Which is your favorite Amberlynn? -


I've got more demons where that came from.
True & Honest Fan
HumblebragLynn- When she claims to love spending her money on other people and how they 'need' it more than she does. Usually with her gorlfriends families during the holidays, also how she gives to many charities and makes sure you know it.
ExpertLynn - This is when she claims to know more about a subject than her partner and meanwhile sounding like an ignorant fool.
SassyLynn- Usually when she is trying to gain attention when out with others. Loves to use Drag Race lingo and exaggerated hand movements.
FoodieLynn- When she brings up loveeen cauliflower as if she is some sort of gourmand and as if cauliflower is exotic, also with sushi.
SpicyLynn- When she claims how she can handle spice but then says how bell peppers are spicy. :story:
DoctorLynn - All time favorite, when she knows better than the Doctors, Nurses and Hospitals. Her expectations when visiting the ER never cease to amaze me. She still cannot understand the ER is to get you stable enough to see a specialist about ongoing treatment but yet, she goes everytime no matter what! (not gonna lie, she has had me upset at the way she treats hospital staff in the past)

Turd Blossom

True & Honest Fan
Classic sassy HairbowLynn.

And like many of you have mentioned, WriterLynn is definitely peak Amber. So terrible, yet so confident.
oh boy.png

A special mention goes to IrresistibleLynn - she hasn't made an appearance lately, but back in the Destiny era, her insistence that men were constantly hitting on her was pretty entertaining.

Emotional Prolapse

Cow Psychologist
Definitely Dietlynn, when she becomes a 600-lb expert on fitness, food, and weight loss.

Immediately followed by Sorrylynn, when her bullshit causes backlash that hits her in the wallet so she films a video cryeen and apologizeen and promiseen she's seen the error of her ways and she gets it now, no really, and she's so committed to hulthyness -- she once lost 89 El Bees so don't question her resolve, gorls.

Oh Christ and how could I forget Fitnesslynn, skating around the living room floor for two whole minutes like some kinda stop-motion terror you'd see lumbering towards you in a campy 80's horror flick, or successfully climbing a single step. You may not like it, but this is what the ideal female physique looks like, etc. etc.


bag o' bones

The sheer manic joy she encounters, the look of ecstasy on her overstuffed face and how she has to overexaggerate her facial expressions just so you can see some sort of emotion, struggling for the words to describe food so she just makes that god awful "yup mhmm mmm mhmm mhm mhm" and those little chewing motions

plus cuntylynn usually makes an appearance, with sprinkles of dieticianlynn and smuglynn. They're all winners.

I also like Humblelynn. Nothing more L O L then watching a 600 elbee child transparently begging for asspats cos she's so generous, y'all!


Token SJW
WriterLynn cracks me up like none of her other personalities.

She writes worse than Onision, barely speaks her own native tongue, her stories read like awful fanfictions (said from a person that always enjoyed that side of fandoms and has been reading them for years), misspells even simple words and doesn't get all verbs right, not to mention that she uses randomly periods, commas, and semicolons.

The funniest thing is that she has no idea of how actually bad she is at building stories, characters, and even how she structures chapters absolutely sucks. There are stories on the internet written by 12yos that have a better sense of all these things (one of the most common tricks is to finish your chapter with a twist, so that the readers will go to the following chapter to see how it's resolved.

Oh, not to mention that she absolutely cannot see a deeper meaning in the media she consumes (when she recommended The Haunting, she said it was about "Drama", rather than it being a series about people learning how to cope with their tragic past and with the loss of their youngest sibling. It's interesting because it's what she's supposed to do but refuses to!). Since she cannot understand that stories have layers, her writing also doesn't have layers: everything is just... kind of there, like the infamous rain and petals eavesdrop.

I'm actually a bit sad she doesn't share her writing more: bad writing makes me cackle like a witch, and commenting it on the farms on a dedicated thread would be delightful, but at the moment all we have are the two Wattpad stories and the few poems she shared, all material that has been commented on time and time again.
It makes me wonder what the experience of reading is like for her. I know she favors especially idiotic YA fiction (since that's the limit of character development and plot structure she can handle) but even those have editors. Doesn't she notice things like how punctuation works? Anyone who reads on a regular basis should pick up a bit of that just through osmosis, no?

But I guess her misfiring grey matter reaches its limit with just classifying plotlines as "drama" and knowing that commas are a thing that show up on the page from time to time.

Good job, AL. Maybe someday you'll figure out what a character arc is.

Anyway. I like a lot of the 'Lynns, but Cuntylynn is probably the best. It wipes out whatever pity the other 'Lynns have inspired and reminds me that even if she wasn't beyond redemption, there's nothing about her worth trying to save. That knowledge makes the other 'Lynns all the more delicious.


I’m torn between Wheelynn and Contrylynn.

On the one hand you have Amber in a group trying more and more desperately to be the center of attention to no avail as the fag shanty ignores her and D Squared just laugh at her. Definitely satisfying.
On the other hand, you have her random “contry laaaahf” quote-unquote “accent” that she TOTALLY picked up but she’s really a valley gorl not even lahhying—really contrylynn and any version of accentlynn is hilarious.

I say they’re equally favorites!


Zap to the extreme comrades!
Doctorlynn is probably my favorite. Never fails to make me grin when she tells us how she "kNoWs wHaT WoRks fOr hEr" despite solid medical professional advice.

Cuntylynn and flexlynn are close seconds. She almost manages to rustle my jimmies when they appear but then I remember she's a fat cunt whose days are numbered.

Then toddlerlynn, just because it’s so cringe.

I feel like this thread needs a poll.

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino