Where are the older lolcows? What happens to cows when they age?

Save Goober

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I've been thinking lately about how you don't see very many older lolcows. Most cows seem to be in the 35 or under range, with a few exceptions. Almost none of them are 45+. That and seeing how rapidly cows like OPL and ADF are heading downhill as time goes on makes me wonder what happens to cows as they age, and why aren't there very many old lolcows to discuss today.

There are a few obvious reasons why this might be:

-Some people might think that cows wisen up or grow out of their cow stage. The Reformed Lolcows thread shows that very few reform, plus it's kind of harder for people to stop behaviors they've been cultivating for the majority of their life. I don't think many cows "grow up" suddenly when they start getting into their 40s. I think that's the general consensus of that thread as well.

-Lolcows are mostly young because of the higher rates of autism in younger generations (though this is disputed) and/or because society has changed in a way that fails to discourage cow behavior like previous generations may have. I think this might have something to do with it but the Historical Lolcows thread shows that there have always been cows.

-Old lolcows just don't use the internet. I wanted to include this, but I think the "old people can't computer" stereotype is less true nowadays. Plus the internet is something of a cow magnet, even Iconoclast somehow managed to find OPL and this forum and he's one of the most technologically incompetent people I've ever come across.

-Lolcows eventually get institutionalized, accidentally kill themselves, or otherwise lose internet access in old age. I have a sinking suspicion this is a big reason why we don't see older lolcows. ADF is a good example of this; right now he's homeless and accesses the internet through a cellphone. How long will it be until he either can't afford the cell phone or ends up in jail for assaulting someone he thinks is following him? Or dies due to the harshness of homeless life? A lot of people think Chris would need some kind of caretaker or be institutionalized after Barb dies, and although that's disputed, he could also either eventually end up in jail if he keeps assaulting people every couple of years, or even kill himself in another Keurig incident. A lot of people think Pixyteri will need a caretaker of some kind after her parents pass, iirc it's a fear of some of her other relatives that they'll have to take care of her. Many cows who live with their parents have lax parents who tolerate their online shenanigans while a government caretaker or wiser relative would cut that shit out. Or, maybe my first bullet point is right and the passing of one's parents is a catalyst that reforms cows after all.

What do you think? Are there some other lolcows that you think will eventually fall into one of the above categories? Or something else?
 

Cassowary

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I think Salamanderkin and other young tumblr lolcows will probably outgrow a lot of their lolcow-y behaviour eventually, mostly because they're young and sooner or later, they will probably realize that a lot of the stuff they've learned from tumblr is bullshit (like multiple systems and fictionkin)

I think lolcows who are in their late twenties-early thirties are a lot less likely to grow out of it, because by that point, they aren't doing ridiculous stuff because they're impressionable and trying to fit into some weird niche, so much as because they're immature and don't have a sense of how to properly react to criticism and etc. I'm guessing that as lolcows like Chris and PT age, we'll find that we have more older lolcows. We probably don't have that many 45+ lolcows currently because at this time, most people at that age aren't into fandoms and other subcultures anymore, unless their field of work is related to those areas. Fewer older people in these sorts of subcultures means a smaller pool of potential lolcows. However, as it's become less taboo for older people to enjoy the things from their youth, we'll probably find that we'll have more older lolcows in the future.
 

Pinball Lizard

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I think it's more that people over 35 don't make the internet the center of their existence starting from an early age, don't participate in fandoms, etc. One of the major lolcow traits is disclosing way too much and getting overly involved in internet drama. That's less likely to happen to people who aren't very heavy users.

And there were already plenty of well known cranks and weirdos on usenet in the 80s and 90s.

I actually find pre-internet lolcows pretty interesting. I made a thread for one, Raksha of the Transformers fandom, who got her start in fanzines. There's also that guy who got Tiny Toon Adventures canceled by stalking Kath Soucie.
 

AnOminous

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And there were already plenty of well known cranks and weirdos on usenet in the 80s and 90s.

Many of whom, incidentally, are dead. Robert McElwaine, weird fringe science guy, died in 2008. Earl Curley, psychic kook, drank himself to death in 1998. Stephen Boursy (a Usenet kook obsessed mainly with Usenet itself) killed himself in 2005, apparently. I know there are some others.
 

Pinball Lizard

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Mind you, there have been fandom-based lolcows for a very long time. George Bernard Shaw reported being harassed by angry Pygmalion fans demanding he rewrite the ending so Higgins got the girl.
 

Gensdupays

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I know a few cows who are in their late 30s, but not much past that. The rub comes with having Internet culture.
 

AnOminous

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I heard about it on these forums. Apparently some furry got Kath Soucie's (she voiced Babs Bunny) contact information and started stalking her, so the show was canceled for her own safety, basically.

The original worst fan of all time. Dennis "quozl" Falk.

You can read more about him here.

quozl.png
 

Bork Laser

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You can break your lolcows into three categories.

1. The young cows. These cows are just starting to emerge and can mostly be found on tumblr for the moment. With them its alot of fandom, gender, and other social justice type things. You may get the rare young cow who is a fundie for a religon like the guy who draws Islamic anime or a few young christians who pop up on youtube. You can also throw in people like homer, people who take GG too seriously and some of the sluthate and wizardchan users.

2. Middle aged cows. These cows are your chris, your mylar, your clem, alog and etc. These are cows who started showing up in the mid-late 2000s. These are your staples. The difference from younger cows is that middle aged cows generally have some sort of weird fetish or unrealistic goal that utterly consumes them. They generally have untreated mental illnesses that were not known or poorly researched when they were children and thus never got the help they needed. You also see the pattern of these types of cows living with their parents much longer then is socially acceptable.

3. Your older lolcows. Now these can be broken down into two types. One groups are the older members of sluthate/wizardchan. These are people who realize they are reaching their later years and have nothing to show for it. This is the online mid-life crisis. You also have people who display cult leader or pedophilia tendencies.

The Second group is much sadder. These are older folks who have really bad mental illnesses and somehow have access to the internet and an outlet to go to, mostly youtube. These are your brad westons and that one guy who made that terrible OS system for God. These people are really mentally ill but are not getting the care they need. Some of them act like idiots...others are just showing us how bad a mental disease can get.
 

Broseph Stalin

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The only real "Oldcow" I can name off the top of my head is Dan Quinn the UFC fighter, who I found out about through a certain two-part special livestream. Snorts Stevia thinking it came empower him, multiple arrests, rants about the Illuminati, batshit insane, lives in the past.
Yeah, you know what? I'll just link some videos...




 

The Jumping Dwarf

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Many of whom, incidentally, are dead. Robert McElwaine, weird fringe science guy, died in 2008. Earl Curley, psychic kook, drank himself to death in 1998. Stephen Boursy (a Usenet kook obsessed mainly with Usenet itself) killed himself in 2005, apparently. I know there are some others.

That's somewhat depressing. Let's face it, we love to mock our lolcows, but if one of them were to suddenly die, we would feel bad.

Interestingly enough, Wikipedia has an article on these Usenet lolcows of yore.

I heard about it on these forums. Apparently some furry got Kath Soucie's (she voiced Babs Bunny) contact information and started stalking her, so the show was canceled for her own safety, basically.

The guy is still around on Inkbunny. He might warrant a thread.
 

Clown Doll

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I think it's more that people over 35 don't make the internet the center of their existence starting from an early age, don't participate in fandoms, etc.
Or don't participate in the fandoms that the lolcow watchers themselves have been interested in. A lot of Chris followers came from /v/ and /a/ (or vidya/anime/pokemon/sonic type communities) because he embodies the same interests that the watchers of the lolcow have, ergo the young userbase that inhabits the same "circles" as they'd call it, picks people from their own environment because they stand out.

Almost none of them are 45+.
Kennayyyyy and Ray Jones come to mind.
 

Save Goober

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That's a good point about older lolcows maybe not being in fandoms per se. I wonder if there are cows in like, my dad's ham radio email list or something. He's alluded to something like that before.
 

AnOminous

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That's a good point about older lolcows maybe not being in fandoms per se. I wonder if there are cows in like, my dad's ham radio email list or something. He's alluded to something like that before.

Ham radio was sort of the Internet before the Internet.

I remember a few Usenet kooks having callsigns, but never did any ham shit.
 

LaptopGeek

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I think lolcows who are in their late twenties-early thirties are a lot less likely to grow out of it, because by that point, they aren't doing ridiculous stuff because they're impressionable and trying to fit into some weird niche, so much as because they're immature and don't have a sense of how to properly react to criticism and etc. I'm guessing that as lolcows like Chris and PT age, we'll find that we have more older lolcows. We probably don't have that many 45+ lolcows currently because at this time, most people at that age aren't into fandoms and other subcultures anymore, unless their field of work is related to those areas. Fewer older people in these sorts of subcultures means a smaller pool of potential lolcows. However, as it's become less taboo for older people to enjoy the things from their youth, we'll probably find that we'll have more older lolcows in the future.

I agree with this, as I had this friend who was a LOL cow but was in her late teens, now is in her early 20's. But she had therapy and got sectioned in a mental hospital twice. She is also living with her grandma and aunt as she can't cope with her nuclear family. She's actually do very well as she kept her job starting part time in 6th form to full time after dropping out college, has a very close friend who she is always around with (she used to be isolated in the past) and no emo related Facebook statuses (as she used to do emo related journals on dA). She also backs off the computer as it triggers her depression which is a good thing really.
 

ChuckSlaughter

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That's somewhat depressing. Let's face it, we love to mock our lolcows, but if one of them were to suddenly die, we would feel bad.

Interestingly enough, Wikipedia has an article on these Usenet lolcows of yore.
Just track down old lolcows fs generally have massive internet footprints so they'd probably be easy to track.
I knew a lolcow back in the 90s, jennicam
http://www.wired.com/2010/04/0414jennicam-launches/
Nobody ever demanded that she show more. She just ran a pornsite disguised as an experiment. Sollog was a wayback internet lolcow.
http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2013/08/650-john-ennis.html
https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Sollog
There was a guy on rec.drugs named hmm jaguar maybe, he said among other things, that he cured cancer for saddam hussain.