouth to mouth" but she said "no".

TL;DR I think a chipmunk cockblocked me.
 
Last edited:

MerriedxReldnahc

#1 Wogglebug Fan
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 10, 2013
So I have this friend that I'll call Papi Chulo because he's a thicc and sexy Mexican hearthrob. He's in a band that travels frequently and lives in another county, so I rarely get to see him but my thoughts were often occupied by his delicious chorizo y huevos. I agonized over asking him out for ages, finally finding the backbone to do so early this year. I was pretty sure things were heating up between us, he's seen my chichis and touched my booty, surely that is a sign of blossoming love and romance, right? Well upon asking him if his weiner was available for the touching, I learned the terrible news that he is married and has three kids. Some lady came along a like decade ago and pussyblocked me preemptively. I wanted that chorizo dammit!
We're actually even better friends now than before so the story still has a happy ending.
 

White bubblegum

Blow me
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 8, 2018
Was making out with a guy in a staircase after class when his mom called him cuz she was there to pick him up
Was making out with my boyfriend in a staircase when a security guard told us to get the fuck out of there
Yes most of my sex stories involve staircases