Your native (non-english) lolcows -

[A-tistic]

I'm sure every kiwi from a non-English speaking country knows at least one cow they deeply wish would tether to an international audience so they could have their very own thread on the farms. Why not give a home for them here. Let's see what the 'muricans miss out on!

I'll start by presenting you with my very own Swedish pet skrattko.

Herkko Siponen
Chairman of his one man political party Handikappspartiet - literally "the handicap party" (he has gone so far has having it legally registered). CEO of a new strip club/brothel/sex-school/"sex-care unit" every day.

He has a shitload of dolls and is on a lovequest to find a "horny 16-18 year old wife with a beautiful pussy." Though he says he could never stick to one woman only and his final goal is some kind of harem. Despite his diligence, progress is slow.

In the meantime he married his doll:

Spoiler: More of his videos

Here he presents his wife along with his "mistress" and "fuckbuddy".

Lately he started crossdressing. I mean it wasn't horrifying enough already...
One of his latest:

Santa no-pants inviting hot girls to his christmas party

 

[RI 360]

The staring into the camera as he makes out with the doll. The .25 cent machine ring. Literal smooching sounds. The look of existential crisis/terror on the dolls face.

10/10​

 

[Infidel]

Jesus christ that's horrifying.

Y'know, I'll give you guys a post about my favourite french lolcow in a bit-- I've been dying to get him a thread but the language barrier would cut that short.

International cows are always a treat o/

 

[Foltest]

Oh fuck, he is a swede. Shit.

 

[A-tistic]

Oh fuck, he is a swede. Shit.

He's made in Finland. Probably sent here by their govt to defame us. He's succeeding too, just look at Trumps latest comment on Sweden.

 

[Big Nasty]

If you want to know, the videos are named "My wife hs", "Send letters horny girls herkko" and "Advice and support for hot girls hs".

 

[Infidel]

Okay boys and girls, let's talk about one of the biggest lolcows known in the french internet.

Mathieu Sommet

Mathieu Sommet is a French youtuber who hosts a now-terminated webshow known as Salut Les Geeks (Hello Geeks).
SLG started in March 2011 and was very heavily influenced by Ray William Johnson's Equals Three, something that Mathieu doesn't deny at all; Each video is a jokey analysis and commentary/reaction to three relevant viral videos. He comments and jumpcuts to dialogues with different characters: Himself, the Boss (a sexual predator whose perversion is played for laughs), the Kiddo (originally the Geek, he went from being a snarky nerd to a constantly bullied 12 year-old), the Hippie (a stoner who talks about conspiracy theories), the Scientist (a fake intellectual who gave absurd answers to questions, removed), the Girl (a vapid teen stereotype, removed because sexism), the Panda (who does the musical sections of the videos, just him in a panda kigurumi), and in the later seasons, the Redneck (just a redneck stereotype, 'they're stealin our jobs'), the Priest (religious shit I guess?), and just a rando straight well-adjusted white guy strawman along with Jeanne, an AI robot thing that asks about the reasons for everything.
It was all well and good, entertaining at most, funny at times but you'll notice a difference between his early videos and the later ones.

In the beginning, his humour went with what was relevant and funny, and while it wasn't high-level philosophy or succint comedy, it was a fun show, y'know? Dumb internet humour, but he spoke to his fans, he knew what they liked.

And then he started having a fanbase that wasn't made up of just his regular nerd boys and that he was bit by bit reaching a wider audience. Mathieu knows what's relevant and popular and eagerly panders to what's in.
Enter the low-key SJW phase.

I was a fan of Mathieu until around 2014-15 when his political bias was more than obvious in his videos. He went from commenting memes and viral videos to nitpicking things that would further a message he felt needed to be pressed.
All this while spitting on his original fans, those who carried him up, calling them stupid and ungrateful and mocking their 'I liked it better before' comments.
I guess it didn't help that Mathieu got a huge boost from being praised in an article by Madmoizelle.com (feminist website that's basically Buzzfeed+The Mary Sue+Jezebel's orgy buttbaby which is, incidently, owned by a male 'CEO/journalist' who preys on his employees and guilt-trips them while forcing them to be open about their sex lives in the name of feminism-- but that's another story) about a video he did that points out the victim-blaming tactics of an anti-rape campaign from the Hungarian police. He was swarmed with a new wave of fans who were rejoicing because a cute male youtuber is talking about feminism and social justice!!!

Now, it wouldn't be funny if it just stopped there.

There's a forum in France that's notorious for being kinda weeny, its comm inspired by 4chan and the like, known as the 18-25 forum on jeuxvideo.com. They're pretty much the /b/ board without full anonymity. In any case, they like poking around and they brought up some interesting information on Matthieu that became relevant in a rather huge drama case involving another French youtuber, Raptor Dissident.

Among the things they brought to a wider public was an instance that at the biggest anime con in France, Japan Expo, Mathieu took videos of an underage girl's panties. Its not much, even if it's gross, but it was enough to make him lose credibility both in the eyes of the feminists who supported him and his attackers who pointed out his hypocrisy.
The girl spoke out about it, anonymously via a twitter confessions thing.

Spoiler: 'incriminating' screenshot + link to the video

Reupload of the video (this is at 1:52 and it zooms in on her crotch)

His beef with Raptor was simple but enough to have people open their eyes about him.
Raptor Dissident is your regular angry rant youtuber who speaks a lot against the 'turn France is taking', about the twists society has nowadays, namely criticising how fragile men have become, feminine gay men, and how third-wave feminists are fucking shit up while also spitting on rioters and your regular anti-SJW shit.
He posted a video about a Madmoizelle 'journalist' Marion Seclin, and a video in which she condescendingly explains to men why catcalling is a baaaad thing and that you shouldn't speak to women in public. He got a bit angry about it and ranted, calling her a bitch a shocking total of ONE (1) times. Of course, the backlash was huge and Mathieu hopped on it like a bulgarian whore on a rich daddy's dick.

Mathieu was buddy-buddies with Madmoizelle's team and white-knighted for Marion, using his influence to have Raptor's video/s taken down. While it isn't 100% sure that the censorship was fully associated with Mathieu, Raptor clearly took it this way.
I'm not here to criticize Raptor though.

Mathieu shared a video from a youtube nobody who goes by the name of Masculin Singulier, a faggy little Andrew Scott lookalike who took advantage of this drama, onto his FB page. When Raptor complained about this, Mathieu responded with a condescending video in which he shit all over him and any man who doesn't respect feminism.

Link to the video.

Bottom line is really that Mathieu Sommet is a smarmy, condescending, holier-than-thou opportunist. He rubbed elbows with people that made him popular and got him that sweet youtube money. Also a supporter of totally-not-a-communist French elections candidate Jean-Luc Mélanchon and a regular Trump basher-- You know. The regular.

I will probably have more to say about him but he can pretty much be summed up by this: he's a huge disappointment.

Twitter: @Mathieu_Sommet
Youtube: /SalutLesGeeks

Spoiler: here's a little surprise to reward you for reading though this spergy novella about some dumb french youtube dramaking

He's at the center of some saucy yaoi shipping between him and another youtuber, Antoine Daniel.

 

[Raging Capybara]

André Amorim

https://www.youtube.com/user/andreluisdeamorim/featured


For more than 7 years, he posted a new video every single day on his "TV news" show, he got no more than hundreds of views in each one.

He stopped uploading in episode 2590, yeah, you read it right.

He has a cult following in some obscure forums and nowadays he uploads only small videos and other boring television stuff.


Josesims

https://www.youtube.com/user/Josesims2


This one is a classic here (Brazil), more than 4000 videos in just one of his channels, he's the typical autisct, pedophile, stupid and abscessed with random stuff, his case are buses, yeah, hard to believe but it's true.

The Sims is his "Sonic", the game he loves the most, but what is absolutely bizarre is the way he loves to torture and kill women in the game, worse, he faps when the girls give birth, one of his more notorious fetishs are screaming (of pain) mouths.

He got some memorable quotes through the years, the best one is definitely this one (he wrote this in one of the many troll fights he engaged on forums), some trolls even managed to make these girls read the quote live in some sort of artistic performance:

[youtube]

This guy is a legend, is our CWC.

 

[Dr. Voss]

Alright, kids, attach your seat belts for this is going to be one hell of a ride.

Henna Makkonen / Asperger / Asperger-Henna

This borderline psychotic, probably narcissistic, and possibly retarded sanctimonious abomination of a woman discovered internet at the age of 16 according to her own words. Her victims sure as hell wish she never hadn't. She has had several blogs at least since the late 2000s, and is best known for stalking complete strangers she has met either online or IRL, fantasizing (sometimes sexually) about them and their family members, and writing about them using their full names on her blog and in several online communities. She seems to feel no shame at all, and throws herself into psychotic rage whenever criticized only to snap out of it several days later and start begging for forgiveness and pity from others.

And beg she does, oh boy. She uses her several health problems both as an excuse for her behavior as well as a way to fish for sympathy. These conditions include Asperger's syndrome (which she probably doesn't have despite literally calling herself that a couple years ago), "mild" Down's (totally made up), "mild" Leukaemia (nope), and, most recently, a heart attack (probably fake but wouldn't be surprising based on her lifestyle). She rarely does this with the illnesses she actually has (psychotic symptoms and diabetes type II) mainly because those don't earn you sympathy points. She has also tried (and apparently succeeded a couple of times) to use her poor health as an excuse in order to avoid being prosecuted when the police have contacted her due to the harassment.

That's right, she has been contacted by the police several times over the years when her victims have tried to put an end to her harassment. She got a restraining order against one of her victims after harassing her workplace, making false criminal accusations of her, and threatening to burn down her house. Her excuse for her behavior was that she was angry.

Spoiler: :cryblood:

In the past she has had an obsession with babies, kittens, and rodents and has harassed victims with small children and insisted they let her hold their babies. Chimped out when she was (very fortunately) told no. Has adopted several kittens and other small animals, allegedly some of them have died in her hands, but the most recent ones have been saved by her relatives. Currently she has no pets, but she has adopted kittens impulsively in the past only to ditch them when they stopped being cute, so it's only a matter of time.

Currently she has been messaging local politicians and frequenting Mormon meetings in order to steal their food. (As you can see she weighs at least 140 kg, possibly more, and continues to gorge on junk food despite having diabetes.) She has also developed an obsessive, creepy crush at a man she met at the meetings, and is now mad at his wife for "not letting the two of them be together". In reality the man is probably afraid of her, since she is twice his size and could easily crush him during one of her tantrums. She even wrote a poem about his penis on her blog. She claims to be a Christian and frequently posts Bible verses, too, but seems to forget about the one that says "Thou shalt not covet." On top of that she's homophobic even though she has written homosexual fantasies of the women she has stalked, and some of them are incredibly disturbing, including a story about relieving a woman of her breast liquid (thanks, word filter) (one of her victims whose real name was mentioned in the story) and then feeding her milk to various farm animals.

She has been in a mental institution in the past, and it's a complete mystery why they won't take her back in.
This thread about her (that she most likely started herself) has over a hundred pages and counting.

 

[Male Idiot]

Here is a local sensation, Great Saint Laszlo Varecza the Dead. If there is interest, in time I will try fully transcribing his 4 videos.

He is pretty old and I want to make a public record of his rather interesting insanity.

Name: Saint Dead Laszlo Varecza
Born : 1936, Vác
Residence: Szombathely
Occupation:
Until 1983, matematician and college docens.
1983-1996, dead and selling antiquities.
From 1996 Saint, poet and antiquary salesman.
Enemies:
Academics Kalmár, Turán and Schmidt.
Marx and Lenin
The hungarian state

How to even start about him? This old man is a matematician broken by soviet academy politics and having lost his mind from loosing his job.
Now the videos detail the comlex mythology that he had created around himself as the Fourth Personification of the Holy Trinity, or as he calls it, the Holy Fournity.
He also has written the two missing testaments, the first one being the Neanderthal Testament, and the last the Varecza Testament, thus bringing the number up to four by adding one to the front and the back.
I'm not sure if he is still alive, though I would love to go to the town and search around, if I had the money for it.
His story is at once funny, absurd and tragic, and I'm sure armchair psychologists here will love it.

Fan page:
https://www.facebook.com/Vareczalaci/

Video : Chapters from a Saint's life.
Episode One:

The footage is edited and he sometimes talks a bit looney, I'll try my best.
Transcript:

Spoiler: Video One in which we learn about the Neanderthal testament and the big bang

Scene 1
This is the hungarian state, this cup, this is how it manifests. I spit in it and fuck it(slang for hit) to the ground. This is the hungarian state, shattered to a thousand pieces. This is my poetry, but it is easier to grasp this way, in half a minute.

Chapter 1 : Creation

Scene 2

There was nothing in the beginning, nothing, only me and my soul. I wandered the emptyness, alone. Aaah...In the infinitely small point was my infi... my soul, the infinite energy. And than once it just blew up. That great energy exploded. It began to expand and expand, and even today it is expanding and that created the universe. The astronomers have named this... the Big Bang. This was the big bang, but they do not add or forget to add, that Laci Varecza's soul exploded.

Scene 3

If I want to, I can crush it in my fist. (laughs) I crush it in my fist and create a new one. Yes, I create but that is when it will cease to exist when I crush it, the armageddon. Than I'll make a new one.

Chapter 2 : The alliance

Scene 4

The testmanet papers are here, the Lord God made a pact with me, here they are. The Neanderthal testmant. Up to this the Bible was made of two testaments, the Old and New. Than the Lord God sought me out and dictated down the one before the Old testament, the Neanderthal, here it is, and the one after the Old testament (I think he was supposed to say New). So now the Bible has four big chapters, unified in metaphorical system, all dictated by the Lord God. This is beautiful.
(Quotes God) 'We have made an accord, you fiery eyed Laci Varecza, who you baptise, in my poem river, the big poem river, I will take residence inside, I mean the Lord God, and he/she will have unlimited power of the Soul.' Here are the signatures of the Universal Varecza and the Lord God.

Scene 5

In grand visions the Lord God contacted me, and he said, that Laci Varecza , put down your twig. Everybody put them down, and he made inspection next and only mine flourished, so he knew I had the Power of Creation, so he made his alliance with me.

Scene 6

This rope did the hungarian state throw at me, so that I would hang myself. And this rope has another meaning, this is my rope that I had hanged the state up at the side of the poem river, upon the tall fir tree. At first I drowned it in my poem river, big river, flows through the universe, I drowned it, than I hang it than quaretered it in burned it. Plus a fifth thing I had done but can't remember, I sentenced it to five deaths.

Scene 7

The Ten commandments of the Varecza Religion.
1Do not believe the Hungarian State!
2Bathe in the Varecza Poem river daily. Make a Varecza Altar in a corner of your home and pray there.
3 Take, take faith from the Varecza Epoch River daily (repeats) . Get into the Holy Fournity as the Fifth! The Holy Trinity was first expanded with me, to Holy Fournity, but all those who believe in me can enter, and there will be Holy Ten Thousand, Holy Billion in the big Varecza Barn
4 Create Varecza Altar in a corner of your house.
5 Soothe your soul daily with prayer in the private Varecza Chapel
6 Have a meaningful occupation/hobby
7 Celebrate the Varecza Holyday on August 11. This is a big Varecza Holiday, I made the eclipse happen on it, so that it has cosmic weight, August 11 is Saint Varecza's Day
I can't read this...
10 Defend against the criminality of the hungarian state!
Here is the signatures of the God and Saint Varecza ...

Chapter 4: Dozmat (A little village near Szombathely)

Scene 8

(Rides in the car)
These two gravesites did I buy. I had a little conflict with my son so he did not want his mother buried there, he said he would dig her out and take her to Szombathely. But due to my excellent resolving skills, I said I would be buried here, and she there, and he nodded. It will be okey.

In this volume I keep my best poems. 100 out of 5000.
Saint Varecza, Dozmat heroic song.
Hey, I sing, I sing, Saint Istvan went to hunt for birds in the woods of Dozmat. There did he find Saint Varecza, flying in the underground sky. I sing of it, sing of it, he flies thousands and thousand of years here. King Saint Istvan shot him down twice. Twice did the hungarian state killed me. Because he (himself ) did not want the state wide murder-burglary commited under Christianity's veil with german weapons, and because he did not want the murder burglary commited under Marxists veil with slavic weapons. This is why the folks were killed here, for the good hungarian soil, the 50 year long game, for the good soil.
When I smeared Marx's brains on the concrete, and smeared Lenin's brain, whole Europe was ready, becasue they saw that I crushed them, and they were ready to steal the ten million people's riches.
I sing of it, I sing of it. He shot me. And here he flies now in the underground sky. (mutters) Here is where I will be buried.

Spoiler: Video Two, where we hear a poem about the Texas Chainsaw Killer and the blindfolded court lady fucking, learn how he became crazy and lost his job as an academic.

Chapter 5 : Revelations

Scene 1

In the lower town station I was waiting for the train on a hot summer day, everything was glowing hot and than at once a pidgeon flew in circles over me, and flew down to land on me and kiss me on the lips with its sharp beak. Even today my mouth bleeds because it, and than it said, 'Laci Varecza you will be bigger than Archimedes'. And than it flew to the sun, and if it said I would be bigger than Archimedes, it was worthwhile of me to abandon civic pursuits, and study algebra and that's how I became a mathematician.

My revelation with Lenin was on the shores of the Nyeva. We were walking there for days in Saint Petersburg, and than a great schism happened and the sky split in half, with Comrade Lenin showing down from the sky. And he said, 'Laci Varecza, the greatest mistake of the Bolsheviks, that we did not properly kill you, or we would be still in power.' Because I had crushed them in the fist of algebric concepts. In that manner Lenin spoke truthfully. They would still be in power if not for their attack one me, because to they barely come up to my Ankle, that Lenin and Marx. Even more, even the atlantic ocean(?) only reaches to my ankles. He spoke true again, that his mother was pregnant with him again, and that he would come back to kill me once more. Kill me proper. That was true. Because the deepest passion is murder-robbery and such people will always reincarnate. Thus I spoke to him, 'Now matter how many times did your whore mother birth you again, tell your whore mother... this is rude but this is how I said it, even if she birhts you a hundred times, I'll kill you a hundred times. The truth is, he kills me in the physical reality and I kill him in the mental reality. I crushed him in the mental realities and transcendent space.

Scene 2

Saint Varecza: Fuckin' on the floor of the butcher shop (poem recital)

Justicia, the hungarian courts, the once truthful ethics, fucking on the floor of the butcher shop.
Her partner is the Chainsaw Massacre Killer, who gained access to the butchers shop by stateification (word for communist seizure of assets)
Helped by Justicia to be a legal butcher by legalizing genocide.
The genocide and measuring of the creating, working people.
And now they fuck mindlessly because the butcher's shop brings good profits.
The whole country is in their pockets. (He laughs)
Justicia is a machine of genocide, and armed forces just realise the lawful genocide.
Why is Justicia not happy, her slit is slippery, from the brains of the beautiful peasant girl, because they destroyed the peasantry, and their brains make her slit slippery, that she needs to fuck with.
She enjoys herself without thought, 'Deeper, deeper I want to climax', she whispers into the ear of the Chainsaw (Massacre Killer), Oh oh oh alas how good, I love you dear, this is a good business for you too, *rants* this is a good business for them, that they claimed with state wide murder and robbery.
She screams, moans and slithers, throws her ass around, her breasts jiggle, It is so good, so good, my mother! It is so good it will kill me.
Her juices flow, her juices muddy the stone floor, it mixes with the blood of the beautiful peasant girl, with the core of her brains, the air is full with the steam of her blood, with the steaming blood of the killed people.
The Chainsaw (massacre killer) is drunk, and his lover too, from the blood, from killer intent, that's how they reach orgasm.
Oh god, I'm coming, they scream, how big I came, so good is the butcher shop.

(Poem Ends)

The Chainsaw Massacre Killer is an allegory for the hungarian state, and the gluey eyed worm is an allegory of the state too, in Vareczanity.

Chapter Six: Ruby lipped algebra

Scene 3

My greatest love is the ruby lipped algebra, it hooked me so greatly, the algebra. And there was a Povarov Equation, which I really loved, and built upon. I wrote a lot of papers about it to the publisher in Belgrade. And later I saw cracks in my own works. Than I checked deeply and saw that this Povarov equation that I built on was faulty. I found the fault and fixed it, and named the new solution Povarov Varecza Equation, I made this while in Warsaw.

Scene 4

My quarrel with the Boyai association and Tom Schmidt was not about this, but my algebra book which they attacked. I was hired by the Kalmar academic and the Dunar academic as an aspirant. With my algebra book with that topic. And they were the editors of the mathematical journals in those times. And I made the book, the mathematics book, which I can sustain, and they attacked it throug the assassin Schmidt.
It was not the problem that they attacked it in papers, I have overwhelming power in the intellectual field, this was a high ball for me which I fucked down hard like a horse kick. The problem was that when they saw how strong I was, they did not publish the reply. My papers written in reply were not published.

Scene 5

And than the dirty work, their dirty long hand, I wanted to publish my polemias (I got no idea what a polemia is) these in Debrecen in a work. And they neutered it, neutred it, left it out, disregarding the writer, me, and just edited it out.

The whore with the blindfold, the courts, did find that they violated my rights and neutered it. But they did not judge the lawful reparations. That it would have been restored. Restore the neutered parts. That's when my mind became scrambled. When they did not restore it.

Scene 6

The arguing intensified and I wrote to them, sons of whores, and they came to the College and put down a big box of my letters to the desk of the Principal, that a docens can't say , that you whoresons, and so lawsuits followed and I lost my job.

That is when I died and there was no god for he was dead. And for 13 years I prayed in the crypt, deepening my thoughts and in 96 there was god again for I was ressurected.

Scene 7 (car and forest)

Here I wandered for 13 years, like my old age image, the Christ of Nazaret, in the wilderness for 40 days, where he deepened his mind. And I did it here, 13 years in this forest, wandering and ripening my great work of vengeance, my poetry. I was pregnant with it. I became pregnant in 83 when they killed me. When I went to the transcendent space, and became pregnant with my poetry, nurturing it for 13 years.

Spoiler: Video Three, in which we learn about the Plastic Christ and get more poetry.

Chapter 7 : Plastic Christ (near Ják)

Scene 1

My mind was scrambled, I was carring it in my left hand like this, and I was wandering around here, without a mind, and I stopped here at the plastic Christ, because he looked beautiful and I appreciated him. And suddenly with great cracking sound did I hear, and the plastic Christ came down from the cross to wrap his arms around me and hug me, crying on my shoulder.

'You too, Laci Varecza, they killed you too?' he said, and I replied 'They killed me, but you just remain on the right side of the Lord God, I'll take care of this hungarian state, and that I did. I am the duality of Jesus Christ, for he is not vengeful but I am. My whole poetry is vengeance art!

Scene 2 (still around the plastic Christ)

The biggest sin of Jesus Christ is (repeats it) that he gave humanity a sense of guilt, when the child is burn without sin, but they burden him/her with guilt without sin, which he/she must carry to the end of his/her life.
He is my half brother for his mother became my wife, so he is my brother and my stepson and everything.
There is original sin, but that is not disobedience to God, but the state white mass genocide of the hungarian state!
That is the original sin, and its consequences are disability, homelessness, destruction of families, suicide.
This philosophy of original sin is the big difference between the religions of the Christ of Nazaret and the Christ of Vác.

Chapter 8. The vatican letter and the saint sculpture.

Scene 3

The Nazareti got down from the cross and sainted me because I crushed the bolshevik hive in my fist. And he said, that you count Varecza Laci, not the pope, but just write to him so that they put their seal on it so that people will trust you more. And than I wrote more than one letter to the pope, that Jesus Christ sainted me, I gave them the papers to put their seal on it. And I wrote that I did not want to be a child saint, I did tell him not to make me a child saint, which he obliged.

Scene 4

I wanted to make a statute in front of my birth house at Vác, because if the small Danuba side town has such a big poet, they should have a statute. I wanted to give it to the town and I wrote to them, and there are Vareczaists there, who .... um... who.. support and love Vareczaness and are sensitive to it. They went to the mayor to have it put on a square before the house. I would have put it up, and Vác would need not spend a cent on it, and I would have, but they did not give permission, Vác denied me, and I no longer live there.

Chapter 9 : The market king without a home country.

Scene 5

The Saint Varecza Son and Grandsons Antiquary was founded be my buying 3 old coins for one forint (around less than half a cent) in 1988. I made the company logo from one forint. The limit is the starry sky, and if the God did not seek me out and I did not work on my poetry I would be a billionaire by now, from antiquities.

Scene 6 (at the shop)

With this we defend the homeland that no longer exists. No nation, it is just a word now, it is no longer.

Scene 7 : Experts from the "False Quintettes" poem

There is no homeland, those killed by the hungarian state are not buried by the homeland.
There is no homeland, you can't live nor die here, only for the murderous state elite.
There is no homeland, the shackles were never broken, and the hungarian state has tightened the leash.
There is no homeland, freedom equals the state wide murder burglary of the hungarian state.
There is no homeland, there is not even a decimated, broken nation living here. Only the murderous state elite.
There is no homeland, the hungarian state asked the whole world to help it pillage the whole country.
There is no homeland, all those hearts broke and spilled blood for it in vain.
Vörösmarty and Petöfi died in vain. (famous local poets)
There is no homeland, minds, strength and will decay in vain.
Vörösmarty says they could not be in vain, but take that, of course it can be!
There will be better times, but only for the muderous state elite.
There is no homeland, death will come, to the people eliminated by the state. No glorious death!
There is no homeland, the grave is surrounded and the state elite is happy with tens of millions of riches, hah they will not shed tears of grief. (laughs) They are happy for the loot!
There is no homeland, the hungarian state has killed it, its ashes will not cover your (grave)
There is no homeland, and there is no place for us here or in foreign land.

This is a great poem.

Spoiler: Video Four, in which is fully dedicated to his erotic poetry and the scent of the snatch. Not as depressing as the rest but very funny.

Chapter 10 : Erotic Poetry

Scene 1

There is no poetry without pussy. The whole humanity got out of it. The first pussy is what I made, the first couple, but everybody else came out of it in erotic way. The whole humanity is made by erotica.

Scene 2 : The poem titled 'The Magical Snatch'

(recites Poem)

The great magnet of fertility, the great muse of world poetry, the great cosmic black hole, from it crawled out the whole humanity, world magnet is the snatch, the entrance and gate of fertility, a keyhole. I got the key.
A keyhole between beautiful thighs, its scent rises upwards, like feather in wind (?) it is the gospel of creation, It is not without slit, it is not without fissure, it is fissure itself, the great cliff itself, from where and why, why is this great gaping fissure?
So that creation can complete in it, and when the created grows up it can create too. And I will be it its patron saint too, and I will be with them on every day till the end of time.

Scene 3:

Erotic poems are a relaxing oasis between the big, indigested poems, I put them there for relaxation. This is a deliberate poetic tool of mine.

Scene 4:

(Poem) Saint Varecza, lick my snatch out, Varecza.

Oh God, how good, how i love you Varecza! (You can hear his audience snicker in the background)
Come, here is this bed, I lay down for you, come fuck me, see how wet I am, more more deeper, I want to orgasm, oh how good. (more laughing from onlookers)

Scene 5:

Oh oh holy Mary, I'll die it is so good, oh God I came. I love you Varecza.

Chapter 11: Vareczisms between the thighs.

Scene 6:

Saint Varecza: My muse have opened her thighs! (poem title)

The muse kissed me, kissed my Word, here is where the philosophy comes in. Kissed the word, the eternal, the beginning and the end.
She coyly took off her panties and every veils of the soul, laying down for me, on the couch of the spitting cup and the Ark of the Covenant, on the wedding bed of the Triple Seals, here is where I have woven in there the murderous hungarian state. The opened legs are just the background, here comes the message.
This is another deliberate poetic tool
She layed down, the spitting cup, the hungarian state, my amorous twig bore flowers, only mine, I put it down and thus the Lord God allied with me. (this is not a dick joke but a reference to previous videos if I am right. Amorous twig would make a great dick joke though.)
And the Ark of the Covenant's couch, thanks to this... on the wedding bed of the Triple seals.
She spread her thighs apart, from her snatch the air became spicy, the penetrating scent of pussy flowed. Lick my pussy out deeply you Christ of Vác, look how wet I am, fuck me more please, deeper I want to come. More, more do not stop!
Whenever I prayed to you in the chapel, at the house Varecza altar... (unintelligible) ... I got wet instantly, the word affected her physically, physiologically as thus, and I dreamed of you in my cell. I wanted you so much , almost in a trance, I wanted you so much. Virgin Mary is my witness how much I want you. Here they cry how much they want me. You are my Christ, kiss me and fuck me, fuck me please, my soul wants to unity with you. Here is the big message. Her soul wants to unite with me. Oh virgin Mary, I almost there, so good, so fine.

A psychological picture, if you don't mind .(He mutters)

Spoiler: Video Five, in which he recounts his late wife.

Chapter 12: Hawky

Scene 1

My wife was a very healthy peasant girl. Very healthy. She liked to argue, her eyes flashed and burned, she was her most beautiful, I loved her dearly, and called her my bird of pray. She loved me so much, that's why the hungarian state killed her. It did not matter that she loved me, but that I could love her, that was the important part. (I think he means that the important part was that she was loved by someone.)

I woke up at 5.30 in the morning, felt her hand was cold, and saw that she was dead. Oh alas, the great metamorphosis , the greatest, when living becomes dead, the great metamorphosis. There are 180 (Cm tall) people walking, than in weeks they are ash.

Scene 2

(He waves at the cameramen, I think who were two university students who did the interview with him.

"I think that if someone can open up, like violet opens its petals, the reward is death. But I fear not. I was nothing, I will be nothing, love me for I am still here!"

Saint Varecza Laszlo Dead

I am not sure if he is still alive, though hope so.

Some other , newer videos.

In 2014 he refutes a wikipedia entry that erroneusly listed him as havind died in 2013.

There is also another lolcow called Bartos Cs Istvan, but I'm too tired to cover him too.

 

[DumbIdiot]

You could pick any of the big youtubers from my country and I can assure you they're at least bordeline-lolcows

Then again they aren't dumb enough to be funny-in-a-lowcow-way. They can't even do that right

 

[blah]

Meet Lennart Bladh:

Swedish national treasure, has made some videos in English but most of them are in Swedish.
Ex gym teacher that has snapped a few years ago, lately it has become more prominent as he started to make youtube videos. He wants to replace the current patriarchal system with a 'holistic matriarchy'. To do this, he started a party in Sweden called Manligt Initiativ.

Spoiler: Fan-made campaign movie

He also believes he is in contact with an alien species called "Alien Mantis", that in reality is just some kids on a discord server.

Spoiler: Lennart talking about aliens

He wants to make females and men equal sexually, and the way he goes about thi is by jerking off infronf of a camera. Often to 16-yo boys showing him a loop of women while pretending to be said woman. Turns out he often knows that they troll him, but he is OK with it as long as they are good at pretending, which leads me to beileve that he just want to show his dick to young people.

Last week he had a 'fan meetup', infront of a school which led to police being called on him because he was acting creepy and wanted to meet young viewers. Ended up in the news this time:
http://www.helagotland.se/blaljus/man-polisanmald-ville-visa-sig-naken-for-barn-14054041.aspx

He sold his house a little while back, because he wanted to feel a bit more free. Bought a caravan and stayed at a camping for a while, but he was feeling like people were watching him, so he ditched the caravan and is now sleeping in tents in the forest.

Spoiler: Swedish video about feeling stalked

He seems to believe almost anything that he hears, so after watching a lot of conspiracy videos on youtube he now has a strange aversion to jews, apart from the belief in aliens and satanic cults. He also loves to send dick pics to his followers on snapchat.

 

[A-tistic]

Meet Lennart Bladh:

Swedish national treasure, has made some videos in English but most of them are in Swedish.
Ex gym teacher that has snapped a few years ago, lately it has become more prominent as he started to make youtube videos. He wants to replace the current patriarchal system with a 'holistic matriarchy'. To do this, he started a party in Sweden called Manligt Initiativ.

Spoiler: Fan-made campaign movie

He also believes he is in contact with an alien species called "Alien Mantis", that in reality is just some kids on a discord server.

Spoiler: Lennart talking about aliens

He wants to make females and men equal sexually, and the way he goes about thi is by jerking off infronf of a camera. Often to 16-yo boys showing him a loop of women while pretending to be said woman. Turns out he often knows that they troll him, but he is OK with it as long as they are good at pretending, which leads me to beileve that he just want to show his dick to young people.

Last week he had a 'fan meetup', infront of a school which led to police being called on him because he was acting creepy and wanted to meet young viewers. Ended up in the news this time:
http://www.helagotland.se/blaljus/man-polisanmald-ville-visa-sig-naken-for-barn-14054041.aspx

He sold his house a little while back, because he wanted to feel a bit more free. Bought a caravan and stayed at a camping for a while, but he was feeling like people were watching him, so he ditched the caravan and is now sleeping in tents in the forest.

Spoiler: Swedish video about feeling stalked

He seems to believe almost anything that he hears, so after watching a lot of conspiracy videos on youtube he now has a strange aversion to jews, apart from the belief in aliens and satanic cults. He also loves to send dick pics to his followers on snapchat.

If Lennart was a more prominent figure on this forum I'm sure w33n would be word-filtered into Mantis.
I quoted your very informative post in his thread that is currently way too thin. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/lennart-bladh.24169/

 

[cuddle striker]

Okay boys and girls, let's talk about one of the biggest lolcows
The girl spoke out about it, anonymously via a twitter confessions thing.

Spoiler: 'incriminating' screenshot + link to the video

Reupload of the video (this is at 1:52 and it zooms in on her crotch)

His beef with Raptor was simple but enough to have people open their eyes about him.
Raptor Dissident is your regular angry rant youtuber who speaks a lot against the 'turn France is taking', about the twists society has nowadays, namely criticising how fragile men have become, feminine gay men, and how third-wave feminists are fucking shit up while also spitting on rioters and your regular anti-SJW shit.
He posted a video about a Madmoizelle 'journalist' Marion Seclin, and a video in which she condescendingly explains to men why catcalling is a baaaad thing and that you shouldn't speak to women in public. He got a bit angry about it and ranted, calling her a bitch a shocking total of ONE (1) times. Of course, the backlash was huge and Mathieu hopped on it like a bulgarian whore on a rich daddy's dick.

Mathieu was buddy-buddies with Madmoizelle's team and white-knighted for Marion, using his influence to have Raptor's video/s taken down. While it isn't 100% sure that the censorship was fully associated with Mathieu, Raptor clearly took it this way.
I'm not here to criticize Raptor though.

Mathieu shared a video from a youtube nobody who goes by the name of Masculin Singulier, a faggy little Andrew Scott lookalike who took advantage of this drama, onto his FB page. When Raptor complained about this, Mathieu responded with a condescending video in which he shit all over him and any man who doesn't respect feminism.

Link to the video.

Bottom line is really that Mathieu Sommet is a smarmy, condescending, holier-than-thou opportunist. He rubbed elbows with people that made him popular and got him that sweet youtube money. Also a supporter of totally-not-a-communist French elections candidate Jean-Luc Mélanchon and a regular Trump basher-- You know. The regular.

I will probably have more to say about him but he can pretty much be summed up by this: he's a huge disappointment.

Twitter: @Mathieu_Sommet
Youtube: /SalutLesGeeks

Spoiler: here's a little surprise to reward you for reading though this spergy novella about some dumb french youtube dramaking

He's at the center of some saucy yaoi shipping between him and another youtuber, Antoine Daniel.

give us raptor and the other guy too please!

Alright, kids, attach your seat belts for this is going to be one hell of a ride.

Henna Makkonen / Asperger / Asperger-Henna

This borderline psychotic, probably narcissistic, and possibly exceptional sanctimonious abomination of a woman discovered internet at the age of 16 according to her own words. Her victims sure as hell wish she never hadn't. She has had several blogs at least since the late 2000s, and is best known for stalking complete strangers she has met either online or IRL, fantasizing (sometimes sexually) about them and their family members, and writing about them using their full names on her blog and in several online communities. She seems to feel no shame at all, and throws herself into psychotic rage whenever criticized only to snap out of it several days later and start begging for forgiveness and pity from others.

And beg she does, oh boy. She uses her several health problems both as an excuse for her behavior as well as a way to fish for sympathy. These conditions include Asperger's syndrome (which she probably doesn't have despite literally calling herself that a couple years ago), "mild" Down's (totally made up), "mild" Leukaemia (nope), and, most recently, a heart attack (probably fake but wouldn't be surprising based on her lifestyle). She rarely does this with the illnesses she actually has (psychotic symptoms and diabetes type II) mainly because those don't earn you sympathy points. She has also tried (and apparently succeeded a couple of times) to use her poor health as an excuse in order to avoid being prosecuted when the police have contacted her due to the harassment.

That's right, she has been contacted by the police several times over the years when her victims have tried to put an end to her harassment. She got a restraining order against one of her victims after harassing her workplace, making false criminal accusations of her, and threatening to burn down her house. Her excuse for her behavior was that she was angry.

Spoiler: :cryblood:

In the past she has had an obsession with babies, kittens, and rodents and has harassed victims with small children and insisted they let her hold their babies. Chimped out when she was (very fortunately) told no. Has adopted several kittens and other small animals, allegedly some of them have died in her hands, but the most recent ones have been saved by her relatives. Currently she has no pets, but she has adopted kittens impulsively in the past only to ditch them when they stopped being cute, so it's only a matter of time.

Currently she has been messaging local politicians and frequenting Mormon meetings in order to steal their food. (As you can see she weighs at least 140 kg, possibly more, and continues to gorge on junk food despite having diabetes.) She has also developed an obsessive, creepy crush at a man she met at the meetings, and is now mad at his wife for "not letting the two of them be together". In reality the man is probably afraid of her, since she is twice his size and could easily crush him during one of her tantrums. She even wrote a poem about his penis on her blog. She claims to be a Christian and frequently posts Bible verses, too, but seems to forget about the one that says "Thou shalt not covet." On top of that she's homophobic even though she has written homosexual fantasies of the women she has stalked, and some of them are incredibly disturbing, including a story about relieving a woman of her breast liquid (thanks, word filter) (one of her victims whose real name was mentioned in the story) and then feeding her tard cum to various farm animals.

She has been in a mental institution in the past, and it's a complete mystery why they won't take her back in.
This thread about her (that she most likely started herself) has over a hundred pages and counting.

it's the female Lucas Werner!

 

[Infidel]

give us raptor and the other guy too please!

Raptor isn't cow-worthy, he's just an angry ranter as far as I'm concerned, and I frankly couldn't give enough fucks about Masculin-Singulier to have the incentive to dig shit up on him despite the fact that I can smell it from afar.
If any other french-speaking kiwis wanna get on that pony, though...

 

[cuddle striker]

Raptor isn't cow-worthy, he's just an angry ranter as far as I'm concerned, and I frankly couldn't give enough fucks about Masculin-Singulier to have the incentive to dig shit up on him despite the fact that I can smell it from afar.
If any other french-speaking kiwis wanna get on that pony, though...

i understand just enough French to feel interested. any more you get the energy for, would be great. even just the one is hilarious.

 

[Henry Wyatt]

Shit wrong thread please delet

 

[autista]

The vast majority of lolcows tend to hail from the US or other English-speaking countries. However, I've come across a few that, were they to primarily operate in the English language, would definitely be deserving of their own thread here.

These are just the first two that come to mind, though I'm sure there are more. As always, feel free to add your own international lolcows.

I'm a long-time lurker, first time poster, so tell me if my post is missing anything/not formatted correctly/etc.

1. Paulo Kogos: a rich* Brazilian Ancap-Monarchist-Deus-Vult- Conservative (????) dwarf

*due to his family, as we all know, lolcows don't have actual jobs

Kogos primarily operates on YouTube, where he posts videos of himself sperging out over various topics. Sometimes they are topics that are in the news in Brazil (where he lives), such as the recent controversy over a "queer art" exhibit sponsored by Santander Bank (there were lolcows on both sides of this debate, as Brazilian SJWs are quite similar to their American counterparts and don't see the irony or stupidity in claiming that an art exhibit sponsored by a fucking bank is "liberating," "empowering," and "anti-capitalist").

"Santander Bank's satanic exposition" (YouTube allows you to translate videos with the CC/subtitles, so that's available if anyone's interested)

In typical lolcow fashion, he has a Patreon-type account, where people can give him money so he can continue to sperg out on YouTube while living off of his family's money.

https://apoia.se/paulokogos

https://ibb.co/nNBuDk

"Conservative libertarianism with Paulo Kogos. Intellectual anti-intellectualism, political anti-politics, for the return of Natural Law"

Here he is having some type of spergout while singing the Internationale

FB Link: https://www.facebook.com/paulo.kogos

2. Cristiano Alves

Cristiano Alves is a Brazilian russophile who lives in Russia (he works as some type of translator there apparently) and LARPs as a Soviet-era soldier. While on the surface, he may appear to be some type of communist, however, his homphobia/autistic hatred for gay people makes him disliked by the majority of communists.

FB Link: https://www.facebook.com/apaginavermelha/

He is the admin of "A Pagina Vermelha" (The Red Page), where he regularly posts about his interpretation of communism (which in reality is more aligned with the "4th Political Theory" of Russian theorist Alexandr Dugin than traditional Marxist-Leninism--4TP is a goldmine of lolcows). Again, FB allows for you to translate the posts so anyone who's interested in reading this dude's spergy rants can do that.

He also has a YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLJbIHRGW5aCJGTLJj9iuSw

 

[GS 281]

1. Paulo Kogos: think Chris-Chan, but if Chris were a rich* Brazilian Ancap-Monarchist-Deus-Vult- Conservative (????) dwarf

You need permission to halal @AN/ALR56

 

[autista]

I just edited the Chris part out...is there anything else I need to do?