Favorite vintage cow? -

Purpleshells

kiwifarms.net
DakariKingMykan who took shipping more seriously than Yaoi fangirls to the point he legit became depressed over his favorite ships not being canon and when the episode "Things Change" aired as the season 5 finale for Teen Titans, Mykan got so mad that he denounced love, friendship, and socialization because fictional cartoon characters won't date each other. He then spent many years of his life writing fanfiction about it where Beast Boy became evil over being rejected by becoming a Count Bleck ripoff, and made an entire youtube series about Beast Boy singing songs because of how he got rejected. Mykan also wrote stories trying to show how love and friendship are evil yet unintentionally has them be the reason why the characters win because Mykan thinks self sacrifice is bad. He also hatewatched My Little Pony to write fanfictions denouncing the show where friendship was used to solve problems in a story where it was supposed to show how friendship is bad, and he's likely a brony now but in denial since he is more involved with MLP than even casual fans.

Outside of his shipping/fanfiction escapades, Mykan literally believes he is the greatest actor/singer of all time that the only reason that he was not hired was because he was not discovered by a talent agent yet as though getting hired in fiction is the same as real life. Mykan also has a crush for Tara Strong that he made a love song for her, and he is also a SJW Trump sperg just like Tara is now.
Sorry I know this is late, I haven’t been on much the past 2 months but I used to be close friends with him lol.
 

Syaoran Li

Branson's Most Wanted
kiwifarms.net
Usagi Kou was a classic lolcow from back in the old days, in many ways she was to Sailor Moon cosplay what "Classic" ADF was to Naruto cosplay, except somewhat reversed.

Phil was a fat white guy pretending to be Latina, while Usagi Kou was an anorexic Latina pretending to be a white girl. Both were insufferable drama magnets and had a long period of dormancy but both have since re-emerged. Phil got involved in the whole Antifa nonsense while Usagi Kou practices self-harm and is in a very intense relationship with a teenage boy even though she's almost forty.
 

The Ghost of ODB

Actually not a TERF
Supervisor
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Usagi Kou was a classic lolcow from back in the old days, in many ways she was to Sailor Moon cosplay what "Classic" ADF was to Naruto cosplay, except somewhat reversed.

Phil was a fat white guy pretending to be Latina, while Usagi Kou was an anorexic Latina pretending to be a white girl. Both were insufferable drama magnets and had a long period of dormancy but both have since re-emerged. Phil got involved in the whole Antifa nonsense while Usagi Kou practices self-harm and is in a very intense relationship with a teenage boy even though she's almost forty.
Usa is still quite the cow. And now she's an anachan!

Edit: Or she was, until she got in a relationship with the younger dude (gee) who pays for everything (gee) and I guess she's gained some weight back. Also apparently this is how she dresses for work?

755392
 
Last edited:

UnclePhil

Getting older in a changing, frightening world.
kiwifarms.net
I used to lurk on Portal of Evil, proto-KF, when it still existed. Off the top of my head:

DragonGuyver - Fat, self-incriminating Livejournaler with a veritable rabbit hole of problems.
Imari Stevenson/Veon Prism - Would post ideas for extremely generic JRPGs on his free webspace, expecting calls from The Big Three any day.
Alyssa(?)/Alyssa's Cosplay - Started out modeling in cosplay outfits around age 14 with her creepy-ass dad allegedly behind the camera. When legally aged, she started an amateur softcore (at best)/non-nude PAID modeling site. Had a butterface.

EDIT: A few more. Some of these might not have counted as lolcows, but they were anomalies in their own right.
  • VenomfangX - A hardcore YouTube Christian, and a caricature of what atheists think all Christians are: smug, smarmy, and condescending. FangX was also stupid, a flaw that proved his downfall when he got into an online cage match with thunderf00t. False DMCA claim and legal drama later, VenomfangX got banished from YouTube under threat of litigation and thunderf00t's euphoric followers gave him asspats.
  • Professor Puberty - During my earliest days online, 12-13 and going through that thing, I made frequent stops at this guy's page. The worst kind of troll, he posed as a medical professional and lured kids into e-mailing sexual health questions. The 'Professor' then responded with terrible, self-esteem destroying advice. His page was an eyesore even in 1996.
  • Thomas Carder/Childcare Action Project/CAPalert Guy - A Texas evangelist and foster parent who reviewed and rated movies based on a number-crunching morality system he invented. He hated everything he saw, and he was defensive and proud of his algorothim to the point of of weapons-grade, unadulterated autism. He also begged for donations as he tried to make CAPalert his full-time job. Alas, Childcare Action Project has not been updated since 2012.
And lest we forget:

Westboro Baptist Church/Fred Phelps/God Hates Fags - Were they a misunderstood family crusade or the most epic trolls in American history? Their site was Web 1.0 Unobtanium.
 
Last edited:

javeyravey

kiwifarms.net
I used to lurk on Portal of Evil, proto-KF, when it still existed. Off the top of my head:

DragonGuyver - Fat, self-incriminating Livejournaler with a veritable rabbit hole of problems.
Imari Stevenson/Veon Prism - Would post ideas for extremely generic JRPGs on his free webspace, expecting calls from The Big Three any day.
Alyssa(?)/Alyssa's Cosplay - Started out modeling in cosplay outfits around age 14 with her creepy-ass dad allegedly behind the camera. When legally aged, she started an amateur softcore (at best)/non-nude PAID modeling site. Had a butterface.

EDIT: A few more. Some of these might not have counted as lolcows, but they were anomalies in their own right.
  • VenomfangX - A hardcore YouTube Christian, and a caricature of what atheists think all Christians are: smug, smarmy, and condescending. FangX was also stupid, a flaw that proved his downfall when he got into an online cage match with thunderf00t. False DMCA claim and legal drama later, VenomfangX got banished from YouTube under threat of litigation and thunderf00t's euphoric followers gave him asspats.
  • Professor Puberty - During my earliest days online, 12-13 and going through that thing, I made frequent stops at this guy's page. The worst kind of troll, he posed as a medical professional and lured kids into e-mailing sexual health questions. The 'Professor' then responded with terrible, self-esteem destroying advice. His page was an eyesore even in 1996.
  • Thomas Carder/Childcare Action Project/CAPalert Guy - A Texas evangelist and foster parent who reviewed and rated movies based on a number-crunching morality system he invented. He hated everything he saw, and he was defensive and proud of his algorothim to the point of of weapons-grade, unadulterated autism. He also begged for donations as he tried to make CAPalert his full-time job. Alas, Childcare Action Project has not been updated since 2012.
And lest we forget:

Westboro Baptist Church/Fred Phelps/God Hates Fags - Were they a misunderstood family crusade or the most epic trolls in American history? Their site was Web 1.0 Unobtanium.
>Portal of evil

Kind of unrelated to the subject matter of the thread which is discussing old cows but how the fuck did you people find so many interesting websites back in the day?

I only know about the usual suspects, Youtube, Twitter, Newgrounds, and the like.
 
I used to love PoE. Jennifer Diane Reitz has already been mentioned as a favorite from those days. I was a big fan of WinterRose too. She was an obese growth-stunted American womanchild in her 40s who claimed to be an ~Irish Faerie Sidhe~ and married some poor skinny sadsack about 15 yrs her junior. She Capitalized Every Single Word She Wrote On Her LiveJournal.
 

Yaoi Huntress Earth

My avatar is problematic.
kiwifarms.net
DakariKingMykan who took shipping more seriously than Yaoi fangirls to the point he legit became depressed over his favorite ships not being canon and when the episode "Things Change" aired as the season 5 finale for Teen Titans, Mykan got so mad that he denounced love, friendship, and socialization because fictional cartoon characters won't date each other. He then spent many years of his life writing fanfiction about it where Beast Boy became evil over being rejected by becoming a Count Bleck ripoff, and made an entire youtube series about Beast Boy singing songs because of how he got rejected. Mykan also wrote stories trying to show how love and friendship are evil yet unintentionally has them be the reason why the characters win because Mykan thinks self sacrifice is bad. He also hatewatched My Little Pony to write fanfictions denouncing the show where friendship was used to solve problems in a story where it was supposed to show how friendship is bad, and he's likely a brony now but in denial since he is more involved with MLP than even casual fans.

Outside of his shipping/fanfiction escapades, Mykan literally believes he is the greatest actor/singer of all time that the only reason that he was not hired was because he was not discovered by a talent agent yet as though getting hired in fiction is the same as real life. Mykan also has a crush for Tara Strong that he made a love song for her, and he is also a SJW Trump sperg just like Tara is now.
If asked why he doesn't compete in any contests, do auditions, etc, he makes excuses of not being able to get a ride and such.

My first lolcow and an oldie but goodie.

Anyone remember Jennifer Diane Reitz?

View attachment 662855

TL;DR:
An extremely early example of the stock "internet tranny" archetype with all their (terrible) media coloured by the political debates of the 90's and 2000's.
Snagged and runs the domain "Transsexual.org". Another example of a mainstream (for the time) tranny site giving horrible information (and the answers to the mandatory pre cockchop psyche test)

Currently writes MLP fanfiction under the name "chatoyance"
And the comics she created were a confusing mess as well.

One of my favorite vintage lolcows is an ex-politican named Tom Alciere. Whose hateboner for cops not only ruined his career, but caused the rest of the libertarian party to divorce themselves from him. But it's when you get to his writings that you see a real nutcase of a man with entitlement issues towards women, messed up views, and even tried to set up a church of libertarianism. He stopped after 2008 though.
 

Big Nasty

Unfettered scum
kiwifarms.net
Alex "Dink" Cain and Richard Bullis, two infamous Usenet kooks. Dink was a wrestling fanboy and Bullis was a pervert, I think.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Syaoran Li

Maggots on a Train v2

new and improved account
kiwifarms.net
Kim Keister, exceptional crazy doglover and obsessive stalker of many people over many years. Last I heard she got busted impersonating animal control officers and a bunch of them took her to court over it. No idea what she's doing now, but whatever it is I'm sure it's either stupid, stupid and malicious, or very very stupid indeed.

ED's got a pretty good overview. https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Kimberleigh_Ann_Keister

Edit: Apparently her town in California burned down. :(
Speak of the devil and he will appear. It looks like she's been calling 911 over internet butthurt again.

I'm going to copy and paste this text because its too bulky for screenshots.
First, I found the whine. She was most recently sucking up to a Lion King fanfic comic maker.
ZiraLionKingFan May 4, 2019
Such great siblings, your comics are the greatest and you are the greatest because you such a nice person.
ZiraLionKingFan May 6, 2019
You are welcome, I have notice the other Lion King comic artist are straight out rude, mean and nasty towards their fans. I don’t get their fan why they still follow and admire someone that is just mean. I don’t understand, yeah they are great comic maker and have great art... but they are nasty towards their fans. You are super nice to all your fan,s. Because your personality it makes your LK comics beautiful.
ZiraLionKingFan May 12, 2019
I came across a TLK comic artist named Valerie that makes the comic The Golden Rule. Because she didn’t agree with me on somethings. Like I assumed Kovu and Kiara(they died in he comic)may not approve their daughter that is queen being a lesbian. Especially after their son and daughter became mates with each other and their parents hated them. I said after what happen with Tumi and Ranisha, which incest is very bad and Kiara being so big on legacy and went batshit when her kids incest and had a cub. I’m sure she won’t approve of her daughter being a lesbian at all with her hard up on her legacy. That artist went batshit on me accuse me of bigotry Trump Supporter and hating on LGBTQ. Sent then she just been so many and nasty to me and her followers, especially her gay friends have sent me nasty DMs saying I should has my anti-gay ass kicked or I should go kill my self because I’m hateful on the poor LGBTQ people and the community. I told them I have nothing against them and I was just pointing out something. The other day I gotten a DM saying they hope I get lesbian raped! A couple weeks ago I got a DM threading to send a LGBTQ mob to to beat me to death. I have friends that are within the LGBTQ and I showed them the DM’s and the the screen shot of what I said as well as the nasty reply’s and they where horrified there are people within the LGBTQ that making death threats and Lesbian Rape threats. She said people like Valerie and her fans make the LGBTQ Community look bad and she said I didn’t even say anything wrong in what I said.
ZiraLionKingFan Edited May 14, 2019
Either way, She was rude about it. She also mocked and called me stupid, simple minded, and other nasty names for my spelling and grammar. Sorry that I have a disability that makes stuff like that hard for me. It’s really sad that someone has to mock and make fun of a disabled person. I wish disabled people would get the same treatment as other people and not get attacked. Anyhow, if anyone that mocks and makes fun of someone with a disability is a sad person. I often feel the way I and other disabled people are mocked, mistreated and our option does not matter because we disabled and viewed as simple minded stupid simpletons and people view us disabled less then human. I DO often feel the only crime or offense I’ve ever done to anyone is being disabled. So after being mocked by her, I’ve decided to not be her fan or support her comic. I just walked away from all of it and want nothing more to do with it.

As for the threats I've gotten in my DM. I took it very seriously because in today’s world if you are different like me. You can’t take threats like this lightly, especially when I’ve myself have been a victim of a disability hate crime. I’ve printed out the threats and went down to the police department and filed police reports.

With that said...... I’m not going further discuss the matter because it’s now in the hands of the law and is legally being dealt with.

What really happened? It looks like she was orbiting another comic artist's account, who speaks English as a second language, posting dumb bullshit in the comments of every single page, until she posted too much dumb shit, felt embarrassed, and blew up on the other lady.

ZiraLionKingFan Mar 21, 2019
I do notice that Ranisha has fear of her father. I don’t. Blame her her father almost killed her and she fears he’ll kill her cub because it’s an incest little bastard cub with fucked up inbred genes. Unlike people incest offspring of animals don’t suffer from the defects of incest defects as humans. I been told all my life blue eyes in humans are not natural and they are the product of incest of humans hundreds of years. Now these days if one incests the child will be board with kind of disability with some form of mental exceptionalism or learning disabilities. Well that what I was told and taught in college when the subject of incest came up in class. There was student that seemed well a rumor started he was a product of incest or he knew a cousin or her sister way to well.
ZiraLionKingFan Mar 23, 2019
You made a good point. Oh man the AKC and other kennel club purebreds are inbred they are falling apart at the seams and their temperaments are very poor and dangerous. My mother‘s heavily inbred husky is aggressive and will go at random people. I became the latest victim in the dog’s aggressive meltdowns. I tripped over the dog because it’s always under foot and it went berserk onto me and chew the living crap out my arm. I have like 15 or so bloody puncture holes, scratches and bruises. I had to punch it to get it to stop attacking me. I own a mix breed that has pit bull in her and she is super sweet. Sadly she been attacked by my mother’s berserk inbred Dog and she just cowards and cries and dose not fight back. Yeah if incest or inbreeding dose cripple the offspring it would make the offspring total mentally berserk.
ZiraLionKingFan Mar 24, 2019
In my state I can get a exotic animal permit and my state would let me privately keep a African Lion. Maybe I should get a Lion and name it Nala and if the dog went after that, the dog would be no more. Then I will tell mother, oh Nala was just hungry!
ZiraLionKingFan Mar 24, 2019
I met the parents when my mom got the dog. The parents where sweet, my mother’s dog was find until it was about 8 years old. I heard of that rare rage issue in dogs. I used to work for animal control. Sadly there is nothing that can be done about this in purebreds. Most the time the medications hardly work. If medications are found to work you look at hundreds of dollars and psychiatric therapy behavior training on the dog. Most people don’t want pay that on a dog. It’s just best to euthanize these said dogs because they are major liability. I’ve seen dogs(non-pit bull ) with theses rages fly into a rage and kill a small child. I’ve have tried talking to mother about it and both my parents fly into their own rage and make up a accuse for it. Last time it tore my dog up, mother said my dog some how provoked her dog and when I tripped over it she said the dog just dose not like me and I deserved it. No one deserves to be torn up by the dog and this dog already is listed as dangerous dog after it got out and tore up and killed a cat.
ZiraLionKingFan Mar 24, 2019
Parents are very callous to the matter. Especially when my mother calls it her Emotional Support Animal and what I’m aware she takes it places. I don’t know where all she has taken it it but it’s illegal. Because Emotional Support Animals are seen as pets and not as a Service Dogs for the Disabled. The Emotional Support Animal Pet is viewed still as a pet and a Fake Service Dog and there is no use for them expect to give Emotional Support kisses. Which giving one kisses is not a task to help or migrate one’s disability. The Americans with Disabilities Act dose not recognize the Emotional Support Animal Pet as a Service Dog. I know a lot about this because I myself have gotten a disability in the past 6 years that I need help from a actual task trained Service Dog. My dog that been attack is my Service Dog and I had her for nearly 5 years. Yes, in matter of time the county and the state will come down on my parents for that dog. I hate to say I’m waiting for it to bite someone, or a kid., especially when she is taking illegally into no dog friendly establishments. Because she be busted for impersonating a Service Dog with a Emotional Support Animal Pet that is aggressive and that is a public engagement. When her dog attacked me and my dog I did reported to animal control. Her dog does have a another strike against it and allowed to keep it under current restrictions which she does not follow. I stay clear from the dog and I keep my dog from it and I tell her to lock it up if I’m around.
ZiraLionKingFan Apr 9, 2019
My cousin had a African Gray for years named “Vern” and he was a talker. He just recently passed away. My cousin was a teen when he got “Vern” and remember it like couple years before my all time favorite uncle that was a Fireman Capt. passed away at 47 years from cancer( got the cancer from being a firefighter and it being a fireman is occupational hazard on one’s body). “Vern” was like 33 years old,my cousin came home and found that he kicked it. He thinks because he was a pet bird and pet parrots live half their life spend. “Vern” got his name from The Eernst Saves Christmas and etc movies, “Vern” was Ernest was friend in the movies and my cousin as teen was a huge Ernest Fan. Heck he had a Gumby Collection and a Teddy Ruskin Collection! I remember when my cousin first brought “Vern” home he was such a little baby that didn’t know how to perch yet and was wobbly. But he got be about 6 months old he started doing something which did all his life that just disgusting. Right when he pooped he will put his butthole right on whatever he chooses to take dump and when pooped he rub his butt in the poop and start dragging his ass like dog Amur it even more and he will just start laughing. We and even cousin never knew how learned that and he most did on couch or the counters. He will fly over and do his poop thing, laugh and fly back to his cage. He was cool bird but his poop thing was gross.

Yes, the elup parrots are very pretty and nice quiet birds. I used to have Parakeets, Cocktiels, and even a Love Bird, boy was she a mean little bitch. I also took a liking to Parrotlets. My mother used have 2 Macaws and they won’t all that noisy, they where messy and smelly, their poop stank when they pooped and they eat all kinds of stuff and the food they dump often got smelly if you didn’t clean it. I always tell my mother her Cockatoo would taste like chicken LOL 😂
Trouble in three parts.
First, Kim made the logical conclusion that some fanfic characters must disapprove of gays, because the characters were written to hate incest.
Part 2, the bisexual character doesn't want kids, so Kim posts all this shit.
ZiraLionKingFan Apr 18, 2019
Sandura really hates kids, well can’t blame her thro. Children theses days are bratty and rude and their parents let them run around be annoying to everyone around. People like when go somewhere to we go somewhere where is no child or baby be seen or heard. Because there are restaurants these days that started banning children. I could sit and eat a meal there no child to seen nor heard🤗😉😁☺👍🏻
ZiraLionKingFan Apr 20, 2019
Yeah, not everyone likes children or babies! The one thing that grinds my gears is a parent that changes their baby or small child’s diaper in the dinning areas or the tables of restaurants in front people while they are eating. The biggest complaints I hear is parents allowing their child harass and distract service dogs while they are working and saying “Oh my child only wanted to pet and hug your doggy, my child just loves doggies” or the parents will tell their child to go over and say Hi that doggy. Most Disabled people with service dog really hate children theses days. Parents have no respect and they are braking federal law. It’s a federal offense for anyone adult or child to distract any service dog because distracting a service dog puts its disabled handle in danger and often or not in fatal danger. After many cases of children being allowed to distract as well adults distracting service dog and several Disabled Handlers gotten severely hurt or even died. ADA few years ago put through making a federal crime to distract a service dog and if a service dog is indeed distracted and the handler get fatally injured the person that distracted the service dog or the parent of the child that distracted the service dog will be charged with first degree manslaughter on the death of the disabled person with service Dog. I know this about service dogs because I’m disabled and use one myself. One my biggest pet peeves is when a child runs up squealing on top it lungs getting into my service dogs face while grabbing at my service dog. It gotten to the point I really hate children, especially after one kept harassing my dog and my dog could not alert me and I feel back and head hit a shelf and split my head open. The parents tried to say her child only wanted to pet the doggy and I was being rude not allowing her child to just pet my dog and I deserved it. Well the judge in court didn’t see it as that and the parent was charge $50,000.00 in a federal fine for it and was order to pay all my medical and pay me $350,000.00 in personal injury and etc. I’ve never seen a cent and have been nearly 8 months sent the court hearing and my lawyer has put in another court hearing to put a lean on this person’s house. Yeah this only the small part what children can can cause and the other is there are restaurants that started banning children and babies because they annoying, do damage to property and parents that change their child or baby’s diapers in the dinning area on tables and because of this restaurants are loosing business. Restaurants are starting to ban and stop catering children and babies or ban them from current times like dinner time. A lot restaurants have became no child or baby friendly by removing child means, child booster seats and high chairs or anything that will be child related or catering to a child. They was discourage people bring a child or baby. These are the restaurants I choose to give businesses too especially when I have a service dog and I don’t want a child harassing and putting me in danger that can be fatal danger.
ZiraLionKingFan Apr 20, 2019
I’ve never meet or seen a behaved one ever. Babies and children crying and being annoying why a lot restaurant loose business. Who want try have a quit nice dinner with a wailing crying baby or child or a parent changing a baby or small child’s diaper in a dinning area, or a disabled person with a Service Dog being harassed by a child being allowed to run loose? Not everyone like children and theses people like children even less when this all happens. it has gotten to there are restaurants stopped catering to children and this Tran is now growing at a good pace. They started pulling their child menus, gotten rid of child booster seats and baby high chairs or anything that baby and child related. There been other restaurants that banned them from the main dining area and at correct times like at dinner time. I started only dinning and giving business that have a No Children Allowed. I’ve have filed complaints with our local public health department when ever I see someone changing a baby or small child diaper in dinning areas or on the tables. I always make a point to a video of it as evidence for the health department and I send it off to our local news station. Last time I video someone walking over to a empty table to change their baby’s diaper. Well that restaurant was clothes for week for a heath inspection by the department of health and my video made the news and so many people where grossed out that they lost so many customers they had to shut down because they could not afford stay open. It was a one the popular restaurants at the time until my video being changed on a clean table that was ready for a costumer.
ZiraLionKingFan Apr 21, 2019
A autistic child is ok.... they normally well well behaved. It’s the normal children that are the problem. Sadly theses day it rare to see a autistic kid in a restaurant, parents often leave their disabled child with a sitter and bring their other annoying normal non-disabled bratty children. I feather see autistic or disabled children then annoying bratty non-Disabled children in restaurant.
The artist tries to tease her a bit after another pointless comment, and Kim loses her shit.
Bonus. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
kim-returns-part-4.png

More bonus Kim shit. She has no idea what's going on ever, and posts utterly tone-deaf garbage.
I hope she starts spazzing on furries again, she crossed over into horrorcow status once she started trying to get total strangers fired from their jobs. Jesus fucking Christ.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Karl_der_Grosse

DatBepisTho

Cryptid Cretin
kiwifarms.net
Are SnapeSnogger and Zeriara
(in that I love to hate/alog her sociopathic animal abusing ass)
considered vintage?
Because if so, those are definitely mine.
 
Tags
None

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
LTC: LSZsFCLUreXAZ9oyc9JRUiRwbhkLCsFi4q
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino