Where are the older lolcows? What happens to cows when they age?

Konstantinos

The Sword of Atismu
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May 5, 2014
The reason you see so many young lolcows is that the dawn of the internet is still happening. The internet is something of a frontier at the moment and its not always well-understood. People underestimate the gravity of posting stuff online, especially dumb young people who are trying to discover themselves. This also applies to weirdos like Chris and ADF as well, who have made themselves laughing stocks thanks by virtue of their ineptitude.

I get the impression that there have always been lolcows like Chris in every part of the world. The reason we're seeing so many of them right now is that the internet has served as a venue to spew their weirdness on to the unsuspecting public.
 
B

BT 075

Guest
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This is what happens when a lolcow ages:

Hideaki-Kobayashi.jpg

Hideaki-Kobayashi2.jpg
 

Washington0592

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Jan 2, 2015
-Lolcows are mostly young because of the higher rates of autism in younger generations (though this is disputed) and/or because society has changed in a way that fails to discourage cow behavior like previous generations may have. I think this might have something to do with it but the Historical Lolcows thread shows that there have always been cows.

It's actually very likely that what looks like a "higher rate of autism" is merely improvements in diagnosis. Keep in mind that the word in its modern sense didn't appear until the 1930s and it wasn't even established as a separate syndrome (as opposed to having its symptoms lumped in or blamed on schizophrenia and other disorders) until the late 60s. There's a very long history of people displaying autistic symptoms, but a very poor understanding of mental health until less than a century ago and difficulties in either diagnosing it at all or diagnosing it properly kept it from being properly applied and cared for.

As for the lack of older lolcows online, also remember that the Internet in its current, mass used form is only about 20 years old. I was born before the Eternal September and literally almost everyone 30 or above spent a good chunk of their life with little to no Internet usage at all. New technology is something that's embraced generationally, rather than every human being grabbing it and using it exactly the same (I still know elderly people who use flip phones, even though a smart phone is well within their budget and likely easier to use, just because they don't want to change). It won't be for another 3 years that we'll have adults who were born in the 2000s, who would have likely had Internet as a major part of their entire lives.

What this means is that the modern phenomenon of an online lolcow is something that can really only exist with younger peoples who grew up using the Internet and are thus comfortable using it regularly enough to embarrass themselves on it, or engage in very long and drawn-out online drama and battles. Someone who's 45 would have been born in 1970, meaning they'd have likely already graduated from college and started a family before they ever once clicked a link and would have been in their thirties before YouTube existed. Even if they're kinda weird, they likely haven't made the Internet a big enough part of their life to be consumed by it.
 

HypeBeast

Let me feel my oats
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Feb 24, 2015
What happen to lolcows when they age?

What happen to your dreams when you age?

Lolcows go where dreams go when time passes. Nowhere.

"What happens to a lolcow deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?"
-Langston Hughes
 

Picklechu

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Jan 2, 2014
I can only think of two off the top of my head.

1. I'm pretty sure we had a thread on him, but I can't remember his name; he's some old man who wrote a book about his pedo-fantasy OC becoming empress of Earth, and he would rage when people told him that his book sucked or that it would never be on school reading lists.

2. The guy who wrote creepy fan fiction about Gadget from Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers. (Yes, I know that there are a lot of them, but this guy went above and beyond; we might have had a thread on him, too.) :cryblood:
 

AnOminous

Only the rarest and smuggest of Goodmans
Retired Staff
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2. The guy who wrote creepy fan fiction about Gadget from Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers. (Yes, I know that there are a lot of them, but this guy went above and beyond; we might have had a thread on him, too.) :cryblood:

Do you mean this fuckin guy?

Ray Jones is the main Rangers sperg I know of.
 

AnOminous

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ED's not working for me for some reason. Is this the one whose kids bought this guy's granddaughter a Gadget costume for Halloween? Because I recall that happening. :cryblood:

That's the guy. I wonder if they knew they were dressing up his granddaughter as a character he has elaborate fetish fantasies about.
 

Tragi-Chan

A thousand years old
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I'd say firstly the newness of the Internet is a major factor for the reasons listed above.

Secondly, I think it's directly linked to self-perception with age. Basically, when you're in your teens, you think you can pretty much rule the world. You will be an immortal billionaire rockstar drowning in sex. You think your opinion not only matters, but is better than anyone else's. Thank God the world has you. Then you get older and you start to develop a more realistic perception of yourself. In the case of lolcows, when the illusion disintegrates, there are two ways they can go. They can grow up, snap out of it and make a life for themselves, in which case they are no longer lolcows and probably are too busy to dick around on the Internet. Or they become depressed and unmotivated because they come to realise that it's never going to get better and their lives are screwed up, and so they stop posting (or at least, stop being funny).
 

Washington0592

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Jan 2, 2015
I'd say firstly the newness of the Internet is a major factor for the reasons listed above.

Secondly, I think it's directly linked to self-perception with age. Basically, when you're in your teens, you think you can pretty much rule the world. You will be an immortal billionaire rockstar drowning in sex. You think your opinion not only matters, but is better than anyone else's. Thank God the world has you. Then you get older and you start to develop a more realistic perception of yourself. In the case of lolcows, when the illusion disintegrates, there are two ways they can go. They can grow up, snap out of it and make a life for themselves, in which case they are no longer lolcows and probably are too busy to dick around on the Internet. Or they become depressed and unmotivated because they come to realise that it's never going to get better and their lives are screwed up, and so they stop posting (or at least, stop being funny).

Maybe it's just me being closer to my teenage years than the adults who have already gone past 30, but I don't think teens actually think that way? I've never once met a teenager who actually thinks that their opinion is the most important or that they're super awesome or anything, unless they already have an inherently large ego that will likely continue into adulthood. It seems like a lot of the adult dislike of teenagers and their "bad attitudes" is a pushback against teens finally reaching an age at which they begin to question the world and authority figures instead of simply following them like they're wise sages.
 

Tragi-Chan

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Maybe it's just me being closer to my teenage years than the adults who have already gone past 30, but I don't think teens actually think that way? I've never once met a teenager who actually thinks that their opinion is the most important or that they're super awesome or anything, unless they already have an inherently large ego that will likely continue into adulthood. It seems like a lot of the adult dislike of teenagers and their "bad attitudes" is a pushback against teens finally reaching an age at which they begin to question the world and authority figures instead of simply following them like they're wise sages.
I'm exaggerating for effect, you young whippersnapper. Also, get off my lawn.
 

Pinball Lizard

The best thing you could ever do is die
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Jan 21, 2015
Jack Chick is a nonagenarian lolcow. I'm honestly surprised he doesn't have a thread.
 

Karellen

You're as dense as usual... But, I don't blame you
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There are several older lolcows over at Conservapedia, especially Ken DeMyer, aka User Conservative, a 50 something who goes on multiple 30+hour editing sprees just to adjust pixels on an image or copy/paste the same garbage essay all over the website.