Write a fanfiction about your favorite kiwis -

andr0id psycho sho(ker

I destroy internet memes with my creepy stare!
kiwifarms.net
Have you seen some of the exceptional shit people OP? You think an off-topic idea is interesting then go for it. Don't be shy.
thank you for that. I just get nervous on sites I'm more of a lurker than a poster on though I do try to respond to comments. The new thread regarding the matter has been posted if you are curious
 

Meowthkip

LOL U HAVE SMOL PEN0R
Staff Member
Moderator
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I got a potential idea for this thread. We all know lolcows are always dreaming of having power they can lord over others in anyway possible. What would it be like if they actually got real life super powers in some way and formed their own league? If anyone wants me to get crazy with the concept for my own writing, just drop a response and I'll add my own thoughts on them. And if you want me to do bits like this for people on here, then bring it on

Christian Weston Chandler and Sonichu: OPL has just met up with his ol' pal sonichu as a phantom that grants him powers like the new friends he's making who grants him all of his sonichu and mary sue powers which he now uses to right all the wrongs against himself and his new friends wherever he sees and hear's about them
Get that plotbunny shit outta here, parasite.
 
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andr0id psycho sho(ker

I destroy internet memes with my creepy stare!
kiwifarms.net
I meant like, out of this thread.

I was late in replying.
It's fine. I understand. It was a mistake on my part anyway. I'll just post things related to the post you original quoted here instead of here now, though it will be sporadic. Thank you for your time
 

Cricket

Evil from Concentrate
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I'm necrofucking this thread to post this super fucking rad fanfic story that I got from my Secret Santa for Christmas this year:

Christmas Eve 2017

In a darkened room @Cricket sits in front of her monitor, an ocelot curled in her lap. Softly in the background Ska music plays from her speakers. The trumpets and saxophone blending perfectly with drums, bass and guitar the mixture of instruments was very pleasant to her ears.

She placed her hand on her mouse and with a flick of her wrist her Baphomet screensaver was gone. @Cricket had work to do this evening. She glanced at her desktop and eyed a familiar folder titled "To Do." Quickly double clicking the folder, a smile spread across her face. Oh yes @Cricket had much to do tonight. She made a mental note to check back up on a little pet project of hers. She softly strokes behind her ocelot's ears as a plan formed in her head. Her ocelot stretched and began to run its soft muzzle against @Cricket's knee.

@Cricket minimized her "To Do" folder and opened up her browser. As she was getting ready to log onto Kiwi Farms a sound from the other side of the room caught her attention. Alert at first, her senses began to settle back down. It was only @InLivingTuna, he had bumped up against his razor-wired electrified cage yet again. His soft whimpers of pain amused @Cricket. She made a mental note to up the voltage to the cage but to also refill his water dispenser. A good owner knows to rule with a violent iron fist, but that you must also show some nourishment if one did not want it to die or even worse, neck itself.

@Cricket brought her attention back to her monitor and clicked the link for Kiwi Farms. @Cricket’s eyebrow raised at the amount of alerts she had. She clicked on her alerts, to find @Kiwi Jeff had been a busy boy like over 35 of her posts in the last hour, she cleared her alerts without bothering to follow up on what the crazy bastard was liking. She begins to scroll down the page when she remembered, she has something to look into first. Another tab was clicked up and @Cricket began to type quite quickly, the clicks of the keyboard keys and the Ska music blending quite well. A few clicks of her mouse and a program or two opened, she began her work. Less than 2 minutes later anger was apparent on @Cricket’s face. “How dare they, what a sped?” she thought to herself. The cow @Cricket was working on had the audacity to place tape over their webcam. “This is a mistake they will regret.” She said out loud. She clicked on her “To Do” folder and updated it, her pet cow would have to wait for later tonight was a big night and @Cricket had much to do.

The room suddenly became silent; her record had ended. @Cricket may have a full night in front of her but if she was going to devote herself to her work she was going to do in comfort. She gently picked up her ocelot and set him gently on his bed. He stood and stretched first his lower body then his upper. He stood watching @Cricket intently, tail flicking back and forth. @Cricket made her way across the room to her record shelf and stood deciding what band would flow with the rest of the night. A moment passed and she had made her decision. She walked over to her record player and swapped out the old record for the new one. Before heading back to the shelf to replace the record she paused for a moment to admire her collection of Super Happy Silly Kitten (tm) figurine collection. She had amassed quite the collection with rare figures from all across the globe. A small smile creeped crept out of the corner of @Crickets mouth with the memories.

@Cricket decided she would grab a cold drink from the kitchen. While walking to her refrigerator her ocelot decided to give chase, criss-crossing in between her legs as she walked. She opened the door to her refrigerator and the room was suddenly full of light. Her eyes found exactly what she was looking for. @Cricket grabbed the last of one of her favorite drinks, Icelandic beer, a rare treat but tonight it was worth it. She had the beer imported to her at no cost as a return on a favor owed to her. @Cricket opened a drawer and grabbed her bottle opener, her ocelot watching her every move. “It’s not your feeding time, bae, you need to wait until the morning” she said to her ocelot who mewed back in protest. @Cricket took a sip from her beer and headed back to her desk. The ocelot watched from its position in the kitchen as she crossed the room.

As @Cricket passed @InLivingTuna’s cage he pulled back in fear and once again shocked himself. @Cricket let out a small chuckle as she continued to follow the glow back to her monitor. She lowered herself back down onto her chair and took another drink from her beer, the music was just right, the evening had started out quite nice. “Back to work” @Cricket thought herself. She made a few notes and then opened the Farms back up, her ocelot raced across the room and jumped on to her lap.

She scrolled down until she reached the lounges section on the Farms as her ocelot made himself comfortable once again. She checked to see if her generals were online and indeed they were. They knew that tonight was special and they were needed. Unbeknownst to the average users there are actually three lounges, the final lounge being “Dox Found” she clicked and entered. Immediately she began a new thread, entitled “A Command of Arms”, The very first thing she posted in the thread was a tag to each of her trusted generals. @Ride @DNJACK @Dynastia @zedkissed60 “The time is now!” Her generals quickly joined the thread and they began to start their plan. Tonight many cows, furfags, trannys and SJW will certainly be triggered and plenty of jimmies will be rustled.
As they start to compile all of the gathered information and form a plan of attack. @Ride, one of her most trusted generals, suggested that @Cricket might be interested in a furfag by the name of HunkyHusky69 a deviant art furfag with an affection for Huskies, @Cricket gladly took the suggestion as yet again a smile spread across her face. As the data and doxes grew she couldn’t help think to herself “Facebooks will be bawleeted, Twitter accounts will REEEEEE in horror and many sad little Tumblr safe spaces will most certainly be triggered.” Minutes flew by which quickly turned to hours, and the dox grew and grew. At one point @Cricket realized she had not left her chair in over four hours. As she began to stir her ocelot looked up at her. @Cricket looked back down and reassured him “just stretching love,” She looked back at her screen gleefully, they had amassed fifty dox in a rather short period of time. She commended her generals for their effort and the payload they had brought forth. “Now is the time for you to go out and drop these dox” she told them. “Leave no Forum, Twitter or safe space untouched, deadname them all!” Off across the web they went to spread the newly found information while @Cricket leaned back and stroked under her ocelot’s chin. “Tonight was indeed a good night.” She thought to herself “All that is left is to convince my newest pet to remove the tape from their webcam.”

It was shortly after two o’clock in the morning on Christmas day. @Cricket was tired and ready to head to bed. As she slowly started to rise up from her chair, ocelot in hand, @InLivingTuna screeched again. Annoyed @Cricket was tempted to up the voltage before heading to bed. Something caught her eye on the monitor. It was a new private message. She clicked the drop down, the message was entitled “Secret Santa 2017.” @Cricket clicked on the message to see what her secret Santa had given her.
–Merry Xmas Cricket. Love your S.S.
 

NeverHappened

That's the sound of books
kiwifarms.net
And so it came to pass that Donald Trump was reelect, so then the great pedo-purge of 2019 began. Thus, the pedo killing picture thread on Kiwi Farms was started where users showed off how their execution. All was well, but one user didn't post any pics. It was @ShavedSheep, who had more :like: in her than the rest of the farms combined.

@Null said, "Behold, @Shavesheep has yet to off a single pedophile and will not Ascend to the new Aristocracy in Trump's America. She must be wedded to our best white male Kiwi, the one with the greatest purge count shall take @shavesheep as a wife." @Null, however datamined the internet and already knew where every single pedo in America(Which now includes Cuba, The UK, and four former Canadian proveniences) was

A disturbance in Articles & Happenings was felt when "Auschwitz stolen, It's whereabouts still unknown." @neverhappen commented in the thread, and got 12 :agree:, 15:informative:, 2:optimistic:, 7:winner:,1:islamic:, and 53:feels:. @NeverHappened does not know why he keeps getting so many :feels:.

Finally, an banned account somehow posted in the pedo killing picture thread showing recent pictures from Auschwitz. It was @austisticdragonkin who killed 51% of all pedophile in america.

"Do not want! I kill you dead," @Null yelled.

@Null head butted @austisticdragonkin in the chest

Blood splashed onto the floor because he had on one of those germen spiky helmets

@austisticdragonkin fell backwards in pain punching a few times before crashing to the ground.

"Ha Ha Ha Ha" laughed @Null "You could never have defeated me, so why did you even try?"

"I had too, for all that is good and just in the world," truthed @austisticdragonkin

"Well now you will die. Goodbye."

@Null leaned over @austisticdragonkin holding a large rock.

"Quick @austisticdragonkin use this!" said @Ruin, chucking a nearby object towards @austisticdragonkin.

@austisticdragonkin grabbed it and chucked it towards @Null hard, knocking him backwards off the edge of the tall house they were on!

"Goodbye, @Null have a nice fall!"

And so the wedding. @NeverHappened was best man.

The END.
 
Last edited:

scared sheep

fluffy sheep
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I had an idea for a thread where we post KF related writing. Shipping stuff, silly stuff, serious stuff, whatever.

This is that thread.

It’s late so my writing is awful but have a gift @OwO What's This?

OwO bounced in time with the music, her tail swinging back and forth. All around her, partygoers danced until they had drenched themselves in sweat. But the cheeta still managed to stand out with her cute smile, mesmerizing everyone nearby.
 

OwO What's This?

sorry but this is what peak performance looks like
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I had an idea for a thread where we post KF related writing. Shipping stuff, silly stuff, serious stuff, whatever.

This is that thread.

It’s late so my writing is awful but have a gift @OwO What's This?

OwO bounced in time with the music, her tail swinging back and forth. All around her, partygoers danced until they had drenched themselves in sweat. But the cheeta still managed to stand out with her cute smile, mesmerizing everyone nearby.
lol wut
 

8777BB5

Keep her Sexy and Straightforward
kiwifarms.net
I was going to do Pooh's Adventures of Kiwi Farms, but sadly I lack the talent and insanity to make a poster featuring Kiwi Avatars with Ralphie Gothel and locomotives based on Marine Mammals and Lego Power Miner Kits. So I'll just post this
5977_400x600-2.jpg
 

8777BB5

Keep her Sexy and Straightforward
kiwifarms.net
I know I said Monday I wasn't going to do A Pooh's Adventure of Kiwi Farms, but right now I'm having a challenge with a friend (I have to write a fanfic and they have to write an original story as they' write fanfics and I write original fiction) So I've decided I'm going to do Pooh's Adventure of Kiwi Farms. So here's the first part of the project.


(Spoiler) Null angrily paced back and forth on the platform. It seemed the hands of the station clock were taking forever to reach noon. As he continued walking, Dr. Hooves walked up. “’Scuse me sir, but if you keep that up you’re going to put a hole through the platform.”

“Fuck off,” said Null. “Or else I’ll send you to the knackers.”

Dr. Hooves gave Null the death glare before angrily walking off. As he strolled away, Null pulled out his pistol and fired twice instantly killing Dr. Hooves “Stupid horse,” said Null.

After what seemed like an eternity the train arrived. Null was annoyed to see that the train was being pulled by Bill and Ben. “What are you two doing pulling a mainline train?” asked Null.

“Henry let us pull his train today,” said Bill.

“We were quite excited to go down the mainline,” said Ben.

“I’m sure you were,” said Null.

Without another word, he quickly headed down the train to the third coach. When he arrived, he saw Alec Benson Leary step off the train with his friends Cricket, Kevin Keene and Princess Lana. “Are we ready to go?” asked Null.

“As we’ll ever be,” sad Alec. “Where’s Molly Ringwald?”

“She’s with Shelia from Sears and Taylor Swift at the old sewage plant,” said Null. “They’re currently keeping an eye on the situation for us.”

“Good,” said Alec.

They quickly walked outside and found some kids playing with Minecraft Legos. After blowing their motherfucking brains out, Null and his comrades got into Null’s propeller limousine and they went speeding off down to the road listening to Christine and the Hedgehog Girls newest album. “I can’t believe he covered the Britney Spears version of My Generation,” said Cricket. “Why would he do that?”

“It was the only way Britney would go naked to Chris’s Lesbian sleepover,” said Null.

“Why are we listening to this ear rape?” asked Kevin.

“Because we’re going to need all the anger we can get when we take on our new enemy,” said Null.

“New enemy?” asked Princess Lana.

“Yes,” said Null. “Ralphie Gothel and the Power Miner trains have teamed up to produce a new breed of Lolcow. By combining Pokémon, Thomas and Friends, My Little Pony and Sonic The Hedgehog, they have created a new breed that once introduced to Minecraft and Five Nights at Freddy’s will be virtually unstoppable, which is why we’re going to put them down.”

“Hear! Hear!” yelled the occupants of the propeller limousine.

They soon arrived at the old sewage plant. As they arrived they found their good friends Molly Ringwald, Taylor Swift and Shelia from Sears waiting for them. “Megan sends her apologies that she couldn’t be here,” said Molly. “However, she did get the pictures of the demons. Ralphie and the Power Miner Trains days are numbered.”

“Good,” said Null. “Follow me.”

Our heroes went to the back of the sewage plant. Peering through the glass they saw horrible creatures that looked like what would happen if you combined a pony, a tank locomotive, a hedgehog and a Pikachu. As they looked in, they watched as one of these creations took a massive diarrhea shit and then rolled around in it. “My God,” said Cricket. “We need to put them down.”

“Indeed,” said Null. “Here’s what we’ll do: We shoot to kill and then we use the methane inside to blow the place up. After that happens we rendezvous with Princess Jasmine, General Pooh and Skarloey the Narrow-Gauge engine to invade Hogwarts, which was conquered by Ralphie and the Power Miner trains this afternoon. Everybody ready?”

“Hell yes!” yelled everyone.

“Then let’s give them hell!” yelled Null.
 

andr0id psycho sho(ker

I destroy internet memes with my creepy stare!
kiwifarms.net
Have been thinking of an idea for this thread but have been kind of seesawing of whether to do it or not. If any is curious, I am open to telling people
 

TheClorax

Straight up Leaving the Farms...
kiwifarms.net
I was only 14 years old
I loved @Null so much, I memorized all of his posts and threads,
I pray to @Null every night for all the lulz I have been given,
@Null is love,” I say. “@Null is life”
@Null Test Account hears me and calls me a faggot.
I knew he was just jealous of my devotion to @Null rather than him.
I told him, “@Fuck you jewish cunt
He beats me, and sends me to go to sleep.
I’m crying now, and my face hurts.
A warmth moves towards me,
It’s @Null
I’m so happy.
He whispers in my ear, “I hope you get SIDS.”
He grabs me with his mighty, powerful paws, and places me on my hands and knees.
I’m ready.
I spread my ass-cheeks for @Null
> tfw it was so small I couldn’t feel it until he left
@Null Test Account was right.
 
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