Skitzocow Connor Murphy - Body Building Youtube Superstar turned Drugged Out Peepee Guru who Drinks Cum for the Health Benefits

Real Gay Autist

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Nice find! Seems like some pretty interesting discussion. Interesting that one of the mods is called 'Sevenson', which is also who Connor has claimed to 'be' now. Sevenson also mentioned calling Connor's mom recently but she seems not to be interested anymore.

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These quoted sections are longer but I recommend at least skimming them if you're curious about his thought processes.

Great post. There's a lot in this document which can be used for a psychological postmortem once things slow down. Also, your nice cover convinced me I think. The lyrics seem to scan similarly.

In addition to all the other stuff going down, I've stumbled across a YouTube channel of Andy Kung, whose Chinese name is 龚耀星 Gōng Yàoxīng and lives in Sichuan. Kung claims "This is Connor Murphy new channel" and posts "I am Connor murphy" in all his video descriptions. He seems to have been a pretty normal-seeming dude this time last year (see this boring video of his study routine). A couple of days ago, he reappears with purple hair, a weird look in his eyes and starts posting about Connor Murphy while claiming that he is Connor Murphy. He also posts "clues" on his IG @gongyaoxing. A point of peripheral interest, perhaps. Some of his schizoramblings are pretty funny if you're into that kind of thing, see below.
"Yesterday, while Murphy was streaming... I was drinking... my own... divine protein shake"

Perhaps more germane is that Connor Murphy is actually commenting on his videos quite regularly now.
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MirnaMinkoff

Mama, nobody sends you a turd and expects to live.
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Turns out Connor's new video isn't coming out until tomorrow. Shame. But it gives us an extra day to run through his long-ass manifesto and check some of the clues. @Real Gay Autist covered some golden nuggets here. Check out his comment because he has quotes about Jesus, being robbed, and other formative experiences that should be discussed.
I'm instead posting larger sections that I feel give a deeper insight into Connor's psyche and how his recent drug use has shaped how he relates to the world. These quoted sections are longer but I recommend at least skimming them if you're curious about his thought processes.

Here is his 10-point master plan, which actually does include getting involuntarily committed for three days and returning and doing all of this. Not really sure his detachment was planned, but it seems he saw himself heading this way
As we’ve discussed earlier in this book, a reenactment of the story of Jesus would look much differently than it did 2000 years ago, especially from a Christian point of view. From earlier in this book we already know my perspective on the story of Jesus. He didn’t actually die. Evidence in the Bible storyly supports the idea he faked his death. Thank God. Actually dying would be a pretty risky plan. Also there are no crucifixions in the modern world. There’s also not a way to have people look at your body and be tricked into thinking you’re dead. People are much more closed minded now. Everyone would demand a doctor examine me and check my vitals for a sign of life. I would have to go about things much differently. The best I could do was parallel the story. I would act out my own story with as many connections to the original story as I could practically execute. The mandatory connections would be a fake death and a “resurrection.” People didn’t have to 100% believe that I died. That would be pretty impossible in modern day. For someone to 100% think you died you would actually have to die. Science really puts limits on reenacting this story. It was enough for them to think that I might have died. Anywhere around 50/50 seemed good enough for me. Also, the world has also changed so much from a technological standpoint. If Jesus were born 2000 years later, there’s no question he would have used social media to his advantage. I felt like my entire life had just been leading up to this. I was meant to be a catalyst in the awakening of the world. That’s why I started a YouTube channel and grew a social media following. What I was doing before online seemed completely meaningless compared to this. For the first time, I felt like fate was real. Even though I knew a doctor would call this something like a “grandiose delusion,” the feeling was too strong for me to care. It was my destiny to pull this off no matter what the costs. Here’s the psychotic plan that was implanted into my mind:

  1. Post some YouTube videos of me “enlightening” some of my friends. The idea would be to teach spirituality to them, but to do so in a way only a few people would understand. These people would be my “disciples” and the other people would call me crazy and blasphemous like they did Jesus. I knew exactly who would understand and who wouldn’t.
  2. Fake my death. I would post a YouTube video crying and acting depressed. I would say I’m going to kill myself.
  3. Call the cops on myself to make sure they start looking for me. Eventually, I wanted to be willingly arrested just like Jesus was.
  4. While the cops are looking for me, film footage of me acting like Jesus. I would do good deeds, teach my version of Jesus’s teachings, and see if I could perform any “miracles.”
  5. Get arrested.
  6. Get admitted to a psych ward. This shouldn’t be too hard since everyone will think I’m suicidal. The psych ward would be my “tomb.” It’s confidential so it wouldn’t be able to get out that I was still alive.
  7. Stay in there for 3 days, then “rise again” on the third day. I would make a YouTube video and Instagram post revealing that I was alive.
  8. Make a YouTube video revealing the entire plan. This has to be done meticulously, or I’ll be hated for faking my death and/or comparing myself to Jesus. I would need to explain the true story of Jesus like how he was simply a human who taught enlightenment, and tried to rid the world of ego so people could reach the kingdom of heaven, or Christ consciousness. Oh yeah, and that he faked his death. It would also be a must to emphasize how I did this for the good of humanity.
  9. Hopefully some people would have some epiphanies just like I did when reading the Power of Now about the true nature of Jesus and his teachings. This would get people on the path to practicing spirituality and awakening.
  10. Prepare for the hate.

His thought process behind getting more involved in Buddhism seems pretty standard for a caucasian westie

Because of my newfound love for meditation, all of a sudden things I previously had no interest in started to interest me. I became interested in Buddhist practice simply because I knew they meditated for many hours every day. I thought, wow, if there is a whole culture dedicated to meditating their entire lives, so much so that they give up many of the pleasures we all take for granted, there must be something profound to it.

He mentions the first time he did Ayahausca, it was when he moved to Texas and planned to room in an influencer house in Austin.

I was planning on moving to Austin, Texas to live in this influencer house. It was a $3 million dollar mansion in the nicest part of the city. I was going to live there for free in the master bedroom. All I had to do in return was to promote the company who owned the house once and a while in a YouTube video. They were even going to fund different YouTube projects for me. Not only that but my 3 other fellow roommates would be Instagram models. It was safe to say that I would be preoccupied for a while once I moved to Austin. I wasn’t going to have the time in the near future to fly out to South America for an Ayahuasca ceremony. So in my mind it just wasn’t meant to be. That is, until Emma told me where her ceremony was. It wasn’t in South America. It wasn’t even out of the state. It was in Joshua Tree, a town in the desert just 2 hours away. And Emma was glad to connect me with the shamen. What the hell, what’s the harm in reaching out?

The rest is a lot of text, but it's his description of when he first did Ayahausca in May of last year. It gives interesting background and it felt wrong cutting some of it out for brevity's sake. He told his parents he was going to do it, and they were supportive but worried. Additionally he got to choose his dose from a 1-10 scale. He, of course, chose 10.

The main female shaman reached out to me via email a few days later. They stopped their ceremonies for a while because of COVID, but were restarting May 1st with extra COVID precautions. Wow, this is too perfect, I thought. I’m in quarantine right now. I have nothing else to do, and it seems like a great transition to my new life in Austin. I would heal my past traumas and feel like a new man in Austin, Texas. It would feel like starting an entire new life both physically and mentally, I thought. It just seemed right. It seemed like it was meant to be. So I signed up for the first ceremony available, May 1st.

Of course I told Tyler what I was planning on doing. In fact, I even told my parents. This wasn’t something I was trying to hide. I was proud of my decision. I wasn’t traveling 2 hour to go trip on some drugs for fun. I was doing it for my spiritual and mental health. I didn’t expect it to be fun in any way. My parents were supportive. Of course, they were a little worried for me, but they knew I was doing it with the right intentions. They were anxious to hear about my experience. Tyler was invited to come along. I already knew he wouldn’t though. Tyler was in the process of going from aspiring professional golfer to working in finance, and he still lived with his parents. He wasn’t comfortable telling them about his psychedelic adventures, plus it was still COVID season, and his dad barely allowed him to hang out with me. All of this along with the $300 price tag was enough to make it an easy decision for him not to come. I wasn’t too disappointed though. This could be one of the most profound experiences of my life, so the less distractions the better.

So, the afternoon of May 1st I packed up some water, a pillow, and a blanket and began the two hour drive to Joshua Tree. As I arrived at the house it was pretty close to how I imagined it. It was a small, low, rectangular house that resembled a shed to me more than it did a house. Outside was the most stereotypical white trailer you could think of. This place had “hippie” written all over it. None of this bothered me, though. At least for the night, this was the vibe I was going for. I was ready to embrace my inner hippie. I parked in the driveway, walked to the backyard, and was greeted by the three shamen and two other girls sitting in on the ceremony. Two of the shamen were guys, but besides that, I’d be the only guy in this ceremony.

Everyone seemed relatively normal considering the circumstances. The only thing abnormal was how happy and positive they always seemed and how well they treated everyone. They all seemed rather intelligent. No one seemed to be missing any nuts and bolts as I halfway expected. These were real functional people who just had a deep spiritual side. As soon as I greeted everyone one of the guy shamen showed me the backyard. Yard probably isn’t a good term to use here. We were in the middle of the desert, but it was absolutely stunning. The back of the house had an incredible view. We were at a high point, and out in the distance below us you could see the entire city of Joshua tree to the right. To the left were giant clusters of beautiful reddish rocks and desert foliage. This was exactly the place I wanted to do something like this. A natural sanctuary. I was shown the actual ceremony circle on the left side of the backyard near the rocks.I got to pick my seat and chose one on the left so I had a scenic view of the city and the tall mountains behind it. About an hour later, it was time to begin the ceremony.

The 3 shamen, 3 other girls, and I gathered around the ceremony circle. We were each given a mat and a floor chair and were encouraged to use our pillows and blankets to make ourselves comfortable. Because a couple people were new, we had a quick orientation. The shamen said they’d ask us how much we want on a scale of 1-10. We were also told not to touch anyone else, and to try and be as quiet as possible. We also weren’t allowed to leave the backyard during the entire ceremony. It was also recommended that we keep our eyes closed as much as we could. The external world was considered distracting.Seems simple enough, I thought. Then we were asked to say our prayers and/or intentions. This is one of the most important parts of the ceremony. Without a deep true intention the substance could take your mind anywhere, and it’s not something you can control in the moment. In fact, we were told the worst thing you could do during the experience is to resist. You can set an intention about what you want to learn or accomplish, but after that, you must give up all control and let what they called “Mother Ayahuasca” have her way with you. I thought my true intention of “awakening” might sound a little too eager so I went with the intention of “gaining back some childlike wonder.” I would have been content with either one of those. What I didn’t realize at the time was that those two intentions are one in the same.

After we said our intentions, one of the guy shamen came around the circle and asked us the dosage we wanted. There was not a chance I was going to say anything but “Ten.” I drove 2 hours and paid $300 dollars for a reason. I wanted to get as much out of this experience as I possibly could. We were all given our respective doses in a small cup, drank in unison, and the journey began.

And lastly this is the description of his experience and they way that it shaped his current mentality

This is where language fails to do justice to the experience. In fact, memory itself doesn’t do justice to the experience. The realm I entered was a place beyond memory. A place beyond language. A place beyond thought. I place without time. A place without space. It’s impossible to imagine because space and time is all we know. It was a place of only awareness. It was a place of pure emptiness yet nothing was missing. My intellectual understanding of pure awareness without the body seemed rather empty. While yes, this place was empty, it was also full. For the first time I felt complete. I felt absolutely no suffering.I felt true bliss. I felt true contentment. But these felt nothing like I thought they could feel. “Feel” is not the right term to use, because there was no human sensory experience involved. It was as if the human senses of sight, touch, and sound all merged into one sense. At first I felt somewhat distinct. I felt as if every ounce of my was gone except my awareness. But I was still feeling my awareness. Soon though, my awareness grew. “Grow” is a poor description of what happened, because there was no space, but it’s the best word we have in the English language. I seemed to pool with other awareness. I became infinite. Somehow, this place felt eerily familiar. And again “felt” is a terrible verb to use. There was no human feeling. There was only an indestructible knowing. A knowing so strong it “felt” like the epiphany of all epiphanies. A realization so strong it simply cannot be compared to anything felt or experienced in the human mind.

I don’t remember how long i was in this place because there was absolutely no sense of time, but as the mind began to creep back I opened by eyes and started screaming “What the fuck?! What the fuck?!” I remember the shamen smiling as if they were expecting this reaction then softly telling me to lower my voice. What I had just experienced rapidly started slipping away. I couldn’t remember the exact experience, but I knew without a doubt in my mind that it was the most profound and meaningful experience I ever had in my life. I had gotten a glimpse. I didn’t understand what at the time, but whatever it was, it was absolutely incredible. At this point in time, I had absolutely no free will. Not just the intellectual understanding of no free will, but truly no free will. I didn’t even have voluntary actions. I felt like I was a puppet. I felt like I was watching a movie from the first person perspective of the main character. That I wasn’t the character, but was simply watching what was happening to him. I got up and started walking around. I ran over to the edge of the backyard and gazed at the stars and the city. But it wasn’t me doing the running. It wasn’t me doing the gazing. The true me was simply paying attention to what the character called “Connor” was doing. For the next little while I’m going to be referring to the human form of me as “Connor” because at this point in time of the ceremony I simply doesn’t make sense to refer to “Connor” as “me.”I felt like I was a character in a novel, and I was experiencing the novel as it was being written. All of a sudden realizations appeared out of nowhere. Insights flooded my brain. These insights didn’t come from Connor. They weren’t even of thought. They were knowing. They were knowing of the universe. They were knowing of experience. They were knowing my true self. So many realizations flooded my brain so quickly there was no way to process any of them. They disappeared as quickly as they appeared. One moment I felt like I understood the entire universe and the next I was back to my old, ignorant self. Then the earthly thoughts started seeping into my mind, but I didn’t feel like Connor was thinking them. “I want to see more.” My body was whisked back to my mat and I layed down again and closed my eyes.

I felt like I was beginning to go back to the same place. I was excited. I wanted to more fully experience it. I wanted to be able to somehow take the experience back to real life. But this time, as my awareness expanded beyond my body, it didn’t go to a place of emptiness. It went to other forms. So during a dream you can experience all sorts of crazy, physics defying adventures right? And I don’t know about you, but all my dreams have been from my point of view. The point of view of Connor. The point of view from Connor’s body and mind. Yes, in a dream maybe the body is a little more subtle, but it’s always my body nonetheless. And it’s definitely my mind. I could never have imagined experiencing another form’s body and mind. But that’s exactly what started to happen. Now yes, I had my eyes closed, but there was nothing dreamlike about these next experiences. I experienced the consciousness of a girl. Yes, you heard me correctly. Somehow my awareness was witnessing a girl’s body and mind. I don’t know who the girl was, or even what her face looked like, because I was experiencing it from her first person point of view. I saw my body as a girl’s body. I could touch my skin and it felt different. I even had different thoughts. Somehow the memory of me being Connor was still present, but other thought’s that weren’t Connor’s were somehow implanted into my head. I was remembering memories that weren’t Connors. They must have been the girl’s. Then the same phenomenon happened but I was an old man sitting on a tree stump with my bare feet on the ground. Again, I could look down and see the body of an old man. I would touch my old wrinkly skin and feel the body of an old man. I could even think wise thoughts of an old man that weren’t Connor’s thought. Then it got a little scary. All of a sudden I was a man lying on the ground. I had just been shot in the stomach. I could feel every ounce of the pain.It felt like how I imagined it would feel like to get shot but 10 times worse. I felt myself losing blood. I felt my head becoming lightheaded. I felt my physical body dying. Then I transformed into an animal. Transformed is the wrong word. My body didn’t morph into an animal’s body. My awareness somehow shifted to the form of an animal. I couldn’t tell exactly what I was because I was perceiving my experience as the animal from a first person point of view, but I was some type of prehistoric animal. My sight was different. The colors were different and my vision was somehow distorted. I didn’t have any thoughts whatsoever. I simply had sensory experience. Then all of a sudden I was back in my normal body. Connor’s body. But something was much, much different. I was laying on the mat looking up at the stars, but I had absolutely zero thought. I had no idea what the stars were. I had no language to even make up a name for them.I had no sense of who I was. I had no sense of what the world was.I had no memories whatsoever.I had no recollection of putting myself in this position. I had no mind. I only had sensory experience. I can only relate this experience to what it must have felt like when I was first born. Suddenly information started flooding my brain. I started receiving memories, I started gaining knowledge of the world I was perceiving. I started knowing where I was. I started gaining knowledge of the human form I was experiencing. Hundreds of thoughts and memories every second if not thousands. The process was overwhelming. It was extremely uncomfortable.I felt as if my brain was going to explode. Somehow I went from not having any idea of who I was to fully knowing everything there is about being Connor in a matter of minutes. The craziest part was I didn’t feel like any of these thoughts or memories were mine. Just a few minutes ago I was a blank slate. I had no thoughts whatsoever. I had no memories whatsoever. Where did they all come from. They didn’t feel like they came from me. They felt like they were given to me. I felt like I hadn’t actually lived in this world until that moment. I felt like I was just born. I felt like this was the first time I had ever been aware of the human form of Connor. The memories simply gave me the illusion that I had been experiencing him for 25 years.I felt like I had just been reborn.

I had always dismissed the idea of reincarnation. It had never really made sense to me. In fact, I hardly thought about it at all. The last time I thought of reincarnation was probably back in school when we were learning about different religions. Even with my newfound interest in the Buddhist culture it never really came up in my mind. I used to think there’s no way to know if you’ve been reincarnated because your new life would start out at age 0 with no memories. I now question that belief. Now I’m not saying I was reincarnated, especially since apparently I’ve been alive 25 years, but I can’t use a better word to describe that final process. I feel like I was reincarnated as myself. I feel like I was reborn. Compared to Connor’s thoughts and memories, I simply cannot believe I’m the same person deep down. Yes, I have all of Connor’s memories. Yes, I have all of his earthly knowledge, but I in no way feel like the old him. I don’t feel like I’ve always been him. I don’t feel like the deeper part of me has been aware of the life of Connor until the moment Connor was reborn. I still don’t know exactly how to make sense of this feeling, and it’s definitely not a bad one.I just can’t believe I’ve been witnessing this body and mind for 25 years. Everything about it seems so new. I feel like an entirely new person than what my thoughts and memories are telling me I used to be like. In my opinion, I’m way better.

Also people in a DM are arguing over the origin of the song he was singing in his last video still. I swear it is a DCFC song and not from Dear Evan Hansen or another broadway show. Here is a quick and dirty cover I did with his enlightened lyrics to prove it. It's not good but it should lay that to rest. I'm not sure if it will be relevant but he went out of his way to obfuscate it when he was singing

Well, my previous post was pretty spot on to Conner’s timeline. He was struggling mentally, unhappy, had a profound and deep fear of death (his obsession with death was far bigger than even I guessed and that robbery attempt turbo charged it). He’s “searching for answers” He’s already having some religious delusions, he didn’t even need the drugs to start thinking he might be Jesus. Covid hits. He’s cooped up and isolated. He does DMT on May 1, but he did go to some hippie place in Jousha tree to do it. The DMT experience is pure rocket fuel on his crazy and it’s been fueling the ride ever since. He’s also apparently throwing LSD and shrooms in there too, lol.

Even though he’s batshit crazy I do believe he is far happier now than he was as YT dude bro doing buff shirt pranks. Conner was a smart guy but he got it into his head that being a mega-chad YT star scoring mad puss would make him happy. (This was very dumb, he bought into some stupid meme shit wholesale) It’s too bad he was too uptight in college to go on a psychedelic ride. He might have just become a hippie tech CFO dude, lived on a little farm, goes to go to Burning Man, etc... Then again it might have just as likely triggered his underlying mental illness sooner.

Conner doesn’t seem to realize that while psychedelics gave him some slice of spiritual happiness or peace that the solution isn’t to trip balls the rest of your life 24/7. Sort of like a guy who has a blast out drinking one night decides he needs to stay drunk 24/7 to maintain that mindset.

Conner obv has an issue with black and white thinking /compulsive behavior/ extremes. It seemed like a good thing when he put that towards health and fitness, but it was an illusion. He might have looked physically good but mentally he was more profoundly unhappy as ever.

Nice find! Seems like some pretty interesting discussion. Interesting that one of the mods is called 'Sevenson', which is also who Connor has claimed to 'be' now. Sevenson also mentioned calling Connor's mom recently but she seems not to be interested anymore.

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Great post. There's a lot in this document which can be used for a psychological postmortem once things slow down. Also, your nice cover convinced me I think. The lyrics seem to scan similarly.

In addition to all the other stuff going down, I've stumbled across a YouTube channel of Andy Kung, whose Chinese name is 龚耀星 Gōng Yàoxīng and lives in Sichuan. Kung claims "This is Connor Murphy new channel" and posts "I am Connor murphy" in all his video descriptions. He seems to have been a pretty normal-seeming dude this time last year (see this boring video of his study routine). A couple of days ago, he reappears with purple hair, a weird look in his eyes and starts posting about Connor Murphy while claiming that he is Connor Murphy. He also posts "clues" on his IG @gongyaoxing. A point of peripheral interest, perhaps. Some of his schizoramblings are pretty funny if you're into that kind of thing, see below.
"Yesterday, while Murphy was streaming... I was drinking... my own... divine protein shake"

Perhaps more germane is that Connor Murphy is actually commenting on his videos quite regularly now.
Oh, so did his mom say she’d call the police if the online ppl don’t stop calling her about Conner or that the people should just call the police on Conner?

Either way Mom is washing her hands of this shit. It is interesting how all these people wanting to “help” Conner think calling his parents is the answer. Conner is a grown ass man, they have no more power over him than the average rando at this point. They are obviously done banging their head against the wall with him. He needs to dry out from the psychedelics before anything can be done for him anyway.
 
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AnOminous

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He is no Terence McKenna. He is a sad bucket of memes who has fucked his life and his mind. I've seen people blow their minds with psychedelics, and it seems like it is usually with this bizarre behavior of dosing every day. This really fucks you up. You can actually return to semi-normal, but it can take years.
 

Weeping Willow

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This nigga currently look possessed af in every second of every video, it's hard to look at these empty soulless eyes of his. His brain is obviously deep fried beyond repair already, the comedown from going clean would send him into unimaginably bleak depression. He will need to continue doing either illegal or prescription drugs for the rest of his live just to keep going
Oh when/if he comes down from this, he’ll need a terrible cocktail of drugs to keep him from offing himself. He’s gonna have MAJOR depression. He has truly broke his brain and I don’t think he’ll ever be “normal” again.
 

AnOminous

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Oh when/if he comes down from this, he’ll need a terrible cocktail of drugs to keep him from offing himself. He’s gonna have MAJOR depression. He has truly broke his brain and I don’t think he’ll ever be “normal” again.
It's probably better if he keeps himself off all drugs forever, not pump himself full of more psychiatric quackery, other than possibly anti-depressants. But he'd best avoid any serious pill-pushing quacks. Good look finding any of those these days.
 

knobslobbin

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Connor's brain is fine, he's almost thru the transition to being able to run entirely off of DMT. A bit of ketamine and shrooms would help the final push.

Once he punches through the last barrier his consciousness will transcend and sit with the entities watching over us all and he will know EVERYTHING. I hope he's allowed to return and bring some of his widsom back, I'm all in if he starts a sex cult.
 

MirnaMinkoff

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He is no Terence McKenna. He is a sad bucket of memes who has fucked his life and his mind. I've seen people blow their minds with psychedelics, and it seems like it is usually with this bizarre behavior of dosing every day. This really fucks you up. You can actually return to semi-normal, but it can take years.
It's hard to come down from the god high. Normal life just doesn't compare to being a Jesus buddha.
It's probably better if he keeps himself off all drugs forever, not pump himself full of more psychiatric quackery, other than possibly anti-depressants. But he'd best avoid any serious pill-pushing quacks. Good look finding any of those these days.
This. Drying out from being god and knowing all the secrets of the universe will be a super bummer though, esp if he has to face the disaster he's created for himself the last year and harm he's caused his family. I don't think he will do it willingly. Something very bad or dramatic will have to happen (like a car accident or something that results in a physical injury that leads to long hospital stay/recovery) to get him to lay off the DMT and come back to earth. He will not do it willingly.

The fact that Conner was so profoundly unhappy and confused that after a DMT trip he decided he wanted to be that way 24/7 says a lot. A sane person will take a trip, hopefully feel some profound things that help make them a better or happier person. Maybe they will decide that something it's something they will try to do once a year to recharge their mystical batteries and sense of wonder.

Conner decided he needed DMT daily to have a sense of wonder, that's not the way it's supposed to work. DMT or psychedelics in general should just be a little boost in helping your overall sense of happiness/contentedness/wonder/spirituality whatever. Conner decided to use it as a vice or a crutch to prop up a false sense of happiness/sprituality. He should have stuck with mediating instead of deciding tripping balls everyday is the solution to all his ills. Most serious buddhists and meditative religions frown on psychedelics as trying to take a dangerous short cut on your spiritual journey. Conner should have listened to them.
 

Burning Urethra

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His big master plan is just an after the fact rationalization where all the embarrassing aspects of his high were totally planned and it's all only about the ego death experience he wants people to understand.
Maybe he's lying about the constant microdosing and is just taking a really long time coming down because of his disordered personality.
(I know: :optimistic: )
 
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Squid Bitch

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Oh when/if he comes down from this, he’ll need a terrible cocktail of drugs to keep him from offing himself. He’s gonna have MAJOR depression. He has truly broke his brain and I don’t think he’ll ever be “normal” again.
Even if he's able to get his brain in order, there's no way he comes out of this without still being suicidal/needing to be seriously medicated.

Everything he's done, he's done publicly. He can mend his brain, get off social media, get a normal job, and try to live a semblance of a normal life, but the internet is forever; he'll always be known as that guy who consumed his friend's cum/drank his own piss/(allegedly) ate his own feces. And even if the world moves on and everyone forgets, there's no way he is forgetting that - it'll always be in the back of his mind. (And his family's and close friends' minds, too.) That kind of knowledge is enough to make anyone want to off themselves.
 

MirnaMinkoff

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His big master plan is just an after the fact rationalization where all the embarrassing aspects of his high were totally planned and it's all only about the ego death experience he wants people to understand.
Maybe he's lying about the constant microdosing and is just taking a really long time coming down because of his disordered personality.
(I know: :optimistic: )
Someone needs to tell Conner that believing you are god/Jesus is the total opposite of ego death. He didn’t experience ego death, he acquired a god complex. He also entirely lost his sense of shame due to becoming an enlightened being...
Even if he's able to get his brain in order, there's no way he comes out of this without still being suicidal/needing to be seriously medicated.

Everything he's done, he's done publicly. He can mend his brain, get off social media, get a normal job, and try to live a semblance of a normal life, but the internet is forever; he'll always be known as that guy who consumed his friend's cum/drank his own piss/(allegedly) ate his own feces. And even if the world moves on and everyone forgets, there's no way he is forgetting that - it'll always be in the back of his mind. (And his family's and close friends' minds, too.) That kind of knowledge is enough to make anyone want to off themselves.
Yes, entirely losing his sense of shame and making videos hyping the benefits of drinking piss and cum is a hard one to bounce back from.

He could become a poster boy for dealing with mental illness if he managed to recover. His “before/after” videos would be as motivational to mentally ill ppl as his “before/after” fitness stuff was. But I’m not placing any bets on that.

I also don’t think he’s microdosing everyday, but full dosing most days.
 

Burning Urethra

saison en enfer
kiwifarms.net
Someone needs to tell Conner that believing you are god/Jesus is the total opposite of ego death. He didn’t experience ego death, he acquired a god complex. He also entirely lost his sense of shame due to becoming an enlightened being...

Yeah, his "I'm a prophet" stuff is obviously really narcissistic but I was talking about his trip description where he did seem to experience ego death in a positive way. (I would assume that's not so uncommon on DMT.) Only now he feels 'enlightened' because he probably isn't too knowledgeable about drugs.

It probably felt very freeing for him to temporarily lose all sense of what it means to be Connor since he is deeply insecure as we've established. I guess that's what he's chasing.
 

mikal

kiwifarms.net
He does puke. In his manifesto he mentions puking pretty badly. If you're referencing his "taking ayahausca all of the time" habit, he has a tincture that he mixes into his shakes and food. He doses a small amount every ~2 hours, mostly DMT. This helps him avoid the nausea in his day-to-day life.

Sad stuff. He had already lost his bodybuilding physique. Give it another couple of months - maybe a year - and he's going to look like a common variety crack head skelly.

Some dude did a write up on Conner and posted it 13 hours ago.
Kind of a quick summary of Conner if you want to catch up to speed I guess on who Conner is. If you already on page 24 though this is probably a pointless read. Still, just archiving it for fun.


bruno-cooke.jpg

Bruno is a postgraduate student studying global journalism, with research interests in the intersection of the media, storytelling, culture and politics. His articles have appeared in Groundviews, Packs Light and Forge Press, and most are readable on Medium or onurbicycle.com. He is a Student Ambassador for Tortoise Media, a big fan of Freddie Mercury and a novelist – his debut novel, Reveries, is available on Amazon.








Fitness and social experiment YouTube personality Connor Murphy has sparked concern among his fans and followers in recent weeks – not for the first time – regarding his mental and/or physical health. So, what happened to Connor Murphy?

YouTuber Connor Murphy’s uploads are different from normal​

Connor Murphy is a YouTuber and Instagram personality.

He currently has 459K followers on Instagram and over 2.4M subscribers on YouTube.

However, a number of his recent uploads have veered away from familiar social experiment territory.

One, dated 1 April, is titled Drinking My Own urine in Public, while another, dated 5 May, is about what Murphy calls an ayahuasca “Megadose”.

What happened to Connor Murphy?​

But Murphy’s two most recent YouTube uploads have caused particular consternation among his fans and followers.

Entitled RIP Connor Murphy and Connor Murphy’s Final Words both videos suggest that Connor Murphy has died.

The pinned comment on the former video even contains the line, “Connor Murphy has committed suicide”. However, there are no formal obituaries to speak of or anything else to confirm this.

Meanwhile the latter video shows the YouTuber lying back on what looks like a bed, surrounded by cuddly toys. He half recites, half sings an unrecognisable, seemingly cryptic poem or song, while glancing occasionally into the camera.

The enigmatic lines of his poem are available to read in the caption to the video.

What’s up with Connor Murphy?​

A post in the subreddit r/OutOfTheLoop titled What’s Up With Fitness YouTuber Connor Murphy contains a lengthy fan discussion about what might have happened to the 26-year-old Texan.

Reddit user Apprehensive_Past573, who claims to be a psychiatric nurse practitioner, made various suggestions.

Some pertain to Murphy’s alleged consumption of ayahuasca, others to previous occasions on which Murphy has been admitted to hospital.

However, as the aforementioned user is not Connor’s doctor, these suggestions remain just that – a concerned fan’s opinion.

What is ayahuasca? Is Connor OK?​

Ayahuasca, illegal in the UK, US and many other countries, is a blend of two plants which, when ingested, cause hallucinations and what some call “ego dissolution” or “ego death”.

Such phenomena may to some extent explain Murphy’s uploads about dying.

A year ago, Connor posted Yes, I’m Alive. And I’m Sorry to his YouTube channel.

In the video, he discusses his consumption of ayahuasca, as well as an apparent diagnosis of “drug induced psychosis vs bipolar disorder”.

Both of these give credence to the Reddit discussion, linked above, about the possible connection between the two. However, this is not confirmation of what is currently happening to Murphy.

How have Connor’s followers reacted to ‘RIP Connor Murphy’?​

Connor Murphy’s latest uploads to Instagram and YouTube have upset and confused many of his followers.

Numerous users have expressed their grievances at Connor’s change of character. One wrote, “You inspired a lot of us! Hope one day you can do it again!”

One user on YouTube wrote, “he was my Motivation to go Gym and make a Solid Body, Go shirtless in public. Now today I saw this video In my Recommendations 😭 What happend (sic) to him? is he ok?”

A comment from a day ago on his second to last Instagram post perhaps best encapsulates how people are reacting to Connor Murphy’s current uploads.


archive of the videos referenced in the post and for us to keep: (most of which are already in the OP)








 

Real Gay Autist

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net

(YouTube link)

The latest video has some interesting links. It's all signed 'Sevenson' again, which Connor maintains is the identity of the individual posting on his accounts (since Connor himself is dead, ofc). The video is a screen recording of Connor's Instagram story which, in turn, is a screen recording of Connor watching a YouTube video by Leo Gura (Leo previously spoke to Connor in the video here, where tries in vain to talk down Connor from the schizo-ledge). In the video, Leo is talking about the apparent suicide of a member of the Actualized.org forums. Connor links to the forums under the video, encouraging people to "Please be active on Actualized.org to help spread mental health awareness" in the comments. I don't know what others think, but it seems to me like a part of Connor is trying to attribute some responsibility to Leo Gura or those forums for his slide into insanity. Connor is banned from those forums, apparently.

cm banned.png

It appears that the dead forum user Connor is referring to, based on my digging at Actualized.org, went by the username Soonhei. He apparently killed himself in order to experience 'conscious death', leaving behind his wife and two young children. The thread is pretty interesting (see screenshot below). Damn, these psychadelic bros sure have a lot of horrifying shit going on. Is there a thread on this kind of stuff anywhere? Need to do some more digging...

soonhei.png

Edit: Added below post by Soonhei's sister. Fuck this is an awful story.
soonhei sister.png

Back to the video. You can also see Instagram DMs popping up from Andy Kung (post #461 above). Seems like they have a weirdo schizo circle jerk chat going on, I'm sure that is really helpful and healthy for Connor right now.

That's all I have for now. Anyone else notice some clues coming together now? Remember, we're supposed to be hunting the pot of Dogecoin at the end of the schizorainbow.

:gold: :optimistic:

I genuinely think Connor is lost at this point - he doesn't seem capable of helping himself, and his friends and family seem to have exhausted their options and to be exhausted with all of this as a result. Based on other people who have psychotic breaks like this, I think, sadly, it's suicide/homeless arc soon.
 
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Ponglenis

kiwifarms.net
He reminds me quite a bit of Peter Palpin, one of the barbarian brothers who apparently went insane (I assume from similar drugs) after the fame started to fade. Same type of ramblings. Also an ex-bodybuilder and youtuber.


Anyway, I'm hoping this doesn't end as another Etika/Reckful story. I talked to the guy during his 40 day fast stream and he seemed like a pretty sweet guy beyond the obvious narcissism (which the psychedelic abuse amplified by x1000). If anything it will be another cautionary tale that not everyone should mess with extremely powerful psychedelics, and for sure not to use them every 2 hours.

And for the people asking about hair transplants, he already had two and he stopped using finasteride/minoxidil after he got side effects . After taking ayahuasca he became convinced he can keep his hair with "natural" methods like scalp massages and red light therapy which you can see him doing on his 40 day fast streams (if it's still up on YT)

I am expecting a repeat of this in a few days, except worse since his brain is in a far worse state than it was about a year ago.. Unless they decide to lock him up forever:

 
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