Worst restaurant, fast food or food menu names - bad names

Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Okay, well, having lived in London both as a student and during my working life up until the start of 2016, I've run into some suspect eateries.

The Valtaro Snackbar, detailed here, was a popular haunt in my first year for belly timber after a night oot on the tap. Mainly because there were three halls of residence up the road (which have since been demolished.) I was in the area a couple years back and thought I'd check in for old times' sake. I turned away when I saw the compulsory Food Hygiene Rating sticker on the door stated "adequate." I began to wonder how many kilos of fag ash, grit, and floor dirt I ingested while eating there.

The London Borough of Hackney boasts many fried chicken emporia. I went to one post-pub when a trainee solicitor for some spicy chicken legs and they basically served me nameless slime coated in a batter that exuded vast quantities of oil when you squeezed it. I never went there again.

The absolute nadir of London comestibles, though, was when I was trying to cook for myself and all my housemates a Burmese curry, and realised that I had no naga jolokia peppers. And it was a Sunday at 7.30 pm. The only place open and selling chilli peppers in the vicinity at that time was this store here:

Habaneros of Nurgle.png


(It's on Graham Road, Hackney, E8, if you must know.)

So I popped in and found they had habaneros. They looked in good state and free of holes and wrinkliness so I bought a handful. Got them home, and sliced the first one open... and though the exterior was totally unmarked, the inside of them was black with rot. Then this huge fat maggot crawled out. How it got in without there being any holes in it beats me. I can only think that somehow the insect that spawned it managed to lay its eggs inside the pepper, and when the grub hatched it had lived its entire life eating and shitting the insides of the pepper over and over and over again and again.
 

LagoonaBlue

Harriet Louise Connor (No bully; have Autism)
Person of Interest
kiwifarms.net
Wimpy and their signature burger, the "Bender". Both stupid names.

The Bender isn't actually that bad a burger, it's just a silly name.
 
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Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Wimpy and their signature burger, the "Bender". Both stupid names.

The Bender isn't actually that bad a burger, it's just a silly name.
When I was at school "bender" was a pejorative term for a homosexual. Given that the Bender is a sausage slit down one side transversely and curled up, eating one of these meant you were obviously gay.
 
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_blank_

The Charles Dickens of Disco
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I remember back in High School we had this one really fat girl who swore by Taco John's....

However whenever I went to one, usually when I was living in the college dorms and decided to get out for a bit with my merry band of ne'er-do-well undergrad compadres, it was always pretty dismal. Really greasy food, the meat tasted oddly sweet, like they just cooked it in tomato paste and forgot the actual seasoning, the shells were really hard and tasteless, and the Potato Oles (mini hash browns... because it's the midwest, of course there has to be some kind of deep fried potatoes), were uncomfortably salty.

One of the other things you learn when you live in the Midwest is how to appreciate gas station food, especially ones partnered with actual distributors. One of the more prominent distributors out here is Piccadilly Circus Pizza. I mean, I understand the name comes from a location in Westminister, but all the same getting a green chili and egg pizza doesn't sound very British... then again, they do have Spotted Dick so... I dunno.

Also, not a restuarant name, but a classic name all the same, let's not forget the McGangBang.

 

LagoonaBlue

Harriet Louise Connor (No bully; have Autism)
Person of Interest
kiwifarms.net
One of the other things you learn when you live in the Midwest is how to appreciate gas station food, especially ones partnered with actual distributors. One of the more prominent distributors out here is Piccadilly Circus Pizza. I mean, I understand the name comes from a location in Westminister, but all the same getting a green chili and egg pizza doesn't sound very British... then again, they do have Spotted Dick so... I dunno.

Also, not a restuarant name, but a classic name all the same, let's not forget the McGangBang.

Off topic - Piccadilly Circus is a Tube station as well.
 
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DuckSucker

Beautiful AND cute
kiwifarms.net
Wimpy and their signature burger, the "Bender". Both stupid names.

The Bender isn't actually that bad a burger, it's just a silly name.
I actually imagine this is a homage to that old cartoon character named Wimpy who was addicted to burgers. Garfield's catchphrase was "I hate Mondays" or whatever and Wimpy's was "I'll pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today". I only know of it because my grandma once told me that saying and I was like, "Mimi, what are you talking about?" And she had to explain.
 
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MakeItRain

taste the waste
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Every vegan/vegetarian restaurant I've ever been in has some astoundingly cringey names.

There's a place in Eugene, OR called Morning Glory Cafe and I always go when I'm visiting bc it's pretty delicious for veg food, but some of their menu items include shit like "Happy Morning Sandwich", "Claire Bear's Bomblette", "Buddha Belly Oatmeal", and "Garden Goddess". Just bring me some goddamn waffles and fuck you for making me say "Jivin' Jitterbug Waffles" out loud.
 

Tragi-Chan

A thousand years old
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I actually imagine this is a homage to that old cartoon character named Wimpy who was addicted to burgers.
It was. In fact, the chain got in some trouble over that, and had to redesign their mascot to look less like the Popeye character.

Every vegan/vegetarian restaurant I've ever been in has some astoundingly cringey names.
There was one called Food for Thought near where I worked which pissed me off. It wasn't just the name - the whole place had this really self-righteous vibe. It lasted less than a year.

A restaurant in London's Chinatown that always made me giggle childishly was Lee Ho Fook. Sadly it's closed due to rent increases (basically the whole of Chinatown is on borrowed time atm), but the owners appear to have reopened out in Romford. I recently discovered that it got a shout-out in this song:
 
M

MW 002

Guest
kiwifarms.net
I'll confess that the name "Panda Express" used to make me think that franchise sold cooked pandas in their chops suey.

Anyways, my pick for a bad name would be Onion King- a fast food joint they used to have in Edmonton back in the early 2000s which has since closed down. it just makes me think of Shrek for some reason.
 

Captain Toad

Captain of the Toad Brigade
kiwifarms.net
We have this "BBQ" place in town that's been around forever. They have quite possibly the nastiest steak I have ever consumed.
This place's "steaks" are either one inch, flavorless slices of burnt meat or pale gray steaks that are are probably raw. They also serve salad that tastes like it's a month or two old. It's bad.
 
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DangerousGas

Chaotic Bald
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
During the run-up to the 2012 Olympics in Stratford, there were a huge number of businesses trying to cash in on the name, leading to a pretty impressive crackdown on names that were obviously infringing on the international trademark. Most of these businesses have shut down (largely on account of them being crap), but there's at least one cafe I can think of that still remains (iirc, it actually tried to fight the legal notice to change its name), but it is now blessed with the name 'lympic café' as a result.
 

Shokew

Trial by Fire! Trial by Fire!
kiwifarms.net
Their actual burgers are pretty good, though.
That's what I meant by above average, especially compared to the other shite out there (BK, McDs, you know.). It's just the name that leaves itself open to my problem with it, honestly.