What's the worst job interview you ever had? - Why do you want to work for us?

Lemmingwise

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If I may ask you something, what if you fake it til you make it. Let's say the position, pay, tasks, responsibilities etc all are peak stuff, right. But you've kinda brown-nosed your way there by implying you're all sort of things that you aren't. Or more importantly that you are the kind of personality that person is looking for not only as a co-worker but a colleague and possible AF-homie.

How do you deal with that then later over the many months or maybe years to come?

That is if the person that's interviewing you is a potential boss/co-worker not some HR nobody you'll barely ever see again.
I once asked my aunt who ran a business a question about this. I asked, what if I have no degree, lied about it, pretended to be good at the job, then instead spend the first year with my nose in the books every evening so that I get good at it while I learn and she never finds out?

And she was looking at me like I was crazy.

"What the fuck do I care if no problems arise?"
----

I don't really lie or brownnose; I put myself at an equal level to them and connect about things that truly are part of myself and my history. Most people aren't really interested enough to discover the precise genuine nature of your interests anyways; they just want to feel like you're kinda like them in some way. I bonded with one guy over both of us disliking cheese once. I think people in general are far too self-involved to really care too much.

And those few people with genuine interest? They only appreciate getting to know you better and discovering if it's a little different than they expected, because then you're a movie/book that keeps on delivering with unexpected twists.

But I've also never worked at the same place for more than 2 years unless it was my own business, so maybe my strategy is not too long-lived?

Added a question btw, to my original post!

I just don't feel that this "buddy buddy" thing in a work place is really appropriate or really, well, real. Like the corporate song you're forced to sign in Japan or the expectations to go to most AF's with your co-workers. It's IMO a way to "lock you in" with the company.

In my field a lot of companies try to attract young people with promises of "openness and inclusivity" , "fun, high energy, team building". They have pictures of them going to like parties together or doing adventures together in their adverts. "Flat organizations" , "no hierarchy" are common buzzwords.

I can just see myself working for facebook or google and criticizing let's say the "dislike removal" button or various algorithmic shenanigans and seeing my career slowly go to shreds because the more I'd push for ideas that go against the corporate narrative the more that fluffy exterior would change and the less smiling faces I'd see and the more corporate lawyers and HR-people I'd have to deal with for being "un-cooperative" or "not falling into corporate culture".

It's openness and inclusivity UNTIL you start moving against the grain.
Which is why I prefer more simple directives/values like "efficiency, loyalty, brand awareness", or even "explorative, innovative" etc. I don't have to pretend and neither do "you". We do what benefits the corporations/organization. That's why we're there.

More and more people I speak to tend to actually think that "corporate values" are real. But I've been arguing that they are just adaptions reflective of what society, regulators, consumers etc want. Unless the company isn't public, those "values" are going to change, and if you don't change with them you're out as easily as you came in.
Yeah, this is why I prefer smaller companies where people actually somewhat resemble people instead of automatons.

Honestly, I've had good colleague relations in most places, but I've never once made a friend at work. There were one or two that thought I was their friend though. Oh wait, now that I think about it, I'm wrong, I made one friend once at work.

In my field a lot of companies try to attract young people with promises of "openness and inclusivity"

Just shoot me now. I can't even see myself applying for such a job.

I did once take over the ad manager role and it was all diversity oriented. I just slowly overtime replaced most of the pictures with white people and that alone seemed to increase sales, but maybe I was fooling myself these things are hard to tell. All of our clients that I had met were white. And you just want to show people themselves in your pictures as closely as possible, you know? You want to make themselves feel; you belong with us.

I also replaced all the white americans with their perfect smiles with white dutch people with our goofy looks as well.

More and more people I speak to tend to actually think that "corporate values" are real. But I've been arguing that they are just adaptions reflective of what society, regulators, consumers etc want. Unless the company isn't public, those "values" are going to change, and if you don't change with them you're out as easily as you came in.

I don't have enough experience to know for sure, but I don't think corporate values are really connected to the everyday work at ground floor.

I suppose it's theoretically possible for a corporation to be really effective in that way, who do the japanese thing where one day a year the executives work at ground floor to identify and solve deeper problems.

But most of the time executives are just playing a very different game than the ground-workers. They may just be trying to up the value of the firm by laying off staff, or trying to temporarily make it appear more valuable by juggling numbers and moving departments around to get a bigger bonus. Their values are often more luxury oriented too. To show off to each other how much integrity they have by making their staff swallow their bullshit. A lot of the consultancy game is actually convincing these kind of people how amazing they actually are while doing their dirty work for them, or at least, so it seems to me as an outside observer.

It reminds me of that metaphor that there are three types of people who work jobs; sociopaths, losers and clueless.

The sociopaths write the rules while not following them, the losers accept the rules while knowing they are bullshit, whereas the clueless actually believe them. I think it's called the gervais principle.
 
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TheTrumanShow

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@Lemmingwise

Can't quote your post, damnit. Maybe it's too big! But yeah, good stuff.

Wish I was a partner or had my own firm. The Gervais Principle is apparently according to the show The Office. So I wouldn't say it's like that in every corporation but that show is "funny because its true" so it's probably far more common than people would like to admit.

I Love what you did in the ad-agency. Of course you could never really point that out, but as long as the figures were good nobody would ask questions either, lol.
 

Atomsk

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I had to do a lot of public speaking sort of stuff back in school which made it so I don't really get nervous about shit for the most part but my first ever interview was the most awkward and uncomfortable one I've ever fucking had and I would not have taken the job if they ended up wanting me. First of all, this was an open-interview type thing at a pet store so there was a line of maybe 5 people and I noticed that motherfuckers were in and out pretty fast, one dude got to the door, opened it then said something and walked away. Another dude entered and left in like a single minute and looked like he was hurrying away.

It was finally my turn and when I opened the door, I could see why people wouldn't even want to fucking bother. The room was really tiny, dimly lit by single small lamp and there were 5 dudes there making it extremely cramped. After walking in, I realized that it was fucking humid in there too even though the rest of the of the store felt absolutely fine. All of these guys looked like clones of V-sauce Michael who made different poor life choices. There was a V-sauce Michael who ate at McDonalds every day, a V-sauce Michael who probably did crystal meth and a V-sauce Michael who decided to shave his whole head and get some weird face-tattoo of a snake, the other 2 I don't remember noticing anything about. I went to shake one of their hands and tell them my name, the dude literally just said "That's alright, you don't need to shake everyone's hand" so I just said alright and sat down. First few questions were pretty basic shit like that I don't remember, all I remember is that I said something about owning a Parakeet that would bite my fingers growing up so I'm not really scared of getting bitten and one of the motherfuckers goes, "Well, we have some animals that bite harder than parakeets" to which I asked "Which ones?" and none of them could answer. These faggots were leaning forward instead of sitting back in their seats too, making the room even more fucking cramped, like there was probably not even half of a meter between these guy's faces and mine and they were all staring at me intensely the entire fucking time with their wide bugmen eyes.

Then they ask me if I ever worked with this one animal shelter that I'm pretty sure is state-exclusive in a very snarky and condescending way. It should have been abundantly obvious that I never have based on multiple factors, 1. it's over an hour away, I know because I got my current dog there 2. It's volunteer-only 3. I'm like 17 at the time and can't drive, I told them this along with the fact that it wouldn't matter much since I'm a 10 minute walk away 4. I don't even think that place allows minors to work with them. Basically, there was no possible way anybody from my area would be doing work with them, let alone a minor so I just answered by saying something like "No, but I got my dog there. I'd love to work with them but they're pretty far away. If there was one closer then I'd definitely be working with them though", I forget their responses but the interview was over after that and I left wondering if all interviews would be that bad. In my experience, the best interviews flow more like a conversation than a by-the-numbers interview but how it was set up totally prevented that from happening and these soy-titted weirdos made it virtually impossible for things not to be awkward, not just with the conditions but their attitude. They were barely responding to anything I said, not even for follow-up inquiries about a thing I just said. It was mostly question-answer, question-answer with intense staring all throughout. Like, if I were a woman then I'd probably be scared they were gonna fucking rape me. This shit experience did have a happy ending though because in the same shopping center, there's a movie theater where I went to see 22 Jump Street which made me feel better right away.
 

Rapechu

If you bore me, I shall take my revenge
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Regarding the Gervais principle, I've known plenty of sociopaths, but I've never met any who didn't end up universally hated by those around them, with their attempts at plotting backfiring hilariously in their faces. Most people aren't stupid, and people who are under-performing, backstabby and manipulative always end up as everyone's public enemy. Like for example, I had a coworker who tried to blame me for a project not being completed. I showed the manager literal hundreds of work files I produced, from staying at the office after-hours. The manager knew I regularly stayed late, the stupid coworker didn't because they always left early. Guess who ended up getting fired.
 

JosephStalin

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Many years ago applied to manage a couple of funeral homes and a cemetery. Had three interviews with Mr. A. We got along well, he kept asking me back.

Time for the fourth, and I thought final interview before a job offer. Show up at the funeral home. There was new management. Mr. A was gone. Mr. B didn't know me from Adam. He started talking about being just a funeral director. I didn't think so.

Needless to say didn't get the job.


Another time interviewed at a company that issues credit cards for a trainer position. Interviewed with two ladies. First one was nice, other one looked at me as if I was evil incarnate. No idea why. Obviously didn't get the job. Place eventually left.

Also interviewed at an office of Cintas, the people who supply work uniforms, rugs, fire extinguishers, etc. The secretary held up a book not unlike Chairman Mao's Little Red Book and asked me if I knew about the Cintas 55-hour work week. Told her no. Took some sort of intelligence test, but had no desire to work at a place that expected 55 hours a week. Didn't get that job, either, didn't care.
 

NeoGAF Lurker

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I once applied to a job as a mover for game tables. Mostly things like pool tables, air hockey, old arcade games, etc. I was a teenager and played football so I hoped it’d build up my strength and it was $10 an hour too, which was rich for my 17 year old ass. The interviewer started off with “Why are you here speaking to me today?” and it went downhill from there. Basically my life’s purpose and philosophy needed to be moving pool tables or else I wasn’t qualified.

These days I interview a couple hundred candidates a year. Thanks to diversity, equity and inclusion, white guys are at the back of the line and I have to interview every nigger, tranny, and faggot before I can get to someone who is qualified. 90% of the time it’s a hellscape of chinks and pajeets who
 

PaleTay

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Aug 25, 2020
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I too have no interest in sport. I played a lot when I was younger and thoroughly enjoyed myself but I have no interest in watching other men play sport, or talking about other men playing sport. Or listening to other men talking about other men playing sport.

On topic: I once tried to join the NSW Police but I failed the interview when I turned up on time, at the correct address.
The thing which makes it painful is that they're idiots. I have to pretend the Vancouver Canucks are a good hockey team, or that Bo Horvat is a superstar. Most of the sports talk is some weird alternate reality that TV man told them.
 

Kahr CW9

"Don't ever bee a gun"
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Nov 13, 2021
It's something that still perplexes me. Interviewing for a position in my field but in an industry I am not familiar with at all. Things are going well, I think, and they should, considering I am me and I am good at what I do. Things started to go downhill, however, after they asked me about some internal software they use that I was absolutely not familiar with at all. That's the perplexing thing- of course I would have 0 experience with an internal tool that isn't publicly available and is used/maintained only by this one company for themselves.

From my perspective, any candidate who had not worked for them previously would have had a similar onboarding to me had I gotten the position, leveraging my general skills in my field while learning their purely internal systems and procedures, as happened with the job I got immediately afterwards. They didn't even have the balls to call me and let me know, I had to call and get rejected.

Now I work in public administration and it's tops.