Artcow WitChan / Melvin Wright -

[Himawari]

This thread is number two (of probably, like... two) in my series of bizarre misfits of the Pokemon fandom.

I posted in the personal lolcows thread about this guy a month or two ago, because I figured there probably wasn't that much about him personally to merit an entire thread, but after a lot of thought I decided that (much like Rose) he's so prolific on the one site he actually frequents - fanfiction.net - that there should be plenty of material to rip into.

Everyone, meet WitChan, aka Melvin Wright.
As he readily informs us on his FFN profile, he is 23 years old, 5'11" tall, and weighs 188 pounds.
He also has written (currently) 156 stories on the site, about 99% of which is horrific misogynistic Pokemon porn, a handful of which is 50+ chapters long, and all of which is absolutely terribly written.

But wait, that can't be the case! As is stated on his profile:

For the morons like Luckenhaft claiming that I'm a misogynist, here's something I wanna say to you braindead idiots. Are you morons trying too hard to get rid of me? If so, then nice try. It's hilarious how you idiots call me a misogynist. Yet, you idiots obviously knew other authors post the same shit as I do and you don't mention or bash them. Also, what about the shit people put on television shows, games, books, movies, and fanart? Why haven't you morons bash them, too? Oh, wait. You're just trying to get rid of me because you're butthurt trolls. And I find it more funny that fiction is all about unleashing your imagination over stories, shows, games, fanart and movies and you trolls pretend to treat me like the bad guy because I'm doing the same thing. So yeah, if you think I'm a misogynist, then you're a fucking hypocrite that shouldn't be here or watch, write, draw, or play something that involves fiction. That's the only thing I'm gonna say because I'm blocking users (with idiotic, hypocritical comments) and deleting anonymous comments starting now. Trying having common sense, morons. Otherwise, do the world a favor and kill yourself. Idiots like yourselves are the reason why this world is getting dumber.

If you're wondering where the misogynist accusation comes from, it's because he enjoys writing lengthy stories about Pokemon girls going on journeys in which they whore themselves out to any living thing they encounter (both human AND Pokemon), and said Pokemon girls speak badly of any non-whore girl they meet on the way for choosing to not be a whore. Among other reasons, but WitChan has claimed that there's no way he's a misogynist because he has female friends "who he has never harmed."

I'm not sure he realizes there's a difference between misogyny and physical abuse.

I think he's on rule34 also and everyone hates him there, but I try to stay off that site.

I'm not really sure what's up with WitChan, but an acquaintance and I once speculated that, like Chris, he gets for some sort of mental or developmental issue and sits on his ass all day writing shitty porn. I can't fathom how else he'd be able to find the time to write such a huge volume of shit. Unlike Chris, though, writing (albeit poorly) is a lot more constructive than playing vidya.

Not sure what else to say about him at this point, so I think I'll just wrap things up with my favorite quote I've come across so far in his stories:

"I can feel my sperm reaching closer to my dickhole, baby." Wally said.

 

[Lady Houligan]

May's fantastic journey, chapter 2 wrote:
"I can feel my sperm reaching closer to my dickhole, baby." Wally said.

Clearly we've found the last of the true romantic authors here.

 

[The Hunter]

He's a Spurs fan, so I guess I hate him by default.

 

[Himawari]

His hate for the Phillies is just one of many reasons why I hate him.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

At first I thought this would be someone on 4chan that only speaks in wordplay. Then I read this...

So yeah, if you think I'm a misogynist, then you're a fucking hypocrite that shouldn't be here or watch, write, draw, or play something that involves fiction.

And realized no, he can't be that delightfully clever. Kid sounds like a real douche.

 

[Bob's Fries]

He sounds like every butthurt dumbass fanfiction wannabe author that tries too hard to defend his warped perception of characters. Especially when they're revealing their fetishes online through the characters.

And I find it more funny that fiction is all about unleashing your imagination over stories, shows, games, fanart and movies and you trolls pretend to treat me like the bad guy because I'm doing the same thing.

The same retarded defense every dumbass author uses. No shit we're going to criticize your imagination. Because you're showing us you're a sick fuck to the core. Jesus. How fucking tasteless.

 

[Himawari]

lamepokemonart did a great sporking/MST/commentary on the first thirty or so chapters of "Prancing around" (among a few other Witchan pieces) if anyone's interested.

 

[Pikimon]

And ladies, he's single.

 

[José Mourinho]

By the way, if any idiots go butthurt over the reasons I hate the pairings mentioned above and treat me like the bad guy and claiming that I don't have a life by putting it all over your shitty accounts on fanfiction or other sites (like tumblr or deviantart), here's a suggestion: go kill yourself. Seriously, do it, you hypocritical cunts. You see other people sharing their reasons why they like and/or dislike a pairing all over the internet and you don't mind it. Yet, you insult me like I raped/killed your family or some shit, even if I shared the same negatively reasons as them.

 

[Bugaboo]

I don't think this guy understands the meaning of the word butthurt

 

[random_pickle]

This guy needs an ED article, seriously.

 

[soIregistered]

This guy is pretty much the way I look at all fanfic writers. There is no quality control. Eventually, the characters from Rescue Rangers are going to show up and fuck the Scooby Gang or something. It's just the law of fanfiction.

 

[José Mourinho]

Decided to read one of his fanfictions.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9519573/1/Ash-and-Lyra

I don't know which one is worse: A-Log's one or this.

 

[Himawari]

This guy needs an ED article, seriously.

I'd try writing one, but although I've been a supporter of ED from the very beginning (I was LJ friends with girlvinyl and other notable dramacrats waaaay back when), I've never gotten a good enough grasp of the culture around the wiki to be able to write for it. Any article I tried to write I'm sure would either be too boring or too tryhard.

I know of some good sources for anyone who does want to write an article on him though, but it will take some digging. For example, a whiteknight once left some comments on one of his stories (can't remember which of the hundreds it was) advising him to stop lashing out at people who flamed his stories, and Witchan actually took this advice to heart..... for a little bit, before he started sperging at anyone and everyone again. And then there was this one time he got a tumblr account so he could tardrage at lamepokemonart for being a hypocrite or something???

I also have one or two older versions of his FFN profiles (complete with abrasive rants telling trolls to kill themselves and stuff like that) saved onto my computer at home, but I'm at work at the moment.

Witchan's correspondence with lamepokemonart:

Part 0
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

A tiny bit of aftermath

I had to go back through 130 pages of the lamepokemonart blog to find some of this. You're welcome.

EDIT: The whiteknight and Witchan's response to it is at the bottom of this page (though if there are any more reviews added to the fic it'll be pushed onto this page). I'll have to dig around some more to figure out exactly how long Witchan's period of peace lasted before he started attacking his negative reviewers again.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Witchan's correspondence with lamepokemonart:

Part 0
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

A tiny bit of aftermath

I had to go back through 130 pages of the lamepokemonart blog to find some of this. You're welcome.

I love the Part 0 gif so f'n much. Also thanks for going back. Really appreciated.

 

[Himawari]

Ahh, you posted as I was editing it! So I'll just quote the edited portion here, haha.

The whiteknight and Witchan's response to it is at the bottom of this page (though if there are any more reviews added to the fic it'll be pushed onto this page). I'll have to dig around some more to figure out exactly how long Witchan's period of peace lasted before he started attacking his negative reviewers again.

 

[GGGBYBYBY]

"You should because it's fucking good shit. By the way, you wanna hang out with me at my house?"

Ladies and gentlemen, Ash Ketchum as interpreted by Witchan. Truly masterful writing there.


EDIT

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9547472/1/May-and-Norman

That is May and Norman. May forces herself on her own father. You have to remember this ass was probably writing this with only one hand on the keyboard. Bear in mind May is in her early teens/tweens. This guy is 24.

 

[Saney]

"You should because it's fucking good shit. By the way, you wanna hang out with me at my house?"

Ladies and gentlemen, Ash Ketchum as interpreted by Witchan. Truly masterful writing there.


EDIT

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9547472/1/May-and-Norman

That is May and Norman. May forces herself on her own father. You have to remember this ass was probably writing this with only one hand on the keyboard. Bear in mind May is in her early teens/tweens. This guy is 24.

Oh! Now I remember this guy!
http://www.projectafterforums.com/index ... c=3108&hl=
Enjoy.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

English cannot be WitChan's first language. Whatever the hell he thinks "flourished" means, I do not want anybody "flourishing" anywhere near my vag, because at best the person is making elaborate gestures to visually underscore their actions (which, in this case, seem to have something to do with wiping vaginal secretions away), and at worst they're suddenly playing a complicated, triumphant-sounding riff on a trumpet. And even in some kind of horrible RPF that involved Dizzy Gillespie, trumpets would still not belong in bed.

Why yes, I am snarking the language use to avoid thinking about a fic where a mother just seduced her two underage children, one of whom, as the sporker helpfully informs us, is canonically nine years old.

 

[Organic Fapcup]

I read his "Mammoth Harem" fic. Not all, but most of it. This might be the worst thing I've ever read. And I managed to make a drinking game out of it.

• Take a sip anytime a girl calls Ash "daddy".
  Take a sip anytime the author misspells "Johto" as "Jotho".
  Take a sip anytime one or more girls are described by the author as "the slut(s)/the MILF(S)"
  Two sips any time a variation of "a few minutes later..." is written.
  Take a sip every time there is sex.
  Take a sip any time ellipses show up during sex.
  Take a sip every time money or condom wrappers are placed in/taken from between a girl's breasts.
  Finish the glass if the girl in question is Iris (who is quite literally flat-chested).
  Take two sips if a character's description in-story does not correspond to the official art.
  Or if you don't know what the character looks like.

Pick a few of these rules and enjoy your liver failure. And possibly cancer from reading it.