Who was your first LOLcow? -

[WarJams]

The first one that comes to mind that I ever encountered myself in the wild might have been ClawShrimpy being a faggot on 4chan's mecha board. /m/ has had a lot of local weirdos over the years... it is a "special" place.

Who knows though, throughout the 2000s I ran into a number of small, localized laughing stocks and human embarrassments on numerous different websites before I really came to appreciate what a fully-fledged lolcow really was. Like most people of that era on the internet I had heard of Chris-chan, but by the time I found out about him it was in the slow years, so it was mostly reading up on things that had already happened.

 

[Pizza Time]

Peter Coffin. I used to follow his threads on /cow/ pretty religiously during the toilet nigga saga but lost interest after his wife got plastic surgery and started showing up in his videos. Just a bunch of unfunny political skits that I didn't want to give any more views, so I stopped following.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

What's a lolcow?

 

[Scoopski]

John Sakars. Respect every animal, don't be speciesist!

 

[Some Random Soul]

Nate Spidgewood. It was before TV Tropes had updated their site to effectively kick him off, and it was also before he turned into a cybercriminal.

 

[Sperghetti]

Back in the day, I mostly just enjoyed watching weird, niche internet communities. Some of the earliest ones I remember were finding Geocities-tier webpages about things like disability fetishes, men with long fingernails, those guys who dress up in latex woman suits, and the VCL furry art site. LiveJournal eventually became a great place for weird shit like otherkin and soulbonders. I ran across Chris and Encyclopedia Dramatica at one point, but I never got into following any specific cow.

The first person I ever got into watching just as an individual was a short-lived cow from FreeJinger around 2009-2010. She was a blogger named Emily, and I really wish she had been around for KF to witness. If you combined Anna Johnson's food glop with that hoarder YouTuber who cooks things in a filthy bathroom and added in a dash of child neglect, you'd get Emily. She absolutely loved the idea of being poor, and had three kids in a one-bedroom apartment, where the only income was from her husband's janitorial job at the local Wal-Mart. Sadly, she sort of fell off the map after her major blow-out with her "haters", and I have no idea whatever happened to her.

 

[Neko GF]

Onision. Initially thought of him as nothing more than an angsty edgelord with shit opinions. Today he is a criminal groomer who also happens to be an angsty edgelord with shit opinions.

 

[bmills796]

Monica Rial. I only started this shit when animegate started

 

[Muh Vagina]

Marguerite Perrin, AKA God Warrior from Wife Swap.

 

[Eclair's Shota Paradise]

First interaction was watching TheSpoonyOne's Final Fantasy reviews, first heard the term 'lolcow' from some furry artist that paid through Patreon to be an optional boss fight in Undertale (That was my first time discovering the farms, but that was a while back. i cant recall his name now) and the first lolcow I started watching intently was Chris thanks to Genosamuel.

 

[Shitassdeaddude]

I had heard about CWC and read up a bit on him yeeeaaaarrs ago, but the first lolcow that really caught my attention was Zoey Quinn, back when Gamergate was a thing that existed. Of course, that was years before she had a body count. As for the farms, didn't join up with you fucks until Channel Awesome was lit on fire. At the time you were the only bozos who were keeping up to date with everything coming out.

 

[JustFuckinaDude]

My love of MGS led to a video recommendation called “This is How You Don’t Play MGS2”. I’ve been observing DSP from a distance since then.

 

[Battlecruiser3000ad]

First ones were non-English. I only got comfortable with the language back in like 2007/08, so CWC was the first.

 

[CybrRobotnik]

Darksonic180/SonicTeam765 and Al Jerico (Also uses multiple different names), they're a pair of Sonicfags.

Even earlier than that would be a guy called "Sonic The King" and some guy called ShadicTheHedgehog something, both of them were exceptional in their own ways.

 

[TaimuRadiu]

Jennifer Reitz was my first LOL cow. There is a thread here on it but I came across the site http://transsexual.org/ as a teen and thought "what the fuck is this". Then I explored more lore and found the webcomic Unicorn Jelly, which is pure what, just what. Much much later I find out Reitz writes apparently the darkest and worst-regarded fics in the bronyverse, The Conversion Bureau.

So yeah.

 

[Argh My Cigar]

Waaay before Chris, there was this disturbed babyfur that lurked on the various anime forums I was addicted to at the time. He was apparently intersexed, believed himself to be secretly Japanese, was 27 but had online “daddies” ranging from 13 to 18, and would throw a tantrum whenever you messed with him via RP (I’d pretend to stab his RP buddy with Zero’s saber from MMX. I know, I know— I was 13). He eventually just dropped off the face of the earth. Probably suicide.

 

[Gorillagorillagorilla]

My first real lolcow was Mr. Enter. It's what made me understand why lolcows are so fascinating as he finds so many wonderful ways to make an ass out of himself.

 

[Logical Fallacies]

I guess my first (personal) lolcow was a truly exceptional Dir en Grey Stan/Groupie back in 2004/2005. Liked dogs, hated people and her vagina (I don't touch my vulva!!). And of course, her and the vocalist had a spiritual connection. She even doxed herself like a true lolcow but disappeared a few years later. I'm still sad about it.

 

[NARPASSWORD]

First lolcow I've experienced was this Russian (or Jewish) proto-boogie comparing GameCube discs to chocolate chip cookies

I WASH MAHSELF WIT A RAG ON A STICK

 

[Return of the Freaker]

DakariKingMykan. Ran across him when he was still mainly a Digimon sperg and joined Project AFTER forums around the same time I started lurking CWCki Forums. There was some lulzy shit between him and Project AFTER that culminated in him writing a hatefic about some of the darn dirty trolls from our humble sporking forum.