You end up on Epstein's Island, how do you escape? - Do you even try to escape? I know some of you fuckers might even like the situation you find yourself in.

Fireman Sam

Monke
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 24, 2020
The year is 2015, you are just an innocent internet shitposter fighting for ethics in video game journalism when suddenly, you wake up on Little Saint James' Island with no memory on how you got there.

The bright tropical sunlight dazes you for a moment and you sit up, you take a look around to gather your barings...
Upon seeing the iconic blue roof on one of the buildings your heart sinks and fear grips you. You know where you are, you have seen that building before on /pol/ or some shit. You get the feeling that you were most certainly NOT invited either.

You must escape before the end of the week or you will be trapped in the fuck dungeon forever.
If you do not escape or you are caught, you will be passed around as a sex toy by the elite and fucked in the pooper every night until the ending of the world and fed only the worst flavours of soylent.

If you die in your attempt, your corpse will be reanimated and your soul trapped within using vile gypsy magic and be forever raped by savage dogs, if you are a white girl those dogs will be replaced with something less attractive to you.
And by the way the waters are filled with octopus and sharks imported straight from Japan, so that means that they'll rape you if they catch you too!

You must come up with a cunning plan to escape.

Hard mode: No violence, the guards are now trained in Krav MAGA and all carry super OP custom made "semi-fully automatic" ass-assaut rifles, courtesy of CNN.

If you manage to escape with your life you can personally suicide Epstein and all of his friends and usher in a safer world for all. Also Null personally gives you an award sticker for your bravery.


So, how do you escape? Give me your most creative plan!
 
Solution
Walk to the harbour and jump on a boat. If anyone asks why I'm leaving I would say "I'm a quick cummer and have a metting with Harvey Weinstein in the morning. Be seeing you" and sail off in to the sunset.