Wonder if these are related https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/i0dlel/why_i_stepped_down_as_a_moderator_my_story_and/ (A)A lengthy description of the tactics Bardfinn and DrewiePoodle use to take over subreddits and harass women just got posted on Twitter. It's mostly confirmation of what we already suspected, along with another point of evidence that BardFinn has access to a large stash of CP which he uses to get subreddits he doesn't like taken down.
Over the last 3+ years, activists on Reddit have been engaged in a censorship campaign against detransitioners by targeting our main online community, r/detrans. Despite the use of unethical, site rule breaking & sometimes even illegal tactics, Reddit admins do nothing.
In recent months with the banning of large subs like r/GenderCritical and r/The_Donald, ideological discrimination on Reddit has earned widespread outrage. But there is one sub, which quite literally saves lives, that has faced constant assault in silence.
How this subreddit changed my life and why I feel it's an...
So many of you spoke out about how important this sub was, I wish I had the courage you did to post my face and other identifying information but...
According to trans activists, detransitioners can convene so long as we express unequivocal enthusiasm for trans affirmation and the efficacy of medical transition. Only problem is, many detransitioners feel & were objectively harmed by both of these.
And they wonder why more and more detrans people aren't trusting them? I mean, they not only stalked and harassed me among others but the subreddit is once again being accused of being a honeypot and a "need to be repurposed." Yeah, okay. You want trans people controlling detrans
Due to the presence of thought crimes against the trans movement, r/detrans has been labeled a "hate sub" on activist subreddits. Now, "hate speech" policies have forced mods to police users for expressing pain & negativity about the ideology & medical establishment that hurt us.
But this is not only a swarm of ideologues suppressing dissent against trans ideology & medical transition, this harassment has been an organized effort by some of Reddit's most influential trans activist users, extending back before the sub was even created. Let me explain.
The first subreddit for detransitioners was called r/detransition. It was run by a trans woman who experienced regret over her SRS, and made a community to connect with others who felt the same. One day, a post was made on another sub revealing that the mod had committed suicide.
Within a few petty hours of this announcement of her suicide, two moderators of Reddit's largest trans-positive subreddit, r/asktransgender, were installed as the new moderators of r/detransition. How did they know to take control so quickly? Why would they do that?
One user of the sub, jadepraerie, who would go on to found r/detrans after he learned of these events, began noticing all of his posts on the sub were being deleted. He then noticed that *all* posts by detransitioners were being deleted. He posted requesting answers to no avail.
So, who are these people, DrewiePoodle and CedarWolf, who became the new mods of r/detransition and began systematically erasing detransition-related posts from the site? DrewiePoodle, at least, is close to Reddit admin & has been invited to events at HQ to represent LGBT issues.
CedarWolf has not been spotted at such events to my knowledge, but is close friends with DrewiePoodle. Both are close with another character in this story, BardFinn (re: tweet #3), who is an active user of one of the largest activist subreddits, r/AgainstHateSubreddits.
On 7/10/20, r/detrans was banned for ~1hr. Though it was restored (for now), the event sparked despair & confusion in the vulnerable user base of r/detrans, many of whom are in crisis & use the sub as a main source for support, as detransition is a rather destitute experience.
Almost immediately, activist subreddits were flooded with posts celebrating the banning of r/detrans and other "TERF" subreddits, "We did it!".
Once detrans was restored, it was listed as having 0 moderators. BardFinn points this out in a reply to a post on r/AgainstHateSubreddits, and subsequently makes a request to take over the sub, which is allowed on Reddit if a subreddit is considered abandoned.
Reddit claims the ban and removal of mods was an error, and mods were restored. We mods speculate the sub was restored due to pressure thanks to a few big Twitter accounts incl. @AbigailShrier & @jessesingal highlighting the danger of removing support from a vulnerable group.
During and after the ban, one of our mods reached out to Reddit admin for some answers. He explained how mods have been trying to reach out to Reddit admin for years about constant harassment and brigading by trans activists, and his messages have gone ignored.
Brigading, the act of flooding a subreddit with offensive and/or rule breaking content in order to harass users or at worst terminate a sub, is against Reddit's site-wide rules. But when it comes to r/detrans, our reports of this behavior are ignored by the administrators.
Back to BardFinn. Clearly, this individual was involved in the temporary ban of r/detrans and intended to take over the sub after the fact. It is difficult to know exactly how BF was involved, due to the majority of organizing for these purposes being via private Discord servers.
But, we do have a few pieces of evidence of BardFinn's (& aforementioned friends) involvement in efforts to remove various "hate subs" thru dishonest means of infiltration.
First, in the screenshot below BF describes how "a group" uses infiltration to "deplatform the hatred".
What does this mean? Infiltration of this type is conducted by "a group" posting rule breaking or, like I said before, sometimes illegal content to a subreddit, and then reporting the content so the sub gets flagged as housing hateful or illegal content.
Second, we have this video from a previously heavy user of r/AgainstHateSubreddits, the "group" of which BardFinn speaks, who blew the whistle on the illegal tactics the group uses, specifically by posting child pornography to a subreddit.
Here you can see that BardFinn uses the same profile picture on Discord as Reddit, and was in fact the leader of the "group" that the whistleblower attempted to approach about their discomfort with using child pornography to take down subreddits.
We mods have accepted that it is only a matter of time before the likes of BardFinn and DrewiePoodle, two transgender users with extraordinary influence on Reddit (they moderate 60-80 subreddits each, many of them quite large), succeed in taking down our community. (BF on left)
We have also accepted that these people are close with the corrupt Reddit administration, and that both Reddit and the activists who run it have a vested interest in silencing the people who have been brutalized by transgender ideology and medical transition.
But we also don't believe it is right that activists who use child pornography to destroy subreddits they don't like should be able to continue doing so, especially to our subreddit which is politically diverse and centered around experience, without at least some backlash.
Thanks for reading. Credit for this information goes to my lovely fellow mods of r/detrans, who have tirelessly worked after my retirement to preserve this community despite near constant shifting goal posts and harassment.
As I know this post will lead to my ban, I feel that this subreddit's members deserve to know everything. Unlike the mods, I will not be holding back what happened. I will simply refuse to state identities so the post doesn't get flagged for promoting hate. It's almost funny that I'm here after making my statement and sharing why this sub saved my life and why I wanted to moderate in case of other circumstances like my own.. I sure never thought it'd end like this.
One of my original posts, when I was close to taking my own life.
How this subreddit saved my life.
I stepped down as a moderator for this subreddit because I was screenshotted, arguably stalked across Discord. Vents of mine were screenshotted and taken out of context. I also imagine the fact I adapted my language for the sake of the space was also not considered as I used slurs I normally wouldn't use for the comfort of the other members. I proposed I step down to protect the subreddit because I found out that a certain group of radical activists planned to use these screenshots to file a report on the subreddit claiming moderation was corrupt and needed to be handed over to a new team of moderators, despite my approach of neutrality and throwing aside my views for sake of true neutrality and a balanced space that isn't an echo chamber. I was warned by the moderator team that if we go through with this, I will no longer be welcome as I am a documented transphobe.
I am a conversion therapy victim, not what is described now as conversion therapy.. I was physically abused in a facility and manipulated to do things with convincing that the specialists there were helping me. This will not be easy for me, I have to partially numb myself just to be able to write this all out. We'd be here forever if I started from the very beginning, so I'll focus on what led to my transition... and the inevitable detransition.
I will give a disclosure that this is my personal experience and thankfully this isn't the case for most people, if not almost all now. I also recognize that transition does indeed work for some people as I've mentioned numerous times in my posting history... I am a victim of trauma, not everyone trans is.
A room that was practically a glorified prison cell at least that's what it felt like, with very minimal outside contact. The way these rooms were in this building, no patient was really near another unless brought together in other rooms. Someone would come in to give the basic human needs of food and water... When I first arrived I'd try to make conversation and just be ignored, no eye contact even. So what was I put in for? Losing control of my anger and attacking my step sister in a black-out rage, I still have no recollection of what happened only that a traumatic event caused me to black out and my step sister was the one who pushed me over the edge.
When I was first brought in they seemed confused about the fact I looked like a child but was a teenager. I was prepared to get blood drawn, not knowing for what. All the tests couldn't be done at once due to how easily I lost blood and how sickly I was but to ask me how much time? I couldn't tell you, I easily lost track of time in that building and that is where talking about this begins to get difficult, especially with the fact I slept more then the average person as a kid.
It was after these tests that I spent a lot of time in that room, until finally a man would walk into my room and escort me to what would seem like an office. He'd ask me questions on the first day, about why I thought I was here and then would pry into my interests and feelings. At first it seemed harmless and just was a means of letting me talk. The first session would end and I'd be escorted back to my room. From then on, sessions would become worse.
I would be questioned specifically on what I told him previously, why I had certain interests and if I'd prefer the opposite and more feminine accepted one instead. Anytime I answered no or any sort of I like being the way I am, he'd loudly ask again and start to scare me. I would start to hesitate with each time I was interrupted or startled when I would say no but where it got truly bad was when he talked about my sexual orientation. I was questioned on whether I liked girls, I reluctantly answered yes and he would ask me again but louder.. I'd keep saying it shameful and then after enough times repeating he'd ask me again... I'd say yes, and he'd hit me. Then he would tell me that I don't, and I like boys. I'd cower every time he got close to me but I would start to avoid any of his direct questions, dodging the question basically. He didn't appreciate this and would start hitting me anyways and tell me to answer the question. I'd cry and tell him I like girls... The session would end.
We'd have more and more sessions where he became more aggressive, to the point I'd have panic attacks and need rushed to medical care because I'd start coughing up large amounts of blood out of fear. He'd scream at me if I didn't answer him in a timely manner, sometimes hit me too, I had to answer. Most the time it'd be about my sexuality, other times it'd be about my interests. I'd be ridiculed and shamed for not being a normal girl and it even started to make me doubt whether I was actually meant to be a girl. The start of my apparent gender confusion, I was being hurt anytime I told this man I liked girls... I was being hurt anytime I said an interest that was a "boy" interest. There was what felt like a pause between our sessions and it scared me, when he finally showed up again I'd reluctantly go with him.. feeling ashamed and confused.
Unfortunately I have to omit this next part, I relive it the most through my reoccurring nightmares.. it's too painful to speak, much less write and even thinking it is setting off so much. it was the next step up... It led to me being deathly afraid of this man and he'd seize me in the room I was resigned to and drag me to a particular room. By my hair, arm, or leg.. whatever he could grab first he would use that to pull me against my will no matter how much I screamed for help, sometimes stopping to hit me to make me stop screaming. I developed a fear of visible currents.. to this day I still can't see sparks, or visible currents of electricity without having a severe panic attack. He'd grab me by my hair the most, which led to the current fear I have of having a hand on the nape of my neck too long. I cursed it, I cursed myself every day. I wanted to be normal but no matter how much worse things got I couldn't answer I was attracted to boys.
These sessions went on the longest and were what started to break me, but after awhile things seemed to regress and I got to the point I would stutter and hesitate to answer questions out of fear. I'd start to be talked to calmly that maybe this treatment in trying to correct my mind, that I clearly wasn't like other girls and maybe not even a girl. This started to get in my head, especially as sessions continued and constantly I'd be pitied.. for my lashing out being a response of perhaps having the wrong body. This was when they started to put it in my head that I was a boy. Something I questioned myself due to the fact I was alone, often outcasted and just so different from other girls.. even my own mother practically abandoned me because I couldn't be her ideal daughter.
The whole idea was ridiculous, so ridiculous that I would deny these feelings in hesitance and said I was obviously a girl. The sessions twisted to a point where the man would claim that he didn't believe I was, that clearly something was wrong with me and I needed help. Those words would haunt me until the moment he'd talk with me in my room... "Something is wrong with you and I want to help you." He'd even bring up my anger, saying I was clearly suppressing frustration at being this way. The same man who was hurting me, seemed apologetic with that statement. A talk would happen between us, that he started to vocalize I wasn't a girl and that's why I still looked like a child. Something clearly was keeping me this way, probably for my own good... It would also explain the interests and liking girls. If I could get pregnant then I was without a doubt female. It was crazy but he said if I really wanted to prove I was a girl then we could test the idea. If I succeeded costs would be covered and I could leave if I wanted as there'd be no need to argue this anymore.
I was desperate and in a panic, I agreed mostly on the terms of being released and knowing that my body was that of a girl's although thoughts crawled in my mind with doubt, reminding me of how different I was. The fact I didn't develop like other girls, was I really a girl? Of course I was... at least I thought.
I was taken to a room with another patient, a male one who looked like a young man. He and I would have sex together, that was the idea. Neither of us really wanted to do this, we couldn't get into this especially me but I forced myself to go through with it anyways. He was clearly uncomfortable with the fact I looked like a child but he was assured of my age. It was painful, what would you expect from a girl born with vagina agenesis? Even with a guy who was on the smaller end... It was messy in regards to my blood loss, no matter how hard we tried it just wouldn't work and it would always result in a bloody mess... if it got too bad, I'd be rushed out. We got to the point we wanted to stop but he'd force us to continue for the next sessions, we had sex a lot... and it always ended in me bleeding, screaming and crying.
Eventually it came to test if I were pregnant and when it came back as negative, I felt like I had no idea who I was anymore. He comforted me, telling me that he suspected this and was sorry to put me through such a painful experience but we had to be certain. It was then that the solution to all my problems became clear, he could fix me. That I'd undergo hormone treatment to make my body match my mind. At this point I just felt damaged, flawed and like I would never fit in, be anything. I wanted to stop being lonely, I wanted to be normal and if I couldn't be a girl, then maybe I could be a boy or a man? It seemed I was more like one and I always fit in better with the guys when they weren't trying to look at me like a girl.
With the treatment beginning and the start of using testosterone cypionate by intra-muscular and I felt like my body was steadily becoming stronger, healthier and with that my body started to feel.. normal, much different from the constant misery I felt. The changes in my body led to feelings of pride and satisfaction as I became further and further from that image I grew to resent, that weak sickly child was becoming a man. I no longer was having the issues with coughing up blood either, my heart raced a bit more but I felt amazing. As my mental state seemed to improve, I saw this treatment as necessary.. as life saving even. It was necessary abuse to find what was wrong with me and I was grateful to the facility for fixing me. I'd be released and taken back in by my parents who were very open about my transition and very supporting, my father even wanted to help pay for my surgeries to fully become a man. Obviously I used the letter from the facility with another doctor to get my prescription started and treatment continuing which I eagerly did.
Once learning I could bind my chest to make my chest appear flatter, I felt on top of the world anytime I looked at myself in the mirror with clothes on. The pleasure and satisfaction would fade though, as I realized with time I was progressively losing myself. I became obsessive with changing my appearance and behavior to be more manly which involved going into strength building, expressing toxicity toward those who were weak looking and demeaning them. Treating girls like they were lesser, objects and adopted the standard that girls had to be feminine, that's why I was becoming a man because I was broken and that treatment helped me. I'd even get in fights and still be exposed to the fact I was weaker then these guys who didn't work out as much as I did.. Starting to curse my size and the fact I didn't do this sooner. I grew more angry and felt more like a failure.
It was when I started to realize that I became something completely unrecognizable, not just in my appearance but who I was as a person was far different and my supportive parents got rid of any photos and videos of my being a little girl by my request. Questions rolled in my head, no answers to be found. I started to grow increasingly reserved and uncomfortable, realizing I changed myself.. realizing how eerily familiar this was. Was I really broken? Was this necessary? My doubts started to pour in and I wasn't any better off either, I was still for the most part friend-less and alone.. just for a different reason. It was the same problem, I just looked different and I changed myself for essentially no reason. That's what it started to feel like. I began to stop binding, no longer feeling that satisfaction of a flat chest but rather disgust at the scars left across my chest and what I did to my body. I started to realize the physical pain having an even larger clitoris was causing me as well... having to change what I wear and trying to be careful to avoid rubbing.
Over two years later I stopped seeing my doctor and threw out the rest of my testosterone, being viciously questioned by my father I told him that I didn't feel right doing this anymore. I didn't know what was going on, I wanted to stop. I was met with resistance and progressively my confidence and attire started to fade. Hoodies, hiding my body in shame and growing my hair back out. Dealing with facial hair I once felt happy about and now.. resented. What did I change myself for exactly? My mother would ask me if I was alright, she didn't even know how to refer to me anymore as I fell into androgyny. I didn't know either, I felt like a freak. My father would demean me and tell me that I could never go back to being a girl, telling me that I looked like a man and would just be seen as a freak. I already was a freak, so that didn't matter to me.. Arguing with my father grew more and more tiring. Especially as his insults grew more and more cruel.
I lost sight of who I was, navigating a world in a body that no longer felt like my own. Got myself involved with all sorts of groups to try and navigate my confusing feelings but nothing helped. I started to long to go back, wishing I'd never done this and that I was lied to... I became more of a mess, managing to get money for laser hair removal and zapping away the majority of my facial hair. I carried on in this miserable state of androgyny for a long time, never correcting anyone or expecting anyone to change how they talk for my sake. Eventually as I started to get read as a woman again I forced myself to be excessively feminine, hating it just as much and finding similar discomfort... questioning my feelings and my pain, what I did to my body and whether it was worth it.
I know this will be my last post here. This was very hard to type but I've been hesitant to share my experience for the longest time. There are aspects that I omitted as they don't have too much to do with my transition, or detransition but rather why I regret my transition. I don't expect any of what I wrote to be believed, rather I expect the opposite. I know my life is unbelievable and the experience that turned me into the person I am today.
Sorry mods, I didn't want to do this but I feel that if my name is going to be covered with a horrible lie and you can't be open about the situation then the source itself can speak. I accept my ban for violating our agreement.