Your personal nightmare pizza -

[hotcheetospuffs]

I would not want to eat a cum pizza.

In college our friend didn't like his roommate so he opened up one of his frozen pizzas, jacked off on it, and then carefully rewrapped it and glued the box shut. The roommate ate it and didn't notice.

While I'm here my nightmare pizza would be square, with an underbaked whole-wheat crust, onions, ham, and no cheese.

Tuna banana pizza is a thing.

 

[shitpuppy]

anything with sea cockroaches

 

[Nonconsentual Pronouns]

I knew some fatty who swore by dumping a mixture of sauce, "toppings" and cheese into an actual pre-made pie crust from the frozen section. I know, a fatty who can't cook and has no taste, I'm sure you're just as shocked and aghast as I was.

sauce: 1 part Prego or ketchup, 1 part ranch, 2 parts mayo
toppings: un-drained canned tuna, roughly-cut hot dogs, processed thin-sliced deli ham, finger-torn chicken nuggers, plus any other processed meat products you may have laying around
cheese "top crust": thick layer of cheese spray neatly hidden under a generous layer of Kraft Singles

This retard tried much harder than what is socially acceptable to get me to try this reeking monstrosity and slipped a copy of the "recipe" into my purse at some point during the visit. I've listed the recipe as a combination of what I was given and what horrors I witnessed. I even remember the oddly-angular handwriting and passive-aggressive note at the bottom telling me to "take a peek out from under [my] rock".

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

A pizza with ketchup.

Pizza with next to no sauce.

 

[Rice Is Ready]

Spiders and spider eggs

 

[The 3rd Hooligan]

Fish just fish in general esp. Achovies

 

[la mort]

In college our friend didn't like his roommate so he opened up one of his frozen pizzas, jacked off on it, and then carefully rewrapped it and glued the box shut. The roommate ate it and didn't notice.

WTF DID I JUST READ?

 

[MAPK phosphatase]

I'd really hate to eat a pizza topped with copious amounts of heavy metals like mercury and lead.

 

[Tookie]

This fresh hell just landed in my inbox.

 

[Massa's Little Buckie]

I don't like sweet stuff on pizza. I don't like ham on it either.
Fish/seafood don't go on pizza.

I once bought this pizza for 5 bucks at a traffic light and the sauce tasted like wet dirt.

 

[Absolute Brainlet]

If you enjoy pizza with pineapple,
I hope your feeble neck goes snapple

 

[soft breathing]

Fish/Seafood is really the only no-go for me on pizza.
But I don't eat that stuff in general, so there's that.

I'd give Banana pizza a try honestly, sounds disgusting but why not.

BTW if you have elitist Italian friends and want to trigger them - send them this.

 

[Papa Adolfo's Take'n'Bake]

I saw a pizza with fried pickles on the menu at some shithole in Cincinnati. I immediately walked out.

 

[K. V. Bones]

Any pizza a troon says is good. You ever seen some of those things? It's like mixed grass on top of barely crushed tomatoes with spinach and kale chips as the only selection for sides.

 

[ScamL Likely]

Literal 7/11 pizza with nothing changed about it but it's marketed as a gourmet dish at a 3 Michelin star restaurant.

 

[Mr. Skeltal]

Normally I'd say pineapple, but if prepared correctly it can be... tolerable.

How about this: a California style pizza (read: thin, extra crisp crust) with pesto white sauce, a light sprinkling of four cheese (cheddar, colby, mozzerella, and provolone) blend topped with olives, arugala, pineapple, dates, clams, and sun-dried tomatoes with a drizzle of balsamic vinegar.
I've never eaten any pizza as vile as that hypothetical, but I've had ordinary pizza that's ranked below gas station pizza and Little Caesar's. It's astonishing how someone can fuck up something as simple as a pepperoni pizza.

 

[AbyssStarer]

Just to say one that exists:
Papa John's overloads their gross, sloppy pies with toppings, and they have one covered with nasty "Italian" sausage and olives. If you try and take the toppings off then you might as well just be eating a soggy slab of dough.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

This fresh hell just landed in my inbox.

View attachment 1059974

Is it bad that I think that looks kind of good?

 

[GeorgiaGuidestones]

I once had a friend who would order a plain pizza and add imitation crab meat after it was delivered. That person is no longer my friend..

 

[Spastic Colon]

Anchovies, black olives, capers, white sauce, blue cheese, slimy canned mushrooms, pineapple.