Artcow WogglebugLoveProductions / Cynthia Hanson - One Womanchild's Fruitless Quest to Make Her Cockroach Husbando a Household Name

[BriarHeart]

Gentlepersons all, I give you Cynthia Hanson, aka WogglebugLoveProductions, aka WogglebugLover, aka AvengingAtheist. She's a militant antitheist who loves the Wogglebug, an obscure side-character from L. Frank Baum's Oz book series. And when I say "loves," I mean "dedicated years of her life to building a TL;DR virtual shrine to a giant talking cockroach." In her own words:

Nearly the entire Oz series and fan club around it has degraded, mistreated, and done harm to the Wogglebug's image in every way imaginable for a century and a bit more. So, therefore as one who adores him so much more than the Oz series, or any characters of it who've mistreated him, I have a right and an honor to put this in reverse for a change. I put the Wogglebug front and center in the spotlight in movies that have nothing do with Oz. I may have books among WogglebugLove Productions that I must admit are technically Oz books due to having other Oz characters, along with mentioning of other Oz situations and stories. But they are all contain my own unique visions, which are all exclusive to my franchise only, especially as they all have the Wogglebug as front and center of them in a positive light.

Watch her creepily-animated videos! (Warning: autoplay music!) Buy her shitty books and DVDs! Read her rambling blog and atrocious fanfiction! And, if you too wish to violently suppress any expression of religion in society in the name of a mutant insect, you can apply for membership in Cynthia's bugfuck insane super-special club! She only wants the right people, though, so be warned: it will be a daunting task.

Before you go, a word of advice? Don't mention anyone called "dracowaltztard." It won't go over very well.

 

[kcbbq]

Wonder if she wants to buy a first edition copy of The Wogglebug Book?

 

[Randall Fragg]

I think it's kind of funny that she believes that "Politics have no place in Oz", considering that one of the theories about The Wizard of Oz is that it's about turn of the century populism.
Edit: It's probably not, but it's still kind of funny.

 

[OBAMATRON]

Cynthia Hanson will now view your choice.

Let's see if I get the password.

 

[Queen of Tarts]

She's obsessed. With a cockroach.

It might be kind of understandable if it were the first 4 letters of that word. But a COCKROACH?

I've read a few Oz books in the past, but I've never encountered Wobblebug before.

 

[OBAMATRON]

She argues with Amazon reviewers on her books, if anyone want to look.

 

[The Knife]

She's obsessed. With a cockroach.

It might be kind of understandable if it were the first 4 letters of that word. But a COCKROACH?

I've read a few Oz books in the past, but I've never encountered Wobblebug before.

He shows up first in the second book. Also there's quite a few Oz fans who like to pretend he's an eldritch abomination. Yeah, I may be an Oz fan. /only slightly defensive.

 

[Queen of Tarts]

He shows up first in the second book. Also there's quite a few Oz fans who like to pretend he's an eldritch abomination. Yeah, I may be an Oz fan. /only slightly defensive.

That's probably why. I only read the first and Ozma of Oz, and I read them as a child, so I can't remember them very well.

Good books, and it might be one thing if she were obsessed with Scarecrow or something, but..

A COCKROACH?

 

[The Knife]

The thing about the Wogglebug is...he's kind of terrifying? Even for the Oz books, where the characters only go deeper into the Uncanny Valley the longer the series wears on. He hasn't made it into any adaptations because he scares children. And even within the books he's easily the most pedantic, irritating, unhelpful character around--and he's written that way; it's not anything subtextual at all. The other characters find him annoying.

TL;DR: it takes a special kind of victim complex to latch onto this character out of all the rest. She's welcome to him.

 

[OBAMATRON]

Guess who provides the god-awful artwork?
http://www.yourbasicwebpage.com/art/

It's worth looking at.

 

[Coldgrip]

Good books, and it might be one thing if she were obsessed with Scarecrow or something, but..

A COCKROACH?

It worked for Kafka.

 

[BriarHeart]

What may be even more special than her roach-obsession is her passionate hatred for a former fandom friend, dracowaltztard. Seriously, Bugfucker's hate-on for this poor girl spans multiple threads on the Why God, Why? forum. According to her (TL;DR) summary:

In conclusion, everything my REAL friends, dracowaltztard is the POLAR OPPOSITE. She is my polar opposite in every bad way imaginable. Every thing I have in good, she is in bad. Therefore I always had the right refuse to allow her to take advantage of me, attempt to blackmail me into changing my mind into what it is not and could never be, exclude her from list of friends and fan club, and forbid her from stealing my valuable time I could devote to REAL learning by doing the things I want to do that are positive experiences for me and enabled me to be close to the people I REALLY do identify with.

I have lately started anew on Fanfiction.net. I have a new account. The old still exists, but I felt the need to start anew after the weight of the often painful memories in the old one. So after taking my old stories off my old account, I have began re-uploading them to the new one. A number of them I will be revising or rewriting in a few areas, but still the majority of them will remain intact, and many new ones will come along also.

To this day, only the people who have good hearts and intelligent minds are capable of appreciating the stories I write. I can't help it being that way. That is just what makes me so special! And I LOVE myself for being such!

Draco's unforgivable crime? She apparently wrote an Oz fanfic for Cynthia in which the Wogglebug was a Christian.

No, seriously. That's it.

 

[RecordStoreToughGuy]

The thing about the Wogglebug is...he's kind of terrifying? Even for the Oz books, where the characters only go deeper into the Uncanny Valley the longer the series wears on. He hasn't made it into any adaptations because he scares children. And even within the books he's easily the most pedantic, irritating, unhelpful character around--and he's written that way; it's not anything subtextual at all. The other characters find him annoying.

TL;DR: it takes a special kind of victim complex to latch onto this character out of all the rest. She's welcome to him.

It's probably telling that the Woggle-Bug didn't appear in any of Gregory Maguire's Oz books, and that guy mined the mythos pretty deep, from what I remember of Wicked and Son of a Witch. I didn't finish the series, though, so maybe he made an appearance later. But still. You'd've thought he'd have been right at home in Shiz.

 

[tobacky_vapor]

Just started reading her blogs and crap, and good lord this shit reminds me a ton of Tumblr. While it lacks their lingo it fucking makes up for it with it's one-sided, long winded rants.

 

[Torchwood]

Damn, I was considering starting this thread. I did a sporting of one of her 'books' on another forum. Hang on, let me see if I can copy pasta it over...

Yeah, here we go. Let's see if formatting decided not to be a fuckwit. I apologize for the juvenile tone, it was more in line with the forum it was originally posted on. Also, the spoiler tags just want to play fuckass with it if I try to spoiler the whole thing with smaller spoilers inside, so fuck it. It's gonna be a long fucker.
...
...

Howdy, y’all. I’ve got a real turd here. I debated for a while whether to put it in New Releases or Original, but in the end, I decided I would put it here, because there’s nothing even remotely original about this book.

Without further Ado, I give you…..

The Wogglebug’s Guide to Manners
-or-
Do as I say, Not as I Do, by Wogglebug[strike]fuck[/strike]lover
-or-
Thank Fuck I’m High

I’ve had this knocking around my hard drive for a long time, so it was quite a pleasant surprise when bugfucker showed up. For the record, I can confirm the deletion of every even slightly negative review on every site. But that’s neither here nor there, so let’s dive right into it!

Be warned. Below, you will see uncensored illustrations from this tome of horrors. All quotes are extracted verbatim from the source. Do not expand anything if ye be faint of heart or weak of stomach.

Spoiler

This page introduces us to-OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF ART CLASSES OR SHADING OR PERSPECTIVE. Okay, I’m going to try not to rag too hard on the artwork, since I actually admire Woggie for hiring a developmentally disabled artist. At least, I hope to God that’s why the illustrations are so bad. But one thing I can’t let pass…. The canonical Wogglebug has a lengthened index finger to approximate a lecturer’s wand. Even the most apathetic reader knows this. Leaving that out really shows a lack of knowledge of the source material.

Hello to all of you, my dear young friends! It gives me such pleasure to see you all today!

http://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000036258614-v4snz4-original.png?3eddc42
Oh god, now I’m going to be reading everything in Herbert’s voice. The fuck have I done to myself?

Now as you must have noticed, I am a thoroughly educated gentlebug with the manners of such. I learned them all by listening to and observing the wise professor and also his students in the school room I had grown up in, so to speak.

You know, most people, if told they had manners and education of a beetle, they’d be upset. Bugfucker, on the other hand, that would actually be an improvement. So, meh.

And now as I am a teacher myself

Oh, God, JUST as the ‘pedophile teacher’ stories were dying away for a while. Low hanging fruit, much?

I shall be honored to give you a lesson on how to have the manners I have, which are easy and fun to learn.

“Spoiler: It involves drugs. Lots of drugs. And blood.”

So you just listen to and observe me as I go through a whole day that is typical for me in the Land of Oz.

Well, I would hope that going through a whole day is typical of your day. I mean, imagine if you typically only existed for twelve hours and disappeared to god knows where? You’d be a timelord!

Spoiler

That might be the best rapeface ever on the Tin man, there. Also, he only has one leg.

Every morning I wake up with the sun.

“The son of one of my neighbors, that is. We woggled half the night.”

Then I go out and I happen to come by a couple close friends of mine, The Scarecrow and Tin Woodman. I smile and I say 'Good morning' to them.

“They’re Very Close friends, you know. A bit old for my tastes, but they do seem to care for each other.”
Good god, that face. And scarecrow’s expression makes me think that he just suddenly got something shoved up his ass. Oh. So that’s where the Tiin Man’s other leg went. Ew.

Spoiler

horrible faces aside, I do like the addition of the spiritual icon on Dorothy’s crown. and the eternity symbol is certainly an appropriate choice, as she looks old as fuck here.

In the Emerald City courtyard I find Princess Dorothy and her charming little dog Toto.

“Dorothy had just turned fifty, as you can see. As had Toto, due to his pact with Satan all those years ago.” Seriously, that dog looks like Cthulhu fucked Chewbacca on a Ouija board.

I notice Dorothy has a new crown and Toto has a new collar and I compliment these things of theirs.

I used to love it when Dorothy complimented my thing, but then she got old. Alas, none can stay children forever.”

Then Dorothy sees my new Oz pendant and compliments on it, to which I reply, 'Thank you, my dear!'

“I made it from the blood of a thousand children. Don’t ask where the blood came from.”

Spoiler

I next find two more of my friends, Jack Pumpkinhead and the Sawhorse. It seems the two of them are having a sort of a dispute over something.

“Well, it looked more like the Sawhorse was trying to fuck Jack in the ass. With his rear legs, apparently.”

Which is not really uncommon for these two.

“There is a reason Jack always walks funny.”

So after I say 'Pardon me, my good friends,' I then proceed to help them resolve their conflict with each other and help them see that it is all right to disagree as long we still respect each others personal boundaries

“No means no. Unless it’s one of those gorgeous preteens over there. Speaking of which, toodle-oo!”

Spoiler

Next I come across two young boys who are having a severe quarrel in the middle of a game of theirs.

"They had been having the argument for fifty years if they started as young boys, judging by their faces. I began to wonder what was happening causing everything in this not-really-Oz to look so horrible. It was like we were nothing but sketches by a retard on ketamine"

They seem almost on the brink of doing harm to each other.

"And it was my job to do harm to minors in Oz."

So after I come between them

I help them to find a way to keep playing with each other

Honestly, i dont even think I could make that sound more pedophile-y if I tried. Bravo, Bugfucker, bravo.

Spoiler

I am approached by the Wizard of Oz who tells me about the surprise party this evening for the Frogman to celebrate the first anniversary of when he came to live with us, and he invites me to come to it. And I happily accept saying, 'Oh, yes, of course I will. Thank you very much!’

First, remember how I said Tinman had the best rapeface ever? The Wiz just stepped up his game. Second, Wiz, Wogglebug, Frogface confirmed for gay sexy times threesome. We need fanarts now.

Spoiler

I am approached by Princess Dorothy and her friends, Betsy, Trot, and Button-Bright. They say they are going on a picnic and invite me to come along with them. To which I delightedly reply, 'Of course, I'd love to!'

"Some days, you don't even need to give the candy. I had trained Dorothy well over the years."

Spoiler

Along our way, we meet Billina the yellow hen as she is leading her fuzzy yellow chicks along the road. So we stop a moment and let them pass by us. I tip my hat as we all wave to them.

"Billina was once fucked by a tennis racquet. That is why her chicks look like tennis balls."

Spoiler

Once we reach the spot for our picnic we spread out our blanket and set up our meal together.

"Rohypnol cookies for the kids, and the kids for me!"
Also, penisfinger.

I then sit straight beside Dorothy. When I want something I always ask with 'please," and then reply with 'thank you' when it is given to me

"If you don't treat the. Special, they will tell their parents."

I sometimes reply with 'no thank you' when they ask if I want something.

Bless her heart, Dorothy never got the hint that she's simply too old for my tastes now."

I also never speak with my mouth full and I also use my napkin.

"Otherwise those kid-juices stain"

Spoiler

After our picnic we clean up the place where we were,

See? I don't even have to try. Clearly the author secretly wants to out the Wogglebug.

Along the way we meet with the Cowardly Lion. It seems he has had a hair cut, or rather a mane cut, and is feeling rather embarrassed by it because ie isn't sure if it looks good with him

At the behest of a very good friend of mine who is homosexual, I will forego the obvious gay jokes here and simply observe that the lion looks like an aging drag queen gone to seed.
I will however, point out that as a noun, ‘haircut’ is a single word. You fail so hard you fail at failing. And then fail anyway.

We assure him he is as handsome a lion as he always is, and I add that his mane will always grow back also

"The second part, of course, caused him to realize I was lying about him still looking good.In his anger, he kills all the children. "

He then feels better.

“His rage not fully satiated by the carnage however, the lion left this mockery of Oz and moved to a zoo in Dallas Tx, where he eventually killed the lioness who he bunked with.”

Spoiler

Once I am back at the Emerald City, I begin to prepare myself for the party this evening. And who isn't always concerned with how they look and act at a party, especially when it is here in the Emerald City? So after I have washed myself up and had my clothes neatly pressed to perfection, I head out to the Palace dining room.

See that fuckery all over his shirt? This is why someone with actual artistic sense erases their pencil sketch after they’ve inked over it; even I know that. But then again, the slow-in-the-mind illustrator doesn’t even understand three-point perspective, shading, or even basic consistency of scale, so maybe he just is that stupid.

Spoiler

As everyone is gathering inside and the party is beginning, I greet as many of the other guests I can who come my way and I give them my best smile, letting them know how happy I am to see them here also.

That is the most phallic finger ever. And the Tinman seems to have picked up on it, judging by the pedo-grin. That beige thing is gonna get it.

Spoiler

If I bump into someone by accident, or someone bumps into me, I quickly stand straight again and say, 'Oh dear, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there a moment ago.'

That….. thing’s… face just says ‘oh god please not the buttfucking again.’ You cannot unsee it.

Spoiler

I meet with the Frogman, and I congratulate him on his year of happiness of living here at the Palace, and let him know also about how much his friendship will always mean to me.

God only knows where that finger’s going to end up this time. Also, that’s supposed to be the frogman? It looks like an inbred ogre. Adding that to the list of horrible things I’d rather be reading than this: Shrek fucking his own kids to create a super-retard.
I hope you all enjoy the sacrifices I’m making here.

Spoiler

When I feel I have to sneeze I always cover my nose and my mouth with my handkerchief.

“Froggy takes the opportunity to insert himself quite a ways up my ass.”

Spoiler

The Frogman's friend, Cayke the Cookie Cook, has brought with her a whole new kind of cookies. She comes to us and invites me to try one. And of course I reply with, 'It will be my pleasure, Miss Cayke!' And then after I've tried one I let her know just how good they are.

"All they need is some rohypnol and they'll be perfect for my next wacky molestation adventure!"
Okay, if that’s a chick, I’m the goddamn Pope. That is a pink-haired transvestite with rapecookies.
Another one for the list: Transvestite baker uses rape-cookies to gather a harem of children.
….Actually, that’s probably where this one is going anyway. Fuck.[/spoiler]
Also, goddamn really? ‘cookie cook’? That’s the best you could do? Avatar put more effort into ‘unobtanium’ than that. And they had 100% less pedophiles in that movie, too! Fuck me sideways with a rake, I just said something positive about Avatar’s plot. This is starting to take its toll.

Spoiler

Shortly afterward, dinner is served. I sit beside the Frogman and Jack Pumpkinhead. And I follow the same etiquette as I had at the picnic. I sit straight, and eat politely, I never interrupt when someone else is speaking, and of course I use my napkin.

Pedowizard is watching you.

Spoiler

After dinner, the Wizard puts on a magic show for us all. And as I watch I do not speak, but I do like to applaud and sometimes laugh when the time is right for it, of course.

"After all, the Wizard would take anyone who didn't applaud to the dungeon. They were never heard from again, but the Wizard always wound up with a new leather coat afterward."
For the list: Sweeney Todd in Oz. Actually, I’d read the hell out of that.

Spoiler

After this, everyone begins to slowly leave. And just before I do, my friends, including Dorothy and the Frogman, come up to me to say good night and also give me hugs.

"Dorothy, despite being a bit codependent, was very good at enticing children for me, so I always make sure to keep her feeling loved."

And yes, giving hugs are my favorite kinds of manners as they are manners for saying 'I love you'.

"Just never tell your parents about HOW I love you, right? They'd lock you up."

Spoiler

Well, that is all for now. Goodbye, my young friends, and I hope you've all enjoyed hearing this lesson as much as I have enjoyed giving it!

"Because I certainly enjoyed giving it to the little children!"

So there you have it. The Sonichu comics of the new decade.



Fuck I need alcohol now. Fuck.

I’ll have something witty later. Fuck.

Goddamn my poor bleeding eyes.

Fuck.

 

[Bridechu]

I've been on the Internet for around sixteen years now. I've seen a lot of shit in that time. A lot.

I've seen grosser things than this. I've seen weirder things. I've seen more disturbing things.

But believe me when I say that this is the most autistic thing I've ever seen on the Internet. I can't describe why, but it is. Worse than Sonichu, worse than Kevin Havens, worse than anything Tom Preston or Bleedman could ever conceive of.

I'm going to bed now. I'm not sure if I'll ever wake up.

 

[GaryOak]

What... the fuck...

This is gold. How old is this person?

 

[Descent]

Seriously, Bugfucker's hate-on for this poor girl spans multiple threads on the Why God, Why? forum. According to her (TL;DR) summary:

Oh my god
People still post on Why God Why.

 

[homerbeoulve]

I need a brain bleach to wash away the disgust that I have for this person for ruining "The Wizard of Oz" for me.

 

[wheat pasta]

There's a lot of stuff to comb through so I'll get to that eventually, but I just wanna take this from her blog here:

Because although I and my supporters and friends love the Wogglebug and see him as a symbol of guidance and learning to be smart in thinking and knowing how the world works, we all understand he is fictional and he is a fantasy for understanding and appreciating the real world we all live in and trying to make it a little better by taking actions against bad things and people.

Here's the thing.. I've only read one story wherein the Wogglebug is even mentioned (BTW he's a professor), and he's made out to be a stupid buffoon whom nobody cares much for-- his ultimate fate was, in fact, to be cut in pieces and left to sit at the bottom of a river because he invented a "square meal" pill and everyone was mad at him because it was flavorless.
So.... I mean yeah..