When Does "That's Just How they are?" stop being used as an excuse? -

[8777BB5]

We've all had that one asshole in our lives that we couldn't stand and when we talked with other people about this person there was at least one person who said something along the lines of "I don't like them either but you have to understand that's just the way they are and you just have to deal with it."

So I'm curious. At what point does THat's Just How they are stop being an excuse and starts being a reason to get the person severely punished for their bad behavior/poor social skills? Does it have to be something big or can it be something small?

 

[Cato]

Depends on whether you believe in free will. If yes, "that's just how they are" is no excuse at all. If no, then it excuses everything (but that isn't to say that there shouldn't be consequences for actions because they could still serve as deterrences...through no free will on the part of those being deterred).

 

[AtrocityVoyeur]

Neuroplasticity is real. People can change their behavior. It may require external supports, from targeted psychotherapy, to drugs (SSRIs or LSD microdosing, a lot of different shit has worked for a lot of different people) even down to the kinds of religious revelations that fedora-wearing atheists disclaim. So "that's how they are" is kind of a shitty excuse. But it is a decent explanation, or mediator, of reasons why it's hard for someone to change. "Shmorky was forced to wear dirty diapers until he turned five years old", that's a mediating explanation for why it's hard for him to change. Not an excuse for his behavior. "Russell Greer was reinforced in his narcissistic behavior by the members of the Mormon Church who pitied him for being disabled" is a mediating explanation, not an excuse. A therapist would be able to take that information and map out a plan of change with it. For us atrocity voyeurs, it's useful information that changes nothing.

 

[carltondanks]

I'd say if they cause harm physically or mentally to another person

 

[Positron]

Roughly the same time they started telling kids they're all special snowflakes?

 

[0 1]

I don't like the implication that comes with that statement which insinuates that a behavior is uncorrectable. Even something that's the result of a disorder is treatable in some way, shape, or form.

It's acceptable as a dismissive sort gesture for behavior that's just moderately annoying, but if it's something that's actively harming somebody mentally, emotionally, or physically, then it becomes a problem that can't be excused with hand-waving.

 

[Wallace]

I don't like the implication that comes with that statement which insinuates that a behavior is uncorrectable. Even something that's the result of a disorder is treatable in some way, shape, or form.

It's acceptable as a dismissive sort gesture for behavior that's just moderately annoying, but if it's something that's actively harming somebody mentally, emotionally, or physically, then it becomes a problem that can't be excused with hand-waving.

Unfortunately, you cannot help people who either do not want to be helped, or don't think they need help. You can't save people from themselves. Best you can do in these situations is to get yourself as far away as possible before they drag you down.

 

[JB 236]

When it causes Mental or physical harm to others. I am not talking about emotional harm here, unless its particularly vicious. I will go into a bit more detail.

I have known some pretty upfront people who would tell you to your face everything they think about you, how you look, how you act and would not even hesitate to take into consideration how the person they are talking to would feel. I do not see a problem with that at all, they could by all means be changed to take into consideration events that might happen after saying that shit, but having no filter and no fear of consequence really is just how they are and its something you should never change. The moment it becomes a problem is when it goes to far and the party being talked to starts to react badly or things take off and get heated.

That moment things take a turn, "just how they are" has gone too far. When violence is about to hit, you emotionally wreck a person (although it might not be the intended outcome) or literally cause a mental problem its definitely too far. At that time, the person needs to be removed from the situation and things need to be cut off at the head.

Its a bit of a weird one, because on the one hand, there are people like the above who I don't think should need to change and "Its just how they are" is perfectly valid, it just has to be dealt with in a particular manner when shit goes tits up. However on the other hand, you have particularly vicious cunts who would fucking slot you, your family and your pets for £1000. With those people, the phrase just goes out the window, It might be how they are, but they are a danger to other people and every situation would be potentially bad. Especially when you add mixers into it, like when people consume drugs and alcohol.

 

[swiv]

I think your question is "to what degree is human behavior mutable". When we punish someone, it's to cause him to correct his behavior, or to make him atone for his past misdeeds. Both of these are unpleasant for the guy we're punishing, but that's incidental. We're punishing him for the sake of the rest of us. Therefore I don't think there's a meaningful distinction to be made between nature and nurture when we're dealing with a shitty person.

 

[Some JERK]

"I don't like them either but you have to understand that's just the way they are ...

Maybe.

...and you just have to deal with it."

Absolutely fucking not.

 

[AnOminous]

So I'm curious. At what point does THat's Just How they are stop being an excuse and starts being a reason to get the person severely punished for their bad behavior/poor social skills? Does it have to be something big or can it be something small?

When it's more fun just to kill them and hack them apart with an axe and throw the pieces in the weeds.