You're the top adviser to the villain of the last video game you played, book you read, or movie/TV show you watched. How do you help him win? -

[MAPK phosphatase]

• You exist as you are, no special abilities or powers, just your knowledge of the genre and source material. If there's an in-universe means of gaining other-worldly power it must be 100% effective in-universe or else on you it is 100% ineffective.
• If the villain speaks a different language then he is fluent in your language but only when speaking with you. He freely translates for you and never gets annoyed with a translation request or attempts to learn his language.
• The villain trusts you quite a bit, but not unquestioningly. If you recommend something insane (in his eyes) he will call you out for it. Being able to explain yourself will go a long way. Too many mistakes and you will loose his trust.
• Helping the villain win means you either get to go home, or he will grant you one big request within his power and within his personality. In universe means of gaining supernatural powers work on you after you help the villain win.
• You're allowed to bring a small notebook, but nothing else. Your clothing changes to that fitting of the villain's top adviser.
• If the villain wins in the original story, you are the adviser/friend of the hero and you need to help the hero win.

All that considered, how do you help the villain win?

 

[Remove Goat]

Point out to Unicron that Transformers are gay and they'll kill themselves soon enough, Matrix or no.

 

[Bunny Tracks]

Attack on Titan.

Kingdom of Marley, just fucking bomb the Paradisers. You have planes, and blimps. You can make explosives. The walls basically act as targets and make the island one big dartboard. Don't waste your fucking time, energy, resources, and manpower on parachuting troops into fight against giant, sentient kaiju.

As for how to help Zeke defeat Eren? I don't fucking know at this point given the fact that Eren should already be dead after getting decapitated by a twelve year old nazi with a shotgun, but instead he's basically time-traveling and hanging out in the void with Zeke. I would say poison him, or get him sick or something, but it's a little too late for that.

 

[Mediocre]

Tell Dexter that getting a job as a lumberjack is really going to tank the ratings of the finale.

 

[Franjevina]

Well the last game i played was Shadow of Mordor ( yeah i'm kinda late on that one ) ,

So i would just say to Sauron - kill all short people ... no short people - no hobbits - no hobbits no Frodo - no Frodo no Sauron defeated = win .

 

[a feel]

Jack Reacher novels:

Just kill that dude, seriously. Just. Fucking. Kill. Him.

 

[Violence Jack]

I'm the 'badass' shin-kicking pencil hoarding shadowy advisor to Caesar from Caesar's Legion of Fallout: New Vegas infamy. My knowledge of old world history and Hegelian Dialectics means I easily gain his interest, but also his suspicion. My lack of physicality and martial prowess allows me to secure a comfortable position away from the cannon fodder, but i am distrusted by older more proven soldiers.

I kindly but unassumingly begin to throw out "prophecies" to test Caesar's willingness to take things my words on faith. Some of the events I 'predict' end up coming true much to Caesar's surprise. I tell him the positions of NCR Soldiers and when to hit them. Weaknesses in their bases prime for espionage.

Then I tell him about a vision of an ICBM deep within the dangerous hellstorm blighted Divide. His interest becomes piqued when i mention a rogue frumentarii of his having arrived there first. Sending a squad of his finest legion scouts... they don't return. but He doesn't become dishearted. I whisper in his ear about a person risen from a shallow grave in a humble town.

I explain that immutably, that person will find their way to our camp. Caesar chuckles slightly, but then realizes the meaning behind my words. The bunker. That's the only reason why they would come to the Legion camp. Caesar makes arrangements. I give advice on how to get the courier on our side. Hunt down the rogue and secure the ICBM and you will be rewarded beyond measure (for some reason the strip takes legion currency). Not only will the mail carrier get closure and revenge, but Caesar will acquire a loaded gun ready to be aimed at the heart of the bear whenever he wills it. An ace in the hole if you will.

Unfortunately, Caesar refuses this plan. His reasoning he wants his Legion to champion the day. Not old-world tech. He wants a clean slate. A new army for a new world. I regretfully agree. To placate him I tell him about a ranger currently feeding his comrades fake information. When he learns said ranger is Chief Hanlon Caesar quickly relinquishes a devious smirk. I continue giving him written down positions of the ranger radio stations and have him sack them in the dead of night. We cripple the NCR overnight. Without communication, they are left in the dark.

I mention to Caesar that having the stations still active would be a greater way to further break the NCR forces. We begin a campaign of misinformation slowly guiding platoons of soldiers into Legion kill zones. Disseminating the forces before they have a chance to figure out what's happening. Without the NCR's communication and lack of cohesion we're able to greatly control the tide of the war.

 

[Takodachi]

uhm... Who's the villain during the Roman civil war? Pompey, Cassius, Brutus, Cicero, Caesar?

IF Caesar
I'd leave subtle hints around Caesar about his assassination. Like dates, time and location of senate meetings so he can spy on them and discover the plot.

IF the Senate is the villain
I'd warn Pompeius about the spear infantry Caesar hides behind his cavalry during the battle of Pharsalus, since thats the reason his entire army got fucked. Pompey's 7k cavalry getting fucked by only 3 thousand soldiers was demoralizing, not to mention the 3k archers and 1k slinger they massacred after they broke the cavalry line.

 

[edboy]

Jason chops my head off before I even utter a word

 

[Autocrat]

>Advisor to a family of human killing alligators

I'd pretend to be a rescue skiff during the hurricane, and lead people to their death

 

[I should be working]

"Okay, look, mr. Koopa. She ain't worth it. I mean you have your own kingdom, you're a 9 foot tall dragon turtle and, if everything's proportianal, you have the biggest dick in the whole kingdom.

So please, just install the app, start swiping, and stop doing... this.

Also, a clown airship? Really!?"

 

[Gym Leader Elesa]

Fuck me instead, Nyrissa. The Stolen Lands aren't worth it.

 

[TheghostofAlfred]

Dont fucking drive the city of london into a wall and fucking use technology that you have no understanding and 1000 years old with little to no knowledge on how to use it.

 

[Spl00gies]

Hey Ganon, your blights might as well have been potatoes for all it took to smash them.

 

[Wooper]

Hey Edlegard I know you're a bit autistic, but 1. maybe you could just change the nobility system & the value of Crests when you are the emperor. 2. if you don't like the Church of Serios then make it apparent the difference between church & state. 3. I don't think we should trust the literal shadow people who can make monsters. 4. I don't think that we should fight the house that recruited everyone at the monastery besides you, Hubert & Claude. After how bad we lost at the Battle of the Eagle & the Lion I don't like our chances. Also, if we do go to war kill Byleth first because they can control fucking time. 5. Finally as a favor to me marry my man Ferdinand Von Aiger while having Dorothea on the side.
We don't need to cause a mass genocide over this.

 

[Clop]

If you want to bring about the plague of light, at the very least make sure that the gates to the Void have more than a locked door to stop the new Vessel from entering. Having mindless drones is fun and all but at least stack them at the door to where an infinite Satan slumbers.

uhm... Who's the villain during the Roman civil war? Pompey, Cassius, Brutus, Cicero, Caesar?

If you believe Caesar wanted to establish a monarchy and you wouldn't support it, the villain's Caesar.
If you believe a republic is a bad form of government, the villain is the Senate.

If you believe that Caesar had no intention to overthrow the republic to form a monarchy, it was all just a tragic misunderstanding and the villain would be the human nature of paranoia.

 

[Black Waltz]

you're doing the ritual wrong, let me try

 

[Oskar Dirlewanger]

Don't inject Chev Chelios with the Chinese Shit.

 

[Princess Peaches]

I guess the villain of Guitar Hero II is the management team that takes all your money. In that case I would charge the band for more fees so they're in debt instead of making any money at all. They're in a soul binding contract so they can't leave--complete slaves to their label as the world's best cover band.

 

[Absolute Brainlet]

>last video game
>Doom 2
"yeah man just put a cyberdemon right at the start of Entryway, there's no way he's making it past"
>last book
>Evgeny Onegin
There's no actual villain, so...
>last movie
>one of those shitty russian criminal thriller films that get put out by the dozens every year that I saw on TV last night
The main villain was this corrupt cop who was pursuing the main character because the latter was (I think) the guy that ratted out all of the former's (also corrupt) co-workers 15 years ago. I guess I'd just help him get revenge.