Write a coherent story with random.txt - Wherein Null's autistic gimmick is put to productive use

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

What it says on the title. The story can be of any length. However, any and all lines- narrative or otherwise- have to come from the random.txt. If you don't know what that is, it's the weird quotes under the search bar in the top right.
I'll start:

Spoiler

"Dynastia has found out where I Live, and I'm really scared now."
"suck my flacid tranny cock."
"FIRED FROM LIFE!!!"
"U KNOW FUCKING WHY SSHOLE"
Feeding off each other's negative cyber energy.
" FOLKS"
"ugh my vagoominah hurts"
"Life is a cartoon; we are all the characters of the larger; the cartoons we make are part of our own universe; we're all a reality cartoon."

 

[Cossack]

Marked each character speaking for convenience.

Spoiler

P1. *HIIIISSSSS* *BANG* HAHAHAHAHEHEHEHAHA

P2. YOU PUT ME ON A SINKING SHIP. I fucking hate you. You've had to fuck my life up even more so, all in the name of some cheap laugh you fucking tard.

P1. srry cant hear you over the sound of my cool gender.

P2. I am not a million dollar extra. Uncouth Bastard! Ugh!!!

P1. As if I've got a future. . if you ever feel bad for yourself just remember you're not as sad as the dudes on kiwifarms.

P2. The fuck is a Kiwi farm?

 

[WW 635]

A romance story between a Kiwi and EDFer:

Spoiler

”WHY DIDN'T GRANDMA WARN ME”

”Believe me, if that snake didn't want to be fucked, you'd know it. But sick fucks messed with the wrong fucking deer. [Encyclopedia Dramatica] was my job for almost a decade.”

”what does autism have to do with any of this?”

“just cause im a crazy mother fucker doesn't mean i cant tell you guys really need some help. kiwifarms is like that mixed-breed dog that only got the shitty parts of each of the different breeds and its probably only gonna live to like 2 before it turns into dog jello”

“it's bad for my mental state being on there, my support worker warned me. Can’t a person share what they feel without worrying it will end up on some shit hole site like yours?”

”Every time The Kiwi Farms gets caught trying to condemn children to a life of drugs, gangs, drinking, rape, incest, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and a number of other horrors, it promises it'll never do so again. The entire point of that site is to kill mentally ill trans women, Cyberbullying and harassment. bullies and makes fun of people with mental illness ”

”Guy turns into woman, to get woman? I mean, do you see? We're going mad!”

”YOU WANT ALL THIS TO GO AWAY THEN GO BUY A TOOTOO AND GET YOUR CAMERA OUT FATBOY ”

 

[Mister Qwerty]

I think a story with random Kiwi txt is better as a comic.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

 

[Eddward]

1.
”Everyone MASS report to the FBI all the Cyber Bullying that Kiwi Farm”
”Kirby: 10/15/2015 - Justice is served and Kirby is found innocent of being a pedo.”
”Dear leader's justice is so swift.”

2.
”i am unfortunately still alive”
”trust me i look great now”

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Random.txt can be found here.

 

[Xarpho]

Wow! We've got four likes already! Whoop-De-Doo for us!



I might actually look back at my days on here and empty a 12-gauge into my mouth.

 

[mr.moon1488]

yeah yeah yeah PEOPLE WANNA KNOW WHY I HATE HOMOS OK ILL TELL U GIVE ME MY VIRGINITTY BACK! I have a real fleshlight I got free off Craigslist. Srry can’t hear you over the sound of my cool gender. I'm getting weird results for the phrase 'raped dog. No matter how old you are stumbling upon a guy who is a cum terrorist is weird.

HIIIISSSSS* *BANG* HAHAHAHAHEHEHEHAHA

Sayonora, assholes. Kind regards.

 

[Pigeon On A Stick]

A hacker and his subordinate exchange a dialogue before taking down Kiwi Farms forever.

”What do you want from me? What do you want from me? Please! Tell me what you want from me?”

”I want this site taken down! I want this site taken down! I want this site taken down! I want this site taken down! And I want it taken down now!”

”The fuck is a Kiwi Farm?”
”Can we talk about this?”

”There's a group of people on this forum that are causing me a lot of trouble for me.”
”This is the same place that I hear threatened to swat and lynch me.”

”Oh my god, what is this horrible website? ... It's like a nightmare.”

”Users of Kiwi Farms have no agenda other than to dig up more information on active social media users and laugh about it.”
”I was under the assumption that trolling has evolved from barbaric times.”

”just be thankful that you have better things to do with your life”

”Sites like this are why I hate Humanity.”
”My goal is to put an end to this bullshit forum which serves as a place for bullies to gather and gang up on others.”
”Let's just Timothy McVeigh this motherfucker.”

*HIIIISSSSS* *BANG* HAHAHAHAHEHEHEHAHA

”I'm not your lolcow. Your MY lolcows.”

 

[Ligoskj]

- Those who attempt to troll or mock will be banned
- Null is a Dull Lull; LOL.
- I fucking hate you. You've had to fuck my life up even more so, all in the name of some cheap laugh you fucking tard.
- plese. plese unbann me. i will do anything, i will even have sex.

 

[Doctor Placebo]

Is this only random text from the top of the site, or anything posted to the random text thread?

 

[Ligoskj]

Is this only random text from the top of the site, or anything posted to the random text thread?

Here's the answer:

anything